Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details without repetition. Correct small grammar errors (e.g., tense and articles) and avoid filler words. Use linking words like "because" or "so" properly to explain reasons.

例: Yes, I walk quite a lot. I often walk around my neighborhood because I commute by bus and need to walk to and from the bus stop, which gives me daily exercise.

提案: Give a clear past-tense topic sentence and one or two specific details. Use past simple consistently and avoid repetition. Add a linking word to connect reason and description.

例: Yes, I walked a lot as a child. I used to stroll around my neighborhood and the nearby park to enjoy the fresh air and watch people play.

提案: Start with a direct opinion sentence, then give specific reasons with smooth linking phrases. Avoid fillers (um, uh) and vague words like "stuff." Use vocabulary related to sights and atmosphere.

例: I think people walk in parks because they can enjoy pleasant scenery and fresh air. For example, parks often have flowers, trees and lakes, which make walking relaxing and visually interesting.

提案: Provide a clear hypothetical statement and explain why with one or two reasons. Avoid unclear phrases and correct pronunciation or word choice mistakes. Use conditional phrasing: "If I had the chance, I would..."

例: If I had the chance, I would go hiking in the mountains because I enjoy challenging trails and spectacular views that make a long walk rewarding.

提案: Use simple past clearly and give one specific detail about the place and why you liked it. Remove repetition and correct grammar (e.g., "the lake provided me with beautiful scenery").

例: Recently, I walked around a nearby lake. The lake offered beautiful scenery and peaceful paths, so I enjoyed a relaxing stroll while watching the water and birds.

× Yes, I do work a lot, so I like to walk around my house and I used to walk a lot because I need to go to bus stop to work and then after work I need to go from bus stop to my house.

✓ Yes, I work a lot, so I like to walk around my house. I used to walk a lot because I needed to go to the bus stop for work and then after work I needed to walk from the bus stop to my house.

The sentence contains incorrect present tense construction and inconsistent tense usage. 'I do work a lot' is an unnecessary emphatic present; use simple present 'I work a lot.' 'I used to walk a lot because I need' mixes past habitual 'used to' with present 'need'; change 'need' to past 'needed' to match 'used to.' Also add the definite article 'the' before 'bus stop' and use 'walk from the bus stop to my house' for natural word order. Improve by keeping tenses consistent and using articles correctly.

× Yes I I walk a lot when I was when I was child so I walk around my house and park nearby to see around the park and then like enjoying the weather during the day.

✓ Yes, I walked a lot when I was a child, so I walked around my house and the nearby park to look around and enjoy the weather during the day.

The sentence mixes present and past tenses and omits an article. 'I walk a lot when I was...child' incorrectly mixes present 'walk' with past 'was'; use past 'walked' to match 'was.' Add the article 'a' before 'child' and 'the' before 'nearby park.' Use 'to look around and enjoy' rather than 'to see around...enjoying' to maintain parallel verb forms and correct infinitive usage.

× In my opinion, they like to see a lot of things around the park and then like umm, parks have a lot of things to see, like the scenery, like uh, flowers, stuff like that.

✓ In my opinion, people like to see many things in a park; parks have a lot to offer, such as scenery, flowers, and other features.

Use more appropriate vocabulary and articles. 'They' is vague; 'people' is clearer. 'See a lot of things around the park' is wordy; use 'see many things in a park.' 'Stuff like that' is informal—replace with 'other features.' This corrects awkward phrasing and improves noun and article usage.

× I want to go hiking so I really want to like take a chance to walk like I had a long walk when I go die, uh, hiking.

✓ I want to go hiking, so I would really like the chance to take a long walk when I go hiking.

The original mixes tense and contains filler words and an incorrect verb 'die.' Use conditional/modal 'would like' for polite desire and 'the chance to take a long walk' for natural phrasing. 'When I go hiking' is the correct future-reference clause. Remove filler 'like' and erroneous words.

× I go for I've I go walk. I went walk around lake because lake provide me beautiful sceneries and then I can walk around and see around. That's nice.

✓ I went for a walk around the lake recently because the lake provides beautiful scenery, and I could walk around and enjoy the view. It was nice.

Original contains broken tense and word order. Use simple past 'I went for a walk' for a completed action. Add articles 'the' before 'lake' and use singular uncountable 'scenery' instead of 'sceneries.' 'Provide' should be 'provides' to agree with singular subject 'the lake' (present simple to describe a general fact) or keep past 'provided' if referring specifically to that visit; here present 'provides' is acceptable. Replace 'see around' with 'enjoy the view' for natural expression and finish with 'It was nice.'