Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh), correct word choice (stressed out), and give one or two specific details using linking words. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I walk quite often. I usually take a 20-minute walk around my neighborhood to relax and clear my mind, and it helps me feel less stressed after work.

提案: Use correct tense and subject-verb agreement, remove fillers, and be specific about frequency. Begin with a direct answer, then add supporting details with a linking word like 'because' or 'so'.

例: Not really. When I was a child I preferred indoor activities because I liked watching movies, reading books and taking naps, so I rarely went for walks.

提案: Give a clear, general reason first, then add a specific supporting detail. Avoid hesitations and improve sentence structure—use linking words like 'because' and 'for example' to connect ideas.

例: People enjoy walking in parks because it helps them relax and escape from busy city life. For example, parks offer trees and open space that refresh the mind after spending time among concrete buildings.

提案: Be specific and accurate about the place. Avoid confusing or incorrect place names, remove repetitions and fillers, and give one clear reason. Use linking words like 'because' or 'because of' to explain why.

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk along the Han River in Seoul because the riverside parks have wide walking paths, pleasant views and many cafes where I could rest.

提案: Answer directly with correct place names and fewer hesitations. Provide one or two specific details about what you liked using linking words like 'and' or 'because'.

例: Recently I went for a walk at Quan Beach. The beach has beautiful scenery and several good restaurants nearby, so I really enjoyed the walk and the local food.

× Yes, I often work near my house because it is useful for me to, uh, refresh my mind and the stressed, uh, out.

✓ Yes, I often walk near my house because it is useful for me to refresh my mind and relieve stress.

The student used 'work' incorrectly (wrong verb) and 'the stressed out' is ungrammatical. Replace 'work' with 'walk' to match the question. Use the verb phrase 'relieve stress' or 'reduce stress' instead of 'the stressed out'. Also remove filler 'uh' and redundant commas for clarity.

× You live stressed.

✓ You look stressed.

The phrase 'You live stressed' is incorrect; 'live' does not collocate with 'stressed' to describe someone's appearance or state. Use 'look stressed' or 'are stressed' to describe someone's condition. 'Look' is appropriate when commenting on appearance or visible signs.

× So yeah, I usually take a 20 minute walk, uh, around the neighborhood to relax and get some.

✓ So yeah, I usually take a 20-minute walk around the neighborhood to relax and clear my mind.

Add a hyphen for the compound adjective '20-minute'. 'Get some' is vague and unidiomatic; replace with 'clear my mind' which fits the context. Remove filler 'uh' and unnecessary commas.

× When I were, uh, when I was a child, I didn't really spend the time to walk around because I enjoyed indoor activities like watching movies, uh, reading a book or taking naps.

✓ When I was a child, I didn't really spend time walking around because I enjoyed indoor activities like watching movies, reading books, or taking naps.

Use 'was' not 'were' with singular subject 'I'. Use 'spend time' (no 'the') and use the gerund 'walking' after 'spend time'. Make the list plural where appropriate ('reading books') and remove fillers.

× So I spent most time in indoor.

✓ So I spent most of my time indoors.

Use 'most of my time' and the adverb 'indoors' rather than the adjective 'indoor'. The preposition 'in' before 'indoor' is incorrect here.

× Uh, the reason why people like to walk in parks, uh, because, uh, is it is useful for people to relax their stress and refresh their mind in modern society has many concrete buildings, so they need to uh.

✓ The reason people like to walk in parks is that it helps them relax and refresh their minds, especially because modern cities have many concrete buildings.

Sentence had multiple problems: remove fillers and fix structure using 'The reason... is that...' Use 'helps them relax' and 'refresh their minds' (plural). Clarify cause with 'especially because' and correct word order and missing verbs.

× If I had the chance, I would like to take a long walk in Hangang in Seoul because I I want to visit the Hong Kong park.

✓ If I had the chance, I would like to take a long walk along the Han River in Seoul because I want to visit Hangang Park.

Use 'along' for rivers, correct 'Hangang' to 'Han River' or 'Hangang Park' consistently. Remove duplicated 'I' and correct 'Hong Kong park' (different place) to 'Hangang Park' to match Seoul context.

× Uh, it long past penetrate pedestrians. Yeah, it looks like very good.

✓ The park has wide paths for pedestrians. It looks very pleasant.

Original sentences are ungrammatical and unclear. Rephrase to communicate that the park has wide paths (or 'long, paved paths') and that it looks pleasant. Remove filler and fix adjective order: 'looks very pleasant' not 'looks like very good'.

× I went lately, I went to a borrower.

✓ Recently I went to a borough.

'Lately' should be 'recently' in this context. 'Borrower' is incorrect; likely meant 'borough' or specific place name. Combine into one clear sentence and use past tense 'went' once.

× I went for a walk in Quan Beach Beach, uh, it uh, quality has many beautiful sea beach and umm very delicious restaurant.

✓ I went for a walk at Quan Beach; it has many beautiful beaches and very good restaurants.

Remove duplicated 'Beach' and filler 'uh'. Use 'at' or 'to' Quan Beach. 'Quality has' is incorrect—use 'it has'. Use plural 'beaches' if appropriate and 'very good restaurants' is more natural than 'very delicious restaurant'.

× So I enjoyed walking.

✓ So I enjoyed the walk.

'I enjoyed walking' is acceptable, but in this context 'I enjoyed the walk' is more natural as it refers to a specific recent walk. If keeping 'walking', it's fine; choose the clearer option. This correction makes the sentence more specific.