Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid redundancy ("not near the city" and "on the edge of a city"). Use a linking word if you add extra information.

例: No, there aren’t many tall buildings near my home. I live in a small village on the outskirts of a city, so most structures are low-rise houses rather than skyscrapers.

提案: Avoid repetition and correct grammar. Provide one clear reason and a brief example. Use a linking word to connect reason and example.

例: Yes, I take photos of buildings quite often because the light at golden hour makes architectural details look dramatic. For example, I recently photographed an old town hall when the low sun highlighted its façade.

提案: Be precise and avoid redundant phrases. Begin with a clear statement, then give one or two specific reasons. Use linking words to join ideas (e.g., because, so).

例: Yes, I would like to visit the Burj Khalifa because I’m curious about its height and the view from the observation deck. I’d especially like to see how the city looks from so high up.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and a coherent, grammatically correct reason. Avoid fragmented sentences and unclear statements about likelihood. Add a brief supporting detail or comparison.

例: No, I wouldn’t want to live in a tall building because I’d worry about risks like earthquakes. For example, in my region buildings are mostly low-rise, which feels safer in case of natural disasters.

× No, there are not many tall buildings near my home since I live in a village and not near the city, but only on the edge of a city, if you could say it that way.

✓ No, there are not many tall buildings near my home since I live in a village, not near the city, but on the edge of a city, if you could say it that way.

The phrase 'and not near the city, but only on the edge of a city' uses redundant prepositions and conjunctions that make the sentence awkward. Removing 'and' and 'only' after 'but' and tightening the clause improves clarity and corrects prepositional use. Suggestion: say 'I live in a village, not near the city, but on the edge of a city.'

× Oh, I do that very often, especially when it's the golden hour. It's sort of gives me a very urban feeling, and it's especially attractive at the golden hour.

✓ Oh, I do that very often, especially during the golden hour. It sort of gives me a very urban feeling, and the light is especially attractive at that time.

The structure 'It's sort of gives' mixes a dummy subject 'it' with an active verb form incorrectly; use 'It sort of gives' or rephrase. 'When it's the golden hour' is acceptable but 'during the golden hour' is more natural. Clarify by replacing the repeated clause with 'the light is especially attractive.'

× Yes, actually, even though it's not really a building but a skyscraper. I really want to visit the Burj Khalifa since I'm very curious about how tall it really is and what it must feel like to be at the top at the tallest building of the entire world.

✓ Yes, actually it's not really a building but a skyscraper. I really want to visit the Burj Khalifa since I'm very curious about how tall it really is and what it must feel like to be at the top of the tallest building in the world.

Punctuation: the first part should be one sentence or connected with a comma; removing the period makes it flow. Use 'at the top of the tallest building in the world' rather than 'at the top at the tallest building of the entire world' which misuses prepositions and articles. 'In the world' is the correct idiom. Suggest simplifying to 'top of the tallest building in the world.'

× Honestly, no, since an earthquake could lead to. Dangerous situations and if this tall building collapses then the chance of survival is very high.

✓ Honestly, no, since an earthquake could lead to dangerous situations, and if such a tall building collapsed the chance of survival would be very low.

The original has a sentence fragment 'could lead to.' followed by 'Dangerous situations' as a fragment and an incorrect logical conclusion 'chance of survival is very high' which contradicts the danger. Correct by combining fragments, using 'lead to dangerous situations', and making the conditional consistent: use past tense 'collapsed' with 'would' for hypothetical result and correct 'very low' for survival chance. Suggest practicing conditional sentence forms (second conditional) and avoiding sentence fragments.