Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Start with a concise direct answer (topic sentence), then add one or two specific supporting details. Reduce redundancy and avoid unnecessary clauses. Use a linking word to connect your reason. Also correct the minor factual phrasing: say "a small town called Joshua" and avoid repeating country-size inaccurately.

例: No, there are not many tall buildings near my home. I live in a small town called Joshua, so most high-rises are in the capital, Dhaka.

提案: Give a direct short answer, then support with a clear reason and an example. Combine repetitive sentences and use a linking word (e.g., "however" or "only when"). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Not really. I only take photos of famous or landmark buildings when I visit a place, for example I photographed the old mosque in my hometown last year.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence and avoid filler words (uh, I mean). Provide one specific detail or reason and explain it briefly using a linking word. The sunset detail is interesting but should be stated more clearly and concisely.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the Burj Khalifa in Dubai because it is the tallest building in the world and architecturally impressive. I have heard, for example, that the sunset can appear at slightly different times at different heights, which I find fascinating.

提案: Answer directly, then give a clear, specific reason using a linking word like "because". Remove hesitations and grammar mistakes (e.g., "one of the reasons is"). You can add a brief contrasting statement if helpful.

例: No, I would not like to live in a tall building because Bangladesh is earthquake-prone, and I feel lower houses are safer during quakes.

× No, there are not many tall buildings near my home because I live in a small town, it's called Joshua.

✓ No, there are not many tall buildings near my home because I live in a small town called Joshua.

The clause 'it's called Joshua' is unnecessary and creates a comma splice. Use the reduced noun phrase 'a small town called Joshua' to combine information properly. This fixes sentence structure and punctuation. Suggestion: Use 'a small town called Joshua' or 'a small town, Joshua' if you want a non-restrictive appositive.

× Bangladesh is relatively small and tall buildings are most predominantly in the capital city of Dhaka.

✓ Bangladesh is relatively small, and tall buildings are mostly concentrated in the capital city, Dhaka.

The original uses 'most predominantly' which is redundant and awkward. Also the sentence needed a conjunction comma and clearer phrasing. Use 'mostly concentrated' to express location distribution, and set 'Dhaka' off as an appositive if desired. Suggestion: Keep wording simple: 'tall buildings are mostly concentrated in the capital city, Dhaka.'

× Not really. I take photos of buildings that are landmarks.

✓ Not really. I take photos of buildings that are landmarks.

No correction needed; sentence is grammatically correct. It uses present simple appropriately to state habitual action.

× Or if I visit some place and that building is famous, I take photos of that building.

✓ If I visit a place and a building there is famous, I take a photo of it.

Original 'some place' is informal; 'a place' is better. Repeating 'that building' is redundant. Use 'a building there' or 'it' to avoid repetition and 'a photo' (singular) fits natural speech. This improves conciseness and flow. Suggestion: 'If I visit a place and a building there is famous, I take a photo of it.'

× But casually speaking, no I don't.

✓ But, casually speaking, no, I don't.

Add commas to set off the parenthetical phrase 'casually speaking' and add a comma after 'no' for natural speech rhythm. This is punctuation rather than grammar, but it clarifies meaning. Suggestion: 'But, casually speaking, no, I don't.'

× I would like to visit the Burj Khalifa in Dubai because it's the tallest building right now in the entire world and it's magnificent.

✓ I would like to visit the Burj Khalifa in Dubai because it is currently the tallest building in the world, and it's magnificent.

Replace 'right now in the entire world' with 'currently the tallest building in the world' for natural, concise phrasing. 'It's' expanded to 'it is' in the first clause improves formality but both are acceptable. Suggestion: '...because it is currently the tallest building in the world, and it is magnificent.'

× I mean, it's, it's a wonder, uh, I have heard that people, uh, on the lower part of the building have a different time of sunset than people on the upper floors.

✓ I mean, it's a wonder. I have heard that people on the lower floors of the building experience sunset at a different time than people on the upper floors.

Remove filler repetitions and disfluencies for clarity. 'Lower part of the building' is better as 'lower floors.' 'Have a different time of sunset' is awkward; use 'experience sunset at a different time.' Also split into two sentences to avoid a run-on. Suggestion: 'I have heard that people on the lower floors experience sunset at a different time than those on the upper floors.'

× No, I don't. I don't really like tall buildings.

✓ No, I don't. I don't really like tall buildings.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. 'Tall buildings' plural matches general dislike. Suggestion: None.

× Uh, one of the reason is probably that Bangladesh is an earthquake prone country and during earthquakes, uh, tall buildings, uh, they feel it more intensely than smaller or detached houses.

✓ One of the reasons is probably that Bangladesh is an earthquake-prone country, and during earthquakes tall buildings feel it more intensely than smaller, detached houses.

Errors: 'one of the reason' should be 'one of the reasons' (singular/plural agreement). 'Earthquake prone' needs a hyphen as a compound adjective: 'earthquake-prone.' Remove the unnecessary pronoun 'they' after 'tall buildings' (subject already present). Add commas for clarity and hyphenate compound adjectives. Also 'smaller or detached houses' is ambiguous; 'smaller, detached houses' clarifies meaning. Suggestion: 'One of the reasons is probably that Bangladesh is an earthquake-prone country, and during earthquakes tall buildings feel it more intensely than smaller, detached houses.'