Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise, correct grammatical errors, and use linking words to contrast your home and the town. Remove repetition and watch verb forms. Provide one clear topic sentence then a brief contrastive detail.

例: I live in the outskirts, so most houses near my home are one or two storeys. However, in the nearby town there are many taller buildings, some four or five storeys high.

提案: Use correct tense and smoother phrasing; start with a direct topic sentence, then add a specific example and linking word. Avoid awkward phrasing like 'that much'.

例: I don't often take photos of buildings. However, if I notice a particularly attractive view or an interesting architectural detail, I will take a picture, for example when a building has colorful murals.

提案: Remove hesitations and repetition, use one clear topic sentence and follow with specific reasons. Use linking words to organise reasons (for example, 'because' and 'also').

例: Yes, I'd like to visit the City Mall because it has many shops, restaurants and a cinema. I enjoy going there to shop and meet friends, and I can also watch a movie with my family, so it offers a lot of entertainment.

提案: Avoid fillers like 'um' and 'uh' and unnecessary address 'Sir'. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give specific reasons and contrast with your current situation using linking words. Keep it concise (no more than 5 sentences).

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building in the future because it often offers better views and modern facilities. At the moment I live on the outskirts surrounded by farms, so the environment is very different from city high-rises.

× No, we're live in the outskirts of the city so there are only one story or two-story houses.

✓ No, we live in the outskirts of the city, so there are only one-story or two-story houses.

The verb 'we're live' incorrectly combines contraction 'we're' (we are) with 'live'; use 'we live' for present simple. Also 'one story' should be hyphenated as 'one-story' when used as a compound adjective before a noun. This correction ensures subject-verb form and correct compound adjective usage. Suggestion: Use 'we live' for habitual location and hyphenate compound adjectives. Note: If counting houses, consider pluralizing 'houses' (already plural) and ensure consistency.

× But in the town there are a lot of tall buildings like 4 Storey, 5 Storey and many more.

✓ But in the town there are a lot of tall buildings like 4-storey, 5-storey and many more.

Numbers used as modifiers before nouns should use hyphenated compound adjectives ('4-storey'). Also 'Storey' should not be capitalized. Suggestion: Use lower-case and hyphens for multi-word modifiers and consider writing numbers as words in formal speech: 'four-storey, five-storey.'

× No, I didn't take photos of building that much, but whenever I saw a beautiful view right next to the building then I clicked the picture.

✓ No, I didn't take photos of buildings that much, but whenever I saw a beautiful view next to a building, I clicked a picture.

Use plural 'buildings' after 'photos of' for general reference. 'That much' is informal but acceptable; word order and articles need correction: 'right next to the building then I clicked the picture' is awkward—remove 'then' and use 'a building' and 'a picture' for general instances. The past tense 'didn't take' and 'saw' and 'clicked' are consistent. Suggestion: Use plural nouns for general references and use indefinite articles ('a') when mentioning a non-specific building or picture.

× I would like to I would. I would like to visit the City Mall because it has many shops, restaurants and cinema.

✓ I would like to visit the City Mall because it has many shops, restaurants and a cinema.

The phrase 'I would like to I would.' is a repetition and should be removed. Also 'cinema' as one of many facilities needs the article 'a cinema.' Suggestion: Avoid redundant fragments and include appropriate articles for singular countable nouns.

× I enjoy going there to shop and meet my friends and watch a movie with my family and it's plenty of entertainment.

✓ I enjoy going there to shop, meet my friends and watch a movie with my family; it's plenty of entertainment.

The original is a run-on with repeated 'and'. Adding commas and a semicolon (or splitting into two sentences) improves readability. 'Plenty of entertainment' is acceptable but more natural as 'it provides plenty of entertainment.' Suggestion: Use varied sentence structure and link clauses clearly: '...with my family; it provides plenty of entertainment.'

× Yes, Sir. I want to live in a tall building in the future, uh, whenever I get a chance, but right now, uh, I live in uh, outskirts of the city and uh, there are uh, farms so all around our house.

✓ Yes, sir. I want to live in a tall building in the future, whenever I get a chance, but right now I live in the outskirts of the city and there are farms all around our house.

Use lowercase 'sir' in mid-sentence. 'Live in the outskirts' requires the definite article 'the'. Remove filler 'uh' for clarity. 'Farms so all around our house' is awkward; correct order is 'farms all around our house.' Suggestion: Omit fillers, use 'the outskirts' for that expression, and order words to place adverbs/phrases correctly.