Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise, fix vocabulary and grammar, and organize into a clear topic sentence plus 1–2 supporting details using linking words. Avoid hesitations and unclear phrases (e.g. “closed area”, “listening to some postcard”). Use correct collocations like “I love walking” and “I avoid public transport”.

例: Yes, I walk a lot. I aim for about 8,000 steps a day, and I often avoid public transport for short trips so I can get some fresh air and sunlight. In the evenings I also enjoy walking with my parents to appreciate the natural surroundings.

提案: Answer directly, correct contradictions and tenses, and make reasons specific. Use linking words (for example, however, because) and avoid repetition. Clarify whether you liked playing but preferred faster transport and explain briefly why.

例: Not really. When I was a child I preferred faster activities like car trips because I thought walking was a waste of time. However, I did enjoy playing games outside sometimes, and I only started valuing walking later for health reasons.

提案: Speak more clearly and use correct vocabulary (e.g. “physical fitness”, “mental health”). Structure with a topic sentence and one specific example. Avoid hesitations and unclear phrases, and use linking words like “for example” and “as a result.”

例: People walk in parks because it improves physical fitness and reduces stress. For example, a friend of mine walks at sunset and says it has noticeably improved his fitness and mental wellbeing, as he feels less stressed and sleeps better.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence naming the place. Clean up word choice (e.g. “pedestrian streets” not “bullying streets”) and avoid repetition. Add one reason and a linking word to make it coherent.

例: I would like to take a long walk in the centre of Ho Chi Minh City with my friends. The pedestrian streets there are lively and scenic, so walking would let us explore the city’s atmosphere and discover interesting shops and cafes.

提案: Answer directly and use past tense for recent actions. Be specific about location, time and purpose. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid broken sentences.

例: Lately I have been walking near my home in the evenings because I’m busy with university. I choose short local routes so I can relax after studying without spending too much time getting home.

× I love working and currently I am aiming for 8000 steps per day.

✓ I love walking and currently I am aiming for 8,000 steps per day.

The verb 'work' is incorrect in this context; the speaker means the activity of walking. Use the gerund 'walking' to name the activity. Also format numbers appropriately. Suggestion: use relevant gerund for activities and standard numeric formatting.

× I usually avoid transportation when I uh traveling to closed area so that I can use the opportunity to walk around so that I can feel the sunlight or at night I usually.

✓ I usually avoid using transportation when I am traveling to closed areas so that I can take the opportunity to walk around and feel the sunlight; at night I usually...

Problems: missing 'using' after 'avoid', incorrect verb form 'traveling' needs auxiliary 'am', 'closed area' should be plural 'closed areas' or 'closed areas', and sentence is run-on. Use 'take the opportunity' and join clauses properly. Also the sentence ended abruptly; ensure completion.

× Walk around with my parents to view the natural environment as well as listening to some postcard.

✓ I walk around with my parents to enjoy the natural environment and listen to some podcasts.

Sentence fragment and word choice errors: 'Walk around' needs subject 'I'. 'View the natural environment' is awkward; use 'enjoy'. 'Listening to some postcard' is incorrect; probably 'podcast'. Ensure subject-verb present tense consistency and correct nouns.

× I didn't go outside much when I was young because I think I used to think that it is a time wasting activity.

✓ I didn't go outside much when I was young because I used to think that it was a time-wasting activity.

Tense inconsistency: main clause is past 'didn't go', so following thoughts should use past forms: 'used to think' is fine but 'it is' should be 'it was'. Hyphenate 'time-wasting'.

× When I was young I loved to play around but I would prefer car trips or something to travel fast rather than spending time walking because I. Pay much attention to health, overall health, and physical activity back then.

✓ When I was young I loved to play, but I preferred car trips to travel faster rather than spending time walking because I didn't pay much attention to my health and physical activity back then.

Problems: tense and modal mismatch—use past 'preferred' and 'didn't pay'. 'Rather than' structure needs parallel forms. 'Pay much attention to health' should be 'didn't pay much attention to my health'. Remove extraneous punctuation and clarify.

× I think that people tend to think that walking help their overall health and improve their physical physic.

✓ I think that people tend to believe that walking helps their overall health and improves their physical fitness.

Word choice and subject-verb agreement: use 'believe' or keep 'think' to avoid repetition. 'Walking help' needs third-person singular 'helps'. 'Physical physic' is incorrect; use 'physical fitness'. Also ensure parallel verbs 'helps and improves'.

× For example, some one of my friends always hanging out at their pods during the sunset and he said that he had experienced significant increase in in sorry, a significant. Can increase in his overall health and his have seen a lot of benefits of his mentally of his mentor as well.

✓ For example, one of my friends always hangs out at the park during sunset, and he said that he experienced a significant increase in his overall health and has seen many mental benefits as well.

Multiple errors: use 'one of my friends' not 'some one of'. 'Hanging out' needs finite verb 'hangs out'. 'Their pods' is wrong—likely 'park' or 'podcasts'; choose 'park'. Remove filler words. Tense: use simple past 'experienced' and present perfect 'has seen' for results. Replace 'a lot of benefits of his mentally of his mentor' with 'many mental benefits'. Fix pronoun agreement and clarity.

× If I had a chance, I would love to spend a long walk with especially with my friend around my city, the Ho Chi Minh City, especially in the center of it which is have a lot of pedestrian such as bullying streets because it is a very lively and good looking view area and I want to explore more of it. With my friends.

✓ If I had the chance, I would love to go for a long walk with my friends around Ho Chi Minh City, especially in the city center where there are many pedestrian streets because it is lively and attractive and I want to explore it more.

Problems: 'have a chance' -> 'had the chance' is fine in conditional but original uses 'If I had a chance' okay; prefer 'the chance'. 'Spend a long walk' is incorrect; use 'go for a long walk'. Remove redundant 'especially with'. 'Which is have' should be 'where there are'. 'Pedestrian such as bullying streets' unclear—use 'pedestrian streets'. Use plural 'friends' to match later. Improve flow.

× This day I don't really work anywhere far from my house because I am focusing on my university and so I have spent my nightly time to walk around somewhere nearby so that I can I won't lose a lot of time going back home after. A long walk.

✓ These days I don't go far from my house because I am focusing on university, so I spend my evenings walking nearby so that I don't lose a lot of time getting home after a long walk.

Use 'these days' for current habitual actions. 'Don't really work anywhere far' is incorrect—use 'don't go far'. 'Nightly time' better as 'evenings'. Tense consistency: use present simple 'spend' for habits. Remove redundant words and fix final sentence fragment into 'after a long walk'.