Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically complete and avoid fillers. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Replace fillers like “uh” and correct word order (“look from the window” → “look out of the window”). Keep it within 3–4 concise sentences.

例: Yes, I always look out of the window when I travel because I enjoy seeing changing landscapes. For example, I like watching towns, fields, and rivers pass by, and I often take photos with my phone to remember interesting scenes.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and add a specific reason or example with linking words. Avoid repetition (don’t repeat “I do”/“I would do that”) and use a wider range of vocabulary (e.g., “landscapes”, “wildlife”, “sunsets”). Aim for 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside because I enjoy capturing landscapes and sunsets. For instance, when the light is good I photograph mountains or rivers to share with my friends or keep in an album.

提案: Provide a clear, single-topic sentence stating your preference, then give two specific reasons linked logically. Remove repetition and filler words, correct grammar (“the mountains”, “they are covered in snow”, “It feels”). Keep answers concise (2–4 sentences) and include a brief example or result.

例: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy the cooler weather and the snowy scenery. For example, I find snow-covered slopes peaceful and I like walking on mountain trails, which makes me feel relaxed and refreshed.

× Love to uh, look at from the window at different scenarios and sometimes I capture it in my phone also.

✓ I love to look out of the window at different scenes, and sometimes I capture them on my phone.

The original uses 'Love to uh' missing subject 'I' and has incorrect verb form and preposition. Use 'I love to look' (correct subject + infinitive) and 'look out of the window' or 'look out the window'. 'Different scenarios' is better as 'different scenes', and 'capture it in my phone' should be 'capture them on my phone' (plural agreement and correct preposition). Suggestions: always include the subject before verbs, use infinitive after 'love to', choose correct prepositions ('out of/on'), and match pronoun number to the noun.

× I love taking pictures of different scenarios and natural beauties.

✓ I love taking pictures of different scenes and natural beauty.

'Scenarios' is an odd choice for landscapes; 'scenes' is more natural. 'Natural beauties' is uncountable in this context and should be 'natural beauty'. The verb form 'taking' is correct after 'love', so only nouns and number needed adjustment. Suggest using natural collocations: 'scenes' and 'natural beauty'.

× I prefer mountain because of its weather and I love how the the surface is covered with the snow.

✓ I prefer the mountains because of their weather, and I love how the surface is covered with snow.

The learner used singular 'mountain' but likely means the general category 'mountains' and omitted the article. Use 'the mountains' or 'mountainous areas'. Pronoun 'its' should be 'their' to match plural. 'The the' is a duplication. 'Covered with the snow' should be 'covered with snow' (no definite article). Suggestions: choose singular or plural consistently and match pronouns; avoid duplicate words and unnecessary articles.

× It's white. It's literally.

✓ It's white; it really is.

'It's literally' is incomplete and informal. 'Literally' is often overused; here 'it really is' conveys the intended emphasis. Also avoid sentence fragments. Suggest using a complete clause after 'it's'.

× I really love love watching that. It's feels so good, I love it.

✓ I really love watching that; it feels so good. I love it.

There is a repeated word 'love love' (redundant) and 'It's feels' mixes contraction 'it's' with verb 'feels' causing a subject-verb error. Remove duplication and use correct subject 'it' with verb 'feels'. Also split into clear sentences. Suggestions: avoid repetition unless for emphasis and ensure subject-verb agreement ('it feels').