Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, umm), and use one or two supporting details with linking words. For example, say you live in a rural area and describe surroundings briefly.

例: No, there aren’t any tall buildings near my home. I live in a rural area surrounded by trees and forest, so most structures are low-rise; consequently, the skyline is mostly natural rather than urban.

提案: Expand your answer with a reason and an example to make it more informative. Avoid fillers and give a short supporting detail using a linking word such as because or although.

例: No, I don’t usually take photos of buildings because I prefer photographing nature. For instance, when I go for walks in the nearby forest I take pictures of trees and streams rather than architecture.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence, use linking words to expand, and add a specific reason or detail about what interests you. Avoid filler words and correct tense/grammar (e.g., “in the future if I get the chance”).

例: Yes, I would like to visit the Burj Khalifa in the future if I get the chance, because I’m curious about its height and modern design. I’d particularly like to go to the observation deck to see the city view.

提案: Clarify your main point and give coherent supporting reasons. Avoid repetition and fix grammar (e.g., ‘When I become an international student’). Use linking words to explain why living in a tall building appeals to you.

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because it offers great views and convenient facilities. For example, when I become an international student I might prefer a high-rise apartment near campus for easy access to shops and public transport.

× Uh no. The place where I live is surrounded by umm trees and forest so and tall buildings are not near my home.

✓ Uh, no. The place where I live is surrounded by trees and a forest, so tall buildings are not near my home.

The sentence has unnecessary filler words and a faulty conjunction 'so and' that creates an awkward structure. Also the noun phrases need an article: 'trees and a forest' or simply 'trees and forest' is acceptable but 'a forest' is clearer. Suggest removing duplicate fillers, use a comma before 'so' to join independent clauses, and remove the extra 'and'. Improve fluency by saying 'surrounded by trees and a forest, so tall buildings are not near my home.'

× Uh, no, I do not take photos of buildings.

✓ Uh, no, I do not take photos of buildings.

This sentence is grammatically acceptable; no article correction is required. It correctly uses the plural 'buildings' without an article to indicate buildings in general. Keep as is.

× Uh, yeah, the building that I want to visit is Burj Khalifa in future if I got the chance.

✓ Uh, yeah, the building that I want to visit is the Burj Khalifa in the future if I get the chance.

Errors: missing definite article 'the' before 'Burj Khalifa' (proper names of well-known buildings often take 'the'), missing 'the' before 'future' and incorrect tense 'if I got' (mixed past with future). Use present simple in conditional for future possibility: 'if I get the chance.' Also include 'in the future.'

× Yes, I would like to live in a tall building. When I would be a international, I would be an international student I.

✓ Yes, I would like to live in a tall building. When I am an international student, I would be an international student.

Multiple issues: 'a international' is wrong because 'international' begins with a vowel sound and requires 'an' not 'a' (article error). The clause 'When I would be' incorrectly uses 'would' in a time clause; use present simple 'When I am' for future time clauses. The original also repeats and ends with stray 'I.' Revised: 'When I am an international student, I would like to live in a tall building' or keep sentences separate as corrected. Suggest using 'When I am an international student' and correct article to 'an.'