Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (umm), correct tense and word choice, and add a brief specific example. Use one or two linking words if adding detail.

例: Yes. I live in Beijing, the capital of China, so the city has developed rapidly and there are many tall buildings for offices and apartments. For example, the China World Trade Center and several new residential towers are near my home.

提案: Give a clear reason and a specific example; avoid repetition and filler words. Use linking words (for example, because) and concise vocabulary (well-designed, aesthetically pleasing).

例: Yes, I often photograph buildings because many of them are well-designed and aesthetically pleasing. For example, I like photographing the ornate façades of old hutongs and modern glass towers because they create interesting contrasts in my photos.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence naming the building, then give specific reasons why and one detail about the architect or features. Avoid vague phrases and finish your thought.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Beijing SOHO. It was designed by a famous foreign architect and I want to see its curved glass façades and internal public spaces, which are often praised for blending modern style with urban life.

提案: State your position clearly, then give two concise, specific reasons with linking words (because, however). Correct grammar (e.g., 'elevators are often broken', 'it doesn't have an elevator') and avoid fillers.

例: No, I don't. I prefer low-rise buildings because elevators in tall blocks can be unreliable and crowded, and I like having quick access to the street without depending on one lift.

× I live in Beijing and Beijing is the capital city of China, so the development is very, umm, quite quickly.

✓ I live in Beijing and Beijing is the capital city of China, so development is happening very quickly.

The original uses the adverb 'quickly' incorrectly with the noun 'development' without a verb. The phrase 'the development is quite quickly' mixes adjective/noun forms. Use a verb phrase 'development is happening very quickly' or 'development is very rapid' to match present tense and correct word form. Suggestion: use 'is happening very quickly' or 'is very rapid.'

× And so there are many tall buildings for accommodation or for work.

✓ And so there are many tall buildings for accommodation or for work.

This sentence is grammatically acceptable; no change needed. It correctly uses plural 'buildings' and 'there are.' Suggestion: none.

× Yes, because I think some buildings are uh very designed and they're really they're full of aesthetics so that I take photos of them and they're really good in my photos and I think uh it's really.

✓ Yes, because I think some buildings are very well designed and they're full of aesthetic value, so I take photos of them; they look great in my photos and I really like them.

'Very designed' is incorrect; use 'well designed' to modify 'buildings.' 'Full of aesthetics' is awkward; use 'full of aesthetic value' or 'very aesthetic.' 'So that I take photos' is incorrect connector; use 'so I take photos.' The trailing fragment 'and I think uh it's really' is incomplete; complete the thought to 'I really like them.' Suggestions: use 'well designed,' 'aesthetic,' and ensure clauses are complete.

× Do you know Soho in Beijing? There are many sohos and it's a kind of building that's very beautiful.

✓ Do you know Soho in Beijing? There are many Soho complexes, and they are a kind of building that is very beautiful.

'Sohos' as plural is informal; use 'Soho complexes' or 'areas.' The original mixes singular 'it's a kind of building' with plural 'there are many.' Make subject and verb agree: 'they are a kind of building that is very beautiful' or rephrase to 'each is a type of building that is very beautiful.' Suggestion: ensure number agreement between subject and verb.

× It's it's designed by a foreign designer and she's very famous and the building she designed is really.

✓ They were designed by a foreign designer who is very famous, and the buildings she designed are really impressive.

Pronoun confusion: 'it's it's' is a repetition and 'she's' referring to 'a foreign designer' is acceptable but sentence is fragmented and mixes singular/plural. Use plural 'they' for 'buildings' and 'the buildings she designed are really impressive' to complete the thought. Suggestion: match pronouns to their antecedents and finish the sentence.

× No I don't because I think the elevator in tall buildings always broken and for me right now I live in a building for like 6 levels and it don't have a elevator in it and I don't think uh it's really hard.

✓ No, I don't, because I think elevators in tall buildings are always broken. For example, right now I live in a six-storey building and it doesn't have an elevator, but I don't think that is really difficult.

Multiple issues: 'always broken' needs verb 'are' to form passive 'are always broken.' 'For like 6 levels' is informal; use 'six-storey building.' 'It don't have a elevator' has subject-verb agreement and article errors; use 'it doesn't have an elevator.' Also 'it's really hard' should be 'that is really difficult' for clarity. Suggestions: use proper verb forms, subject-verb agreement, correct articles, and formal number expressions.