Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, um), correct tense and grammar, and add one brief supporting detail with a linking word. Keep to no more than 3–4 sentences.

例: No, I don't walk much because I dislike it. However, I enjoy running, and I took part in a race last year, which I found motivating.

提案: Answer directly and correct awkward phrasing: use a clear topic sentence, avoid incorrect connectors ("neither"), remove fillers, and give a brief reason or example using a linking word like "because".

例: No, I rarely walked as a child because I found it boring. However, my mother often made me walk for exercise because she worried about my health.

提案: Use a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (singular/plural, articles), and link ideas logically. Be specific: mention health benefits and environment, and avoid redundant phrases.

例: People like walking in parks because it is good for their health and the environment is pleasant. For example, parks have trees and fresh air, which makes walks more relaxing than walking on busy streets.

提案: Clarify your preference and fix contradictions: start with a clear statement, remove fillers, use correct vocabulary (e.g., "jungle" not "John"), and use conditional tense correctly. Give one specific reason using a linking word like "because".

例: I don't usually enjoy walking in parks, but if I had the chance for a long walk, I would choose a trail in the jungle because the fresh air and peaceful surroundings would be very relaxing.

提案: Provide a concise, well-structured answer: start with a topic sentence stating when and where, then add one or two specific details. Improve grammar (articles, prepositions) and avoid repeating adjectives.

例: Last week I went to the north of Iran on holiday and walked in a nearby jungle. The scenery was beautiful, and I enjoyed walking along peaceful forest paths with my family.

× I really enjoyed running and I, uh, participate in a match last year.

✓ I really enjoyed running and I participated in a match last year.

The verb 'participate' is in present tense while the time expression 'last year' requires past tense. This is a singular-plural type entry but more precisely a past tense error; however, under 'Singular and plural issue' we correct to past form 'participated'. To improve, match verb tense to time markers: use past tense for actions completed in the past (e.g., 'participated').

× I didn't enjoy walking when I was a child. It neither, but my mother, uh, really forced me to walk because, uh, she didn't want me to become obese.

✓ I didn't enjoy walking when I was a child. Neither did I, but my mother really forced me to walk because she didn't want me to become obese.

The phrase 'It neither' is ungrammatical. Correct negative agreement uses 'Neither did I' (inversion after 'neither'). Ensure auxiliary verb 'did' is used for past negative inversion. Also remove extraneous filler words. Practice forming negative agreement: 'Neither did I' or 'I didn't either.'

× And people think that walking is good for their health and almost walking in parks are way better than walking for example around the street, because parks are have more trees and a beautiful scene, so it is better to walk in the parks.

✓ People think that walking is good for their health, and walking in parks is much better than walking, for example, around the street, because parks have more trees and more beautiful scenery, so it is better to walk in parks.

Multiple preposition and agreement issues: 'almost' misused, 'are way better' disagrees with singular gerund 'walking in parks'—use 'is much better'. 'Around the street' should be 'around the street' or better 'around the streets'; here keep 'around the street' rephrased. 'Parks are have' is wrong; remove 'are' and use 'have'. 'a beautiful scene' -> 'beautiful scenery'. Improve by simplifying clauses and using correct verb agreement and prepositions: 'walking in parks is much better than walking around the street.'

× I really don't like walking in parks and I uh, either enjoy walking, but if I uh, had a chance to walk, I wanted to uh, walk in the John in the jungle because I think it has a fresh air and the reason there is more relaxing.

✓ I really don't like walking in parks and I don't really enjoy walking, but if I had a chance to walk, I would like to walk in the jungle because I think the air there is fresh and it is more relaxing.

Pronoun and modality problems: 'I uh, either enjoy walking' is incorrect pronoun/negative structure—use 'I don't really enjoy walking' or 'I either' is wrong. Tense/modal mismatch: 'if I had a chance' (subjunctive) should pair with 'I would like' instead of 'I wanted'. 'the John in the jungle' seems wrong—remove 'John'. 'it has a fresh air' uses 'a' incorrectly with uncountable 'air' and unclear pronoun reference. Use 'the air there is fresh' and 'it is more relaxing.' Improve by aligning conditional structure and using correct pronouns and articles.

× Last week we went to north of Iran for a holiday and we went to a jungle. It was very beautiful and pleasant and we went walking along the beautiful and relaxing paths on the jungle with my family.

✓ Last week we went to the north of Iran for a holiday and we went to a jungle. It was very beautiful and pleasant, and we walked along the beautiful and relaxing paths in the jungle with my family.

Tense and preposition errors: 'went walking' is acceptable colloquially but 'we walked' is more natural and matches past narration. Missing article 'the north of Iran' requires 'the'. Use 'in the jungle' rather than 'on the jungle'. Also streamline repetition of 'went'. To improve, use correct articles for regions and correct prepositions with places (in the jungle).