Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitations and repetitions, give specific routine details and linking words. Aim for 2–3 sentences, e.g. state frequency and typical duration, then add a reason or effect.

例: Not really. I only walk occasionally, usually for about 20 minutes in the morning, because I prefer to exercise quickly before starting my day. This short walk helps me feel refreshed and more focused.

提案: Use past tense consistently and organize: begin with a clear past-tense topic sentence, then add specific details (who, how often, what you enjoyed) using linking words. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I did. My parents often took me and my siblings for walks to get fresh air, especially on weekends, and we usually had a great time exploring the neighborhood and talking together.

提案: Give a clear, logical answer with specific reasons and linkers. Start with a topic sentence saying main reason, then add two specific reasons (peaceful environment, safety, facilities) and examples. Avoid vague phrases and unrelated points.

例: People like walking in parks because the environment is peaceful and pleasant. For example, parks have trees and flowers that make walking relaxing, and wide paths and other visitors make it feel safe and social.

提案: Be specific about the place and reason, and use a conditional structure correctly. Start with 'If I had the chance...' then name a place and explain why, with linking words. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk along the seaside because the fresh air and views would be very relaxing. I imagine walking for an hour or two while listening to the waves and enjoying the scenery.

提案: Use simple past tense and clear place description. Start with a concise past-tense sentence saying where you went, then add specific details (distance from home, features you liked) using linking words. Avoid unnecessary fillers.

例: Recently I went to the local park near my house. It is large and peaceful, with many flowers and quiet paths, so I enjoy walking there to relax.

× I and I do not walk a lot because, umm, sometime I go for a walk and uh, I, I usually go for a walk in the morning, uh, for 20 minutes I think.

✓ I do not walk a lot because sometimes I go for a walk. I usually walk in the morning for about 20 minutes.

The original sentence uses an incorrect conjunction/subject order ('I and I') and has run-on structure. Replace 'I and I' with a single subject 'I' and split into two clear sentences. Use 'sometimes' (correct adverb) and 'about 20 minutes' for natural timing. This fixes sentence structure and clarity.

× I think I don't spend too much time on walk.

✓ I don't spend too much time walking.

Using 'on walk' is incorrect; English uses the gerund 'walking' to express spending time doing an activity. The corrected sentence uses the verb+ing form to show the activity.

× Yes, I go with my parents and Will and my brother sisters sometimes they go out for a walk and fresh air.

✓ Yes, I went with my parents, Will, my brother and sisters; sometimes we went out for a walk to get fresh air.

The question asked about childhood (past), so use past tense 'went'. Also fix list punctuation and add 'to get fresh air' for correct preposition and meaning. Use 'we' for collective action.

× So they wake me up and said let's go for a walk and we both we all had a great time together so.

✓ They would wake me up and say, 'Let's go for a walk,' and we all had a great time together.

Mixed tenses and reporting style: 'wake' should be past/habitual 'would wake' or 'woke', and 'said' should match as 'say' in reported speech; better is 'would wake me up and say'. Remove redundant words and correct sequence for clarity.

× Because of the environment they like, sometimes there's a lot of people who around you and you're just listening music and running.

✓ Because they like the environment; sometimes there are a lot of people around you, and you are just listening to music and jogging.

Pronoun and word order errors: 'Because of the environment they like' should be 'Because they like the environment'. 'There's a lot of people' should be plural 'there are a lot of people'. Use 'around you' after 'people'. 'Listening music' needs preposition 'to' and 'running' is better as 'jogging' in this context.

× You don't even care about other people's doing your walk, your activities, because there's a very big part.

✓ You don't even care about other people's actions during your walk because the park is very large.

Incorrect use of possessive and gerund: 'other people's doing your walk' is ungrammatical. Use 'other people's actions' or 'what other people are doing'. Also 'part' is incorrect; intended word is 'park'. Clarify meaning and correct noun.

× So you can work easily.

✓ So you can relax or exercise easily.

Sentence 'work easily' is likely incorrect collocation here; walking in a park lets you relax or exercise. Replace with appropriate verb to match context. Also original had unclear meaning.

× I would like to take a chance, so I will go for a very long walk, like uh, I think a one hour walk.

✓ If I had the chance, I would go for a very long walk, probably about an hour.

The original mixes conditional expressions incorrectly. For hypothetical preference use 'If I had the chance, I would...'. Use 'probably about an hour' for natural phrasing and avoid redundant 'I think a one hour walk'.

× Definitely I will spend a lot of time in my walk.

✓ I would definitely spend a lot of time walking.

Maintain conditional mood consistent with previous sentence: 'would' rather than 'will'. Use 'walking' instead of 'in my walk' for correct preposition/gerund.

× Will I go for a local park and it's in Navy in my house and it's very big and and the environment, the peace there, there's a lot of fresh flowers, so I go there for a walk.

✓ I went to a local park near my house called Navy; it is very big and peaceful, with many flowers, so I go there for walks.

The original has wrong tense 'Will I go' and awkward phrasing. Change to past (or present for habitual) depending on meaning: here use past 'went' or present 'I go' for habitual. Clarify location 'near my house' and use 'peaceful' and 'many flowers'. Use 'go there for walks' for natural phrasing.