Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect plural forms (e.g., "a lot of tall buildings", not "a lot of tall building"). Also correct grammar (e.g., "I live in an industrial area") and remove irrelevant machine descriptions unless they explain why buildings are tall.

例: Yes. I live in an industrial area, so there are a lot of tall factory buildings near my home. For example, several brick and marble factories with multi-storey storage occupy the neighborhood, which makes the skyline appear quite tall.

提案: Answer directly and avoid filler phrases. Use present simple (I take photos) and one clear reason with an example. Use linking words like "because" or "for example" to connect ideas and correct tense (e.g., "I take" not "I take took").

例: Yes, I often take photos of interesting buildings because I like their architecture and atmosphere. For example, when I visit a mall with an attractive façade, I usually take a photo to remember the view.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence naming the building, then give specific reasons concisely. Use linking words (for example, because, such as) and avoid repetition. Correct phrasing ("I would like to visit the Centaurus in Islamabad") and use 2–3 short supporting details about what attracts you there.

例: Yes. I would like to visit the Centaurus in Islamabad because it has large shopping areas and many restaurants. For example, I want to try the food court and see the cinemas and brand stores that the building offers.

提案: Start with a concise statement, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition and awkward phrases (e.g., "buy the apartment or buy an apartment"). Use correct tense and smoother expressions ("I would" or "I want to").

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because I enjoy panoramic views of the old city from higher floors. For example, if I could, I would buy an apartment at the top of the Centaurus to enjoy the scenery every day.

× Yes, there are a lot of tall building near my home because I am living in an industrial place where different type of marble cutting machines, machines for example, different oil making machines as well for example.

✓ Yes, there are a lot of tall buildings near my home because I live in an industrial area where different types of marble-cutting machines and oil-making machines operate.

The noun 'building' should be plural ('buildings') to agree with 'a lot of'. 'Type' should be plural ('types') because multiple kinds are mentioned. 'I am living' is awkward for a general fact; use simple present 'I live'. 'Place' is better as 'area' in this context. Use hyphenation for compound modifiers ('marble-cutting', 'oil-making'). Suggestion: Use plural nouns to match quantifiers and prefer simple present for habitual or general statements.

× There are too many other industries near to my home.

✓ There are too many other industries near my home.

The preposition 'to' is unnecessary with 'near'. Use 'near my home' not 'near to my home'. Suggestion: Use 'near' alone when indicating proximity.

× So yes there are too many tall buildings where the bricks are made, they are available.

✓ So yes, there are many tall buildings where bricks are made and available.

The original is a run-on with awkward clause structure and an unnecessary pronoun 'they'. Combine ideas with a conjunction and remove redundant words. Also 'too many' can be simplified to 'many' for clarity. Suggestion: Connect related ideas cleanly and avoid redundant pronouns.

× Yes, I really take the photos of the buildings whenever I go to the mall, a mall or Mart and if I saw the view and which is so amazing for me, I take took the picture for my memories.

✓ Yes, I often take photos of buildings whenever I go to the mall or a mart; if I see a view that amazes me, I take a picture for my memories.

Use 'often' instead of 'really' for frequency. 'Take the photos' -> 'take photos' is more natural. 'If I saw' is past; use present 'if I see' for habitual actions. 'Which is so amazing for me' is ungrammatical; use a relative clause 'that amazes me'. 'I take took' mixes tenses; use 'I take'. Suggestion: Keep consistent present tense for habitual actions and use correct relative clauses.

× So yes, I really like to take the picture of the buildings because of their ambience and the places they have.

✓ So yes, I really like to take pictures of buildings because of their ambience and the places they contain.

Use plural 'pictures' and remove 'the' before 'buildings' when speaking generally. 'The places they have' is unclear; 'the places they contain' or 'the spaces they offer' is clearer. Suggestion: Use plural nouns for general statements and choose clearer nouns for meaning.

× Yes, there is a building. The name of the building is Centaurus, which is located in Islamabad.

✓ Yes, there is a building called Centaurus, which is located in Islamabad.

Combine sentences for conciseness: 'a building called Centaurus' is more natural than separate sentences. This is a stylistic improvement while maintaining correct 'there is'. Suggestion: Combine related information into a single clear sentence.

× And in my, if I get a chance, I will definitely visit that place because that place is a lot of different type of portions like the food courts as one area and different cinematic places over there and the cinemas and the food courts as I've mentioned because there are a lot of different brands that are available in that building.

✓ If I get a chance, I will definitely visit it because it has many different sections, such as food courts and cinemas, and many different brands are available in the building.

Remove extraneous words and correct pluralization: 'a lot of different type of portions' -> 'many different sections'. Avoid repeating 'food courts' and 'cinemas'. Use future 'will' appropriately but keep sentence concise. Suggestion: Use clear nouns ('sections') and correct plural forms, and avoid repetition.

× Yes, I want to live in a tall building because from the top of that building I can see the view and I can enjoy the view of Old City.

✓ Yes, I want to live in a tall building because from the top I can enjoy the view of the Old City.

Redundant 'I can see the view and I can enjoy the view' can be condensed. Use 'the Old City' (definite article) because it refers to a specific place. Keep present tense modal 'want' and modal 'can'. Suggestion: Combine repetitive clauses and use 'the' for specific places.

× Like as I've mentioned, the Centaurus and the Centaurus, there are apartments at the top of that building.

✓ As I mentioned, Centaurus has apartments at the top of the building.

Avoid repeating 'the Centaurus and the Centaurus' and use correct pronoun reference. 'As I mentioned' is the correct phrase, not 'Like as I've mentioned'. Suggestion: Use concise references and correct introductory phrases.

× So whenever I get a chance, I will definitely buy the apartment or buy an apartment over there.

✓ So whenever I get a chance, I will definitely buy an apartment there.

Reduce redundancy 'buy the apartment or buy an apartment' to 'buy an apartment'. Use 'there' rather than 'over there' for formality. Future tense 'will' is appropriate. Suggestion: Avoid repeating the same verb phrase; choose the correct article ('an') for non-specific apartments.

× So feel the enjoyment of that view.

✓ So I would be able to enjoy that view.

Original is a fragment lacking a clear subject. Make it a full clause with subject and modal auxiliary to match previous sentence. 'I would be able to enjoy' fits the conditional/future desire context. Suggestion: Ensure each sentence has a subject and verb and matches the tense and modality of surrounding sentences.