Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, avoid fillers (uh), use a clear topic sentence, and organize supporting details with linking words. Keep within 3–4 sentences and use varied vocabulary (e.g., commute, walk for about...).

例: Not really. I usually take the bus to school, but I walk about ten minutes to the bus stop and another five minutes from the stop to my destination, so I do get some daily walking during my commute.

提案: Start directly, avoid repetition and tense errors. Use past tense consistently and give a specific example or detail. Use linking words like "often" or "for example" to structure the answer.

例: Yes, I often went for short walks with my mother when I was little. For example, she would take me to the local park where I played with other children or held her hand while we walked around the pond.

提案: Avoid hesitations and correct vocabulary errors ("plants" not "planets"). Provide clearer, specific reasons and link them with connectors like "because" or "for instance."

例: I think people enjoy walking in parks because they can breathe fresh air and relax. For instance, seeing trees and plants reduces eye strain and helps people feel less stressed.

提案: Use conditional correctly and improve grammar ("If I had the chance"; "the scenery is"). Be specific about the place and describe why with concrete details and fewer vague phrases like "good emotions."

例: If I had the chance, I would like to take a long walk in Huangshan because the mountain scenery is stunning and the pine forests and misty peaks create a peaceful atmosphere that helps me relax.

提案: Answer directly in past tense, remove filler words, and clarify unclear phrases ("seaman thing" is confusing). Give a concise description with linking words: when, where, and what you did.

例: Lately I went for a short walk with my mother after we went shopping at a nearby mall. We walked around the shopping area and talked while enjoying a leisurely stroll.

× Uh, actually not really, but uh, every day I go to the current school, I take a bus.

✓ Uh, actually not really, but every day I go to my current school by bus.

'the current school' is awkward; use 'my current school'. Also 'I take a bus' is grammatical but 'go to school by bus' is a natural present tense expression. Simplify wording and maintain present simple for routine actions. Suggestion: Use 'I go to my current school by bus' for clarity and naturalness.

× Before I take the bus, I will walk for about 10 minutes to the bus station and after I arrive at destination, I will walk about 5 minutes.

✓ Before I take the bus, I walk for about 10 minutes to the bus station, and after I arrive at my destination, I walk about 5 minutes.

The sentence describes habitual actions, so use present simple rather than 'will'. Also 'at destination' is missing the possessive determiner; use 'my destination'. Keep tense consistent. Suggestion: Use present simple for routines: 'I walk... and after I arrive at my destination, I walk...'.

× And when I was little, my mother often took me to the park to have a short walk walk.

✓ When I was little, my mother often took me to the park for a short walk.

Remove the duplicated word 'walk'. 'To have a short walk' is less natural than 'for a short walk'. Use past simple 'took' for repeated past actions (correct). Suggestion: Say 'for a short walk' to sound natural.

× And she will let me to play with others or even just hold my head, hold my hands and have a short walk to feel.

✓ And she would let me play with others or sometimes just hold my hand and take a short walk.

The original mixes present/future modals incorrectly for past habitual actions. Use 'would' or 'used to' for habitual past. Also correct 'let me to play' to 'let me play' (no 'to'). 'Hold my head, hold my hands' is awkward; use 'hold my hand'. 'Have a short walk to feel' is ungrammatical; 'take a short walk' is natural. Suggestion: Use 'would let me play' or 'used to let me play' and 'hold my hand'.

× Umm, I think there are some reasons that people like to walk in parks.

✓ Umm, I think there are several reasons why people like to walk in parks.

Use 'several reasons' or 'some reasons why' and 'why' after 'reasons' to link the clause. 'There are some reasons that people like' is acceptable but less natural. Suggestion: Use 'reasons why' for clearer structure.

× For example, they may want to feel the fresh air or they can see some green planet planets that is good for their eyes eyesight.

✓ For example, they may want to enjoy the fresh air or see green plants, which are good for their eyesight.

'Feel the fresh air' is possible but 'enjoy the fresh air' is more natural. 'Green planet planets' is an error; likely intended 'green plants'. 'That is' should agree in number with 'plants' so use 'which are'. 'Eyesight' is one word. Suggestion: Use 'enjoy the fresh air' and 'green plants, which are good for their eyesight'.

× If I would have the chance, I would like to go to Huang to have a long walk because the scenery are very stunning and there are a lot of surroundings that will make me feel comfortable having a good emotions.

✓ If I had the chance, I would like to go to Huang to take a long walk because the scenery is very stunning and there are many surroundings that would make me feel comfortable and happy.

In unreal present conditional, use 'If I had' not 'If I would have'. 'Scenery' is uncountable, so use singular verb 'is'. 'A lot of surroundings' is odd; 'many surroundings' or better 'many pleasant surroundings' works. 'Having a good emotions' is ungrammatical—use 'feel comfortable and happy' or 'have good emotions' is unnatural. Suggestion: Use correct conditional 'If I had the chance' and ensure subject-verb agreement with uncountable nouns.

× Uh, actually lately like that I walked with my mother, uh, which is a seaman thing.

✓ Uh, actually recently I walked with my mother, which was a simple thing.

'Lately' and 'recently' often interchangeable; 'lately like that' is ungrammatical. 'Walked' is past simple—keep 'recently' to match. 'Seaman thing' is incorrect word choice—likely 'simple thing'. Replace with 'which was a simple thing'. Suggestion: Use 'recently' and correct vocabulary 'simple'.

× Uh, we go, we went shopping and having a short walk during that time.

✓ We went shopping and took a short walk during that time.

Mixing present 'we go' and past 'we went' is inconsistent. Use past simple 'we went' and use 'took a short walk' instead of 'having'. Maintain parallel verb forms. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent and use parallel structure: 'We went shopping and took a short walk.'