Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent. Start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid filler words (e.g., “you know”) and repetition to improve naturalness.

例: Yes, there are many tall buildings near my home. Due to rapid urbanization, a lot of people have moved into cities, so developers built high-rise apartments to accommodate the growing population.

提案: Organize your response with a clear main idea and 1–2 specific supporting details. Use linking words (for example, because, especially, so) correctly and avoid hesitation. Mention concrete examples (which buildings or styles) to enrich content.

例: Yes, I often photograph buildings because I see architecture as a form of art. For example, when I travel I especially like photographing historic temples and colonial buildings, and I share the best shots with my friends as souvenirs.

提案: Clarify and correct vocabulary and structure. Begin with a direct answer (Yes/No or I would like to visit...), then name a specific building and explain why with 1–2 concrete reasons. Remove hesitations and incorrect phrases like “not super safe one.”

例: If I could choose, I would like to visit the Statue of Liberty in the United States. It is a famous symbol of freedom and I would like to see its scale and learn about its history.

提案: Answer directly and give two concise, specific reasons using linking words. Replace vague phrases with precise vocabulary (e.g., apartment vs flat house, ground-floor house). Keep sentences varied but brief and avoid repetition.

例: I prefer living in a low-rise house rather than a high-rise apartment because it is easier to access and often has outdoor space. For instance, a ground-floor house would allow me to have a small garden where I can relax.

× Yeah, there are a lot of tall buildings in China now because, you know, all have, you know, these these days people, you know, they are they, they urbanization, you know, so the people, they just move into the city and it's very crowded.

✓ Yeah, there are a lot of tall buildings in China now because of urbanization, so people just move into the city and it's very crowded.

The original sentence misuses pronouns ('they are they, they') and has awkward phrasing. Replace redundant pronouns with a clear noun phrase 'urbanization' and restructure the sentence. Suggestion: use 'because of urbanization' and avoid repeating pronouns or filler words.

× So they build a lot of, you know, high buildings to live.

✓ So they build a lot of high-rise buildings to live in.

The verb phrase 'to live' needs the preposition 'in' to indicate location. Also 'high buildings' is better as 'high-rise buildings.' Rearranged to 'build a lot of high-rise buildings to live in.'

× Yeah, I like taking photos of buildings because I think it's kind of art and it's really nice to share the picture with my friends whenever, when I traveling around the world and if I saw the buildings, especially that that kind of ancient buildings, I think it's a good memory.

✓ Yeah, I like taking photos of buildings because I think it's a kind of art and it's really nice to share the pictures with my friends whenever I travel around the world, and if I see buildings, especially ancient ones, I think it's a good memory.

Use present simple 'travel' after 'whenever' and present simple 'see' for general habits. Correct 'picture' to plural 'pictures' to match 'share with my friends.' Remove duplicate words and use 'ancient ones' instead of 'that that kind of ancient buildings.'

× And so that's why I take the photos.

✓ And so that's why I take photos.

The original sentence has unnecessary definite article 'the' before 'photos.' Use present simple 'take photos' to indicate habitual action. No past tense is required.

× I'm not super safe one, but if I can choose, I would like to visit America.

✓ I'm not sure, but if I could choose, I would like to visit America.

'Not super safe one' is ungrammatical; likely intended 'not sure.' Use conditional 'if I could choose' for hypothetical preference and 'would like to visit' is correct.

× You know, I think it is a there is a, you know, about the Statue of the Liberty freedom, you know, that statue.

✓ You know, I think of the Statue of Liberty when I think about freedom.

Original is fragmented and uses redundant fillers. Rephrase to a clear clause: 'I think of the Statue of Liberty when I think about freedom.' Remove extra 'there is a' and 'that statue.'

× I think that's a really symbolic, you know, building about the freedom.

✓ I think that's a really symbolic building representing freedom.

Use 'symbolic' without a comma and specify 'representing freedom' rather than 'about the freedom.' This clarifies meaning and improves adjective-noun connection.

× Personally, I prefer living in the flat house, not the high buildings, you know, if because the flat house is easier to access and I like the flat house and I can have my own garden, this kind of things, it's really relaxing.

✓ Personally, I prefer living in a flat, not in a high-rise building, because a flat is easier to access and I can have my own garden; these kinds of things are really relaxing.

Use indefinite article 'a flat' for general preference and singular 'building' for the category. 'High-rise building' is the correct term. Use 'in a flat' and 'because a flat is...' Correct 'this kind of things' to 'these kinds of things' to match plural. Also maintain consistent prepositions ('in').

× I like the chill style of life.

✓ I like the relaxed lifestyle.

'Chill' is informal; 'relaxed lifestyle' is more natural and grammatically correct. 'Style of life' is less common than 'lifestyle.'