Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce repetition, correct small grammar issues, and make the response slightly more concise while keeping specific detail. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two supporting details with a linking word. Also fix the duplicated word “I” and avoid overly informal phrases.

例: Yes, there are several tall buildings near my home, mainly high-rise apartments and office towers. For example, I often admire the skyline and sometimes count the floors as I walk past because it makes me feel cheerful.

提案: Use more formal phrasing (avoid “Yeah”), remove redundancy (don’t repeat “whenever”), and make the reason clearer and more specific. Limit to a couple of concise sentences and use linking words like “because” or “when.”

例: Yes, I often photograph buildings when I appreciate their architecture and unique details. For instance, when I visit a new place I take pictures to remember the view and to study interesting design features later.

提案: Make the response more natural and correct grammar: drop extra articles, fix word choice (e.g. “the Paris” → “Paris”, “lights particle” → “light display”), and avoid repetition. Provide one clear supporting reason and one specific detail about what you would do there.

例: Yes, I would love to visit the Eiffel Tower in Paris because it is an iconic landmark. In particular, I want to see its nightly light display and take photographs and videos from the viewing platform.

提案: Avoid starting sentences with “Because” and reduce repetition (“helps me relax and calm”). Begin with a direct topic sentence and then add one or two concise supporting reasons. Fix small grammar issues (e.g. “nights where” → “nights when”).

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because the view from the top floor is breathtaking. At night the city lights create a spectacular skyline, and I enjoy stepping out onto the balcony for fresh air to help me relax.

× I really I enjoy looking at the skyline and often count the floors whenever I pass by because it makes me feel happy.

✓ I really enjoy looking at the skyline and often count the floors whenever I pass by because it makes me feel happy.

There is an extra pronoun 'I' causing a redundant phrase and interrupting the present simple tense. Remove the duplicate 'I' to maintain correct sentence structure and present simple usage. Suggestion: read the sentence aloud to catch duplicated words.

× I often take photos of the buildings whenever I like the architecture and their uniqueness, especially whenever I go to the new place because it really makes me excited and I miss the view of the building.

✓ I often take photos of buildings when I like their architecture and uniqueness, especially when I go to a new place because it really excites me and I miss the view of the building.

Use of 'the buildings' and 'whenever' is awkward; 'buildings' (general) and 'when' are more natural. 'Their' correctly refers to buildings. 'It really makes me excited' is an incorrect verb pattern; use 'excites me' or 'makes me excited' with clear subject. 'I miss the view' suggests past or absent; kept but clarified. Suggestion: prefer 'when' for general occasions and use active verbs like 'excites me'.

× Yes, I would like to visit the Eiffel Tower because it stands in the heart of the Paris and there is an iconic beautiful landmark that I want to visit.

✓ Yes, I would like to visit the Eiffel Tower because it stands in the heart of Paris and is an iconic, beautiful landmark that I want to visit.

Use of the definite article 'the' before 'Paris' is incorrect; city names normally appear without articles. Also sentence had redundant 'there is' and awkward word order; combine clauses and use commas between adjectives. Suggestion: remove 'the' before city names and place adjectives in natural order with commas.

× I especially want to see it at night because the lights particle and also I plan to take photograph and video.

✓ I especially want to see it at night because of the lights' sparkle, and I also plan to take photographs and videos.

'Lights particle' is incorrect wording; likely intended 'sparkle' or 'light display'. Use possessive 'lights'' for the sparkle of the lights. 'Photograph' should be plural 'photographs' and 'video' plural 'videos' for general plans. Suggestion: choose correct noun ('sparkle' or 'display') and use plural forms for countable nouns when referring generally.

× Because I would like to live in a tall building.

✓ I would like to live in a tall building.

Sentence begins with 'Because' creating a sentence fragment lacking the main clause it depends on. Remove 'Because' to form a complete independent sentence. Suggestion: avoid starting with subordinating conjunctions unless followed by the main clause.

× Because the view from the top floor is breathtaking, especially the nights where the city lights create a spectacular skyline that helps me relax and calm and feel the fresh air from the balcony.

✓ The view from the top floor is breathtaking, especially at night when the city lights create a spectacular skyline that helps me relax and feel the fresh air from the balcony.

Multiple issues: 'Because' created fragment and was removed. 'The nights' should be 'at night' for general time expression. 'Where' is better replaced by 'when' for time. 'Relax and calm' is ungrammatical; use 'relax and feel' or 'calm down'. Also streamline wording for clarity. Suggestion: use 'at night' for general times and pair verbs correctly (relax, calm down, feel).