Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, correct repetition/grammar, and add one specific detail using a linking word. Avoid long run-on sentences.

例: Yes. There are many tall buildings near my home in Istanbul. Because the city has expanded rapidly, high-rise apartment blocks and a few skyscrapers are common, and I enjoy the views from my balcony.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, fix grammar, and provide a clear reason with a linking word. Be specific about what you photograph and why, and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I often take photos of buildings. I especially photograph historic architecture because I appreciate the details, and later I review the images to study design features.

提案: Begin with a concise topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repeating ideas and tighten tense usage when describing past experience and future plans.

例: Yes, the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I visited once but left because the queues were long and the weather was unbearably hot; next time, I plan to go early in the morning when it’s cooler so I can enjoy the views.

提案: Provide a clear opening sentence, correct small hesitations, and give one specific example of a facility or security feature with a linking word to explain why it matters. Keep it to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because they tend to be more modern. For example, many have on-site gyms and advanced security systems like keyless entry, which makes daily life more convenient and safer.

× Yes, there are quite a few tall buildings that are close to the area where I live because I live in AI live in Istanbul which is known for sprawl so there are a lot of high rise buildings and skyscrapers and I like their views.

✓ Yes, there are quite a few tall buildings near the area where I live because I live in Istanbul, which is known for urban sprawl, so there are a lot of high-rise buildings and skyscrapers, and I like their views.

This sentence contains repetition ('I live in AI live in'), missing punctuation, run-on structure, and awkward phrase choices. Fix by removing the repeated phrase, adding commas to separate clauses, using the adjective 'high-rise' with a hyphen, and replacing 'sprawl' with 'urban sprawl' for clarity. Also break ideas with commas to improve readability. Suggestion: Read the sentence aloud and insert punctuation where natural pauses occur; remove repeated fragments and use concise modifiers.

× Yes, I usually capture the high rise buildings on the camera when I find them.

✓ Yes, I usually take photos of high-rise buildings when I find them.

'Capture the high rise buildings on the camera' is awkward and uses noun-heavy phrasing. Use the verb 'take photos of' which is natural in English. Also 'high-rise' should be hyphenated as a compound adjective. Keep present simple tense 'usually take' for habitual action. Suggestion: Use natural collocations such as 'take photos of' or 'photograph' instead of literal constructions like 'capture on the camera.'

× Good architecture and old, especially the the old buildings photos because I can look at them after taking photos.

✓ I especially like photos of good architecture and old buildings because I can look at them afterwards.

The original is fragmented and contains a repeated word ('the the') and poor word order. Combine ideas into a complete sentence, place 'especially' before the emphasized element, and use 'afterwards' for clarity. Remove repetition and ensure subject and verb are present. Suggestion: Form full sentences with clear subjects and verbs; avoid repetitions and place adverbs like 'especially' near the words they modify.

× Yes, I would love to visit Eiffel Tower in Paris because it looks really fascinating.

✓ Yes, I would love to visit the Eiffel Tower in Paris because it looks really fascinating.

Place the definite article 'the' before 'Eiffel Tower' because names of specific monuments commonly require 'the' in English. Without the article the noun phrase is ungrammatical. Suggestion: Use 'the' with well-known landmarks (the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty).

× Actually, I have been there once, but it was a very long queue and the weather was very hot, so I couldn't wait in the queue.

✓ Actually, I went there once, but there was a very long queue and the weather was very hot, so I couldn't wait in line.

'I have been there once' is not wrong but mixing present perfect with a specific past event described by 'it was' is stylistically inconsistent; using simple past 'I went' matches 'it was' and 'couldn't'. Also 'wait in the queue' is correct British English, but 'wait in line' is more natural in general contexts; use one consistently. 'There was a very long queue' is clearer than 'it was a very long queue.' Suggestion: Use simple past for completed, specific past events described with time context; choose either British or American phrasing consistently.

× But the next time I will follow the weather and I will go there again because it's really stunning.

✓ But next time I'll check the weather and go there again because it's really stunning.

When talking about planned future actions, English often uses present simple or contracted future for naturalness. Repeating 'I will' is wordy; combine actions with a contraction 'I'll' and use 'check the weather' (more idiomatic) rather than 'follow the weather.' Suggestion: Use contractions and idiomatic verbs (check the weather) and avoid unnecessary repetition of 'will.'

× Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because it is more modern rather than old buildings and also it has better facilities such as gym or sauna and better security systems such as Face ID entrance to the building and it has modern uh structure which makes them really good.

✓ Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because it is more modern than older buildings, and it also has better facilities such as a gym or sauna, better security systems such as Face ID entrance, and a modern structure, which makes them really appealing.

Multiple issues: use 'more modern than' for comparison rather than 'more modern rather than'; use 'older buildings' rather than 'old buildings' for parallel comparison; include articles before singular count nouns ('a gym'); add commas to separate list items; 'Face ID entrance to the building' is awkward—simplify to 'Face ID entrance'; 'uh' is filler and should be removed; 'structure' should be preceded by an article 'a modern structure'; 'them' is unclear—replace with 'appealing.' Suggestion: Use correct comparative structure 'more ... than', include articles before singular nouns, remove filler words, and structure lists with commas for clarity.