Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Use correct tense and simpler phrasing (avoid 'personal speaking'). Keep it under 5 sentences and use linking words like 'but' or 'however'.

例: I don't walk a lot. I usually walk short distances with friends after lunch because it helps me relax and feel more energetic. For example, we often stroll for ten minutes around the office park before returning to work.

提案: Use correct past tense and avoid repetitive ideas. Begin with a clear past-time statement, then give a specific memory or detail. Use linking words like 'because' or 'and' to connect ideas and provide one concrete example.

例: Yes, I often went for walks with my parents when I was a child. We usually walked in the garden after dinner because it was peaceful and we could enjoy the flowers. I especially remember watching fireflies near the old oak tree.

提案: Answer the general question with clear reasons and specific examples. Avoid unclear or irrelevant points (like stores unless talking about a specific park). Use linking words (firstly, secondly, furthermore) and correct vocabulary ('friendly' instead of 'warm hearted'). Don't repeat words.

例: People like walking in parks for fresh air and relaxation. Firstly, parks offer green space and quiet paths for exercise. Secondly, they provide social opportunities because many friendly people come to walk or do group activities.

提案: Be specific and correct word choice. State the location clearly, explain why with concrete sensory details (sights, sounds), and correct mistakes ('walk after supper', not 'work'). Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like 'because' or 'and'.

例: I would like to take a long walk along Xiamen Beach. I love walking there at sunset because the sky turns orange and the sea breeze feels very relaxing, which makes the walk memorable.

提案: Give a clear, coherent answer with correct past tense and relevant details. Start with the location and time, then add one or two concise supporting details about who you went with and what you did. Avoid irrelevant or unclear comments (e.g., 'Andrew is so attractive') and ensure vocabulary fits context.

例: I went for a walk in Chelsea Park a couple of weeks ago with my friend Lily. After walking we sat and watched a short outdoor film there, which was a lovely way to spend the evening.

× Personal speaking, I'm not the sort of person who likes to go outside to work a long time, but sometimes I may choose to walk a short distance with my friends, especially when we had our lunch, and I think it's relaxing and made me energetic at the same time.

✓ Personally, I'm not the sort of person who likes to work outside for a long time, but sometimes I choose to walk a short distance with my friends, especially after we have lunch, and I think it's relaxing and makes me feel energetic.

Several sentence structure issues: 'Personal speaking' is incorrect; use 'Personally'. 'go outside to work a long time' is awkward and unclear; use 'work outside for a long time' or simply 'be outside for a long time'. 'may choose' is unnecessary modal—simple present 'choose' fits habit. 'when we had our lunch' mixes past with present habitual context; use 'after we have lunch'. 'made me energetic' mixes past; maintain present: 'makes me feel energetic'. Also add 'feel' after 'energetic' for naturalness.

× Definitely I should go out to have a walk with my parents, especially my mom when we had our dinner.

✓ Definitely I used to go out for a walk with my parents, especially with my mom when we had dinner.

The original mixes modal 'should' with past habitual context. For past habits, use 'used to' or simple past. Also 'have a walk' is acceptable but 'go for a walk' is more natural. 'when we had our dinner' is fine but 'had dinner' is more concise.

× I think it's relaxing and it make me feel energetic at the same time.

✓ I think it's relaxing and it makes me feel energetic at the same time.

Subject-verb agreement in present tense: 'it' requires the verb 'make' to be 'makes'. Keep tense consistent (present).

× I'm crazy about it and apart from that we can enjoy the good view of the garden.

✓ I'm crazy about it, and besides that we can enjoy the nice view of the garden.

'Apart from that' is acceptable but 'besides that' or 'apart from that' should be followed by a clear clause; 'good view' is awkward—use 'nice view' or 'beautiful view'. Add comma for coordination.

× Firstly I think its largest square with so many different stores there, then I can buy anything near and apart from that the people there are warm hearted, they do exercise and other other activities that appeal in me.

✓ Firstly, I think it has a large square with many different shops, so I can buy things nearby; besides, the people there are warm-hearted, and they do exercises and other activities that appeal to me.

'its largest square' incorrectly uses possessive 'its' and 'largest' is likely wrong; use 'it has a large square'. 'stores' in this context is better as 'shops'. 'buy anything near' is ungrammatical—use 'buy things nearby'. 'warm hearted' should be hyphenated 'warm-hearted'. 'do exercise' -> 'do exercises' or 'exercise'. 'other other' is a duplication. 'appeal in me' should be 'appeal to me' (correct preposition).

× Maybe on the beach of Shaman because I think it is wonderful to have a work after supper and you can enjoy.

✓ Maybe on the beach in Xiamen, because I think it is wonderful to take a walk after supper and enjoy the scenery.

'Shaman' likely intended 'Xiamen'—use the place name consistently. 'the beach of' is awkward; use 'the beach in'. 'have a work' is incorrect collocation; intended 'take a walk' or 'go for a walk'. 'you can enjoy' is incomplete—specify what to enjoy, e.g., 'enjoy the scenery' or 'enjoy the sunset'.

× The sunset of Xiamen is so beautiful and it's memorable for me.

✓ The sunset in Xiamen is so beautiful and memorable to me.

Use 'in' rather than 'of' for location with city name: 'sunset in Xiamen'. 'it's memorable for me' is wordy; 'memorable to me' or 'I find it memorable' is more natural. Also remove redundant 'it's' if combining adjectives.

× Chelsea Park. I still remember I went to the Shoe City Park with my best buddy Lily a cover weeks ago.

✓ Chelsea Park. I still remember I went to Shoe City Park with my best buddy Lily a couple of weeks ago.

'a cover weeks ago' seems to be a typo; correct phrase is 'a couple of weeks ago'. Keep past tense 'went' for a completed action.

× Andrew is so attractive. We enjoy the films there.

✓ Andrew is so attractive. We enjoyed the film there.

Tense inconsistency: earlier sentence refers to a past visit ('I went... a couple of weeks ago'), so 'enjoy' should be past 'enjoyed'. Also 'the films there' may refer to a specific film; if plural, use 'We enjoyed the films there' but match context. Choose singular 'film' if one film was watched.