Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two specific supporting details. Correct grammar (e.g., remove unnecessary words like “a” in “a fond of”) and avoid repetition. Use a linking phrase if adding a reason.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I enjoy watching natural scenery because it relaxes me and gives ideas for my future work as a tour guide. For example, I often notice interesting landscapes or local villages that I later research.

提案: Improve accuracy and clarity. Answer directly, correct verb forms and word choice (e.g., “in my font” → “in my phone”), and use logical linking words to explain purpose and effect. Limit to 2–3 sentences to avoid redundancy.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the window because they help me capture special moments. Later, when I have free time, I scroll through those photos to remember trips and lift my mood.

提案: Answer directly, correct grammar and choose precise vocabulary. Use one clear reason with a brief specific detail. Replace vague words (“Bank of the beach”, “your scenery”) with natural phrases like “the shore” or “the view”.

例: I prefer the sea to the mountains. In summer I enjoy sitting on the shore because it is peaceful and I like watching the waves and the wide coastal view.

× Yes, I am a fond of travelling and I am.

✓ Yes, I am fond of travelling.

The article 'a' is incorrectly used before the adjective phrase 'fond of'; 'fond of' does not take an indefinite article. Remove 'a' and the repeated 'I am' to form a grammatical concise sentence. Suggestion: say 'I am fond of travelling' or 'I like travelling.'

× I love to travel a lot and my goal is to become a tour guide so I love to watch the natural scenery outside the bus and the car which helps to me to relax my mind and it was very eye-catching.

✓ I love to travel, and my goal is to become a tour guide, so I enjoy watching the natural scenery outside the bus or car because it helps me relax; it is very eye-catching.

This original sentence is a run-on with awkward phrases. Fixes include: use 'enjoy watching' rather than 'love to watch' for variety, use 'outside the bus or car' (not 'the bus and the car'), remove 'helps to me to' and replace with 'helps me relax', and change 'it was very eye-catching' to present 'it is very eye-catching' to match habitual action. Suggestion: break into shorter sentences for clarity.

× Uh, yes, I do take the photos of the scenery outside the window because it helps me to capture the scenic view in my font.

✓ Uh, yes, I do take photos of the scenery outside the window because it helps me capture the scenic view on my phone.

The phrase 'in my font' is incorrect; likely intended 'on my phone'. Also, 'helps me to capture' can be simplified to 'helps me capture'. Use 'take photos' without 'the' for general action. Suggestion: 'I take photos... on my phone.'

× So when I were free, I used to scroll my photo library and it helps me to fix my mood.

✓ So when I am free, I scroll through my photo library and it helps me lift my mood.

'Were' is incorrect for first person singular present habitual context; use 'am' or 'was' depending on tense. The sentence mixes past 'used to' with present 'it helps'; keep present for habitual action: 'when I am free, I scroll'. Use 'scroll through' and 'lift my mood' (or 'improve my mood') rather than 'fix my mood'. Suggestion: keep consistent tense for habitual actions.

× Uh, I'm the person who like the beaches most, so I prefer the sea, uh, because in summer it was very peaceful to sit at the Bank of the beach and enjoy your scenery.

✓ I'm a person who likes beaches the most, so I prefer the sea, because in summer it is very peaceful to sit on the bank of the beach and enjoy the scenery.

Use 'likes' to agree with singular subject 'person' (third person singular). Replace 'the beaches most' with 'beaches the most' or 'the beach most' and change 'it was' to present 'it is' for general truth. Use 'sit on the bank of the beach' or better 'sit on the beach' and 'enjoy the scenery' instead of 'your scenery'. Suggestion: 'I like beaches the most' or 'I prefer the sea because it is peaceful to sit on the beach and enjoy the scenery.'