Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence stating how often you walk, then give one or two specific reasons or examples. Avoid hesitation, repetition, and irrelevant details about calling friends. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to connect ideas.

例: I walk a lot nowadays because I don't own a car, so I often walk to the bus stop. For example, I walk 20 minutes each morning to catch the bus to work, which helps me get some exercise and fresh air.

提案: Provide a complete, coherent answer with one clear supporting detail. Avoid repeating 'used to' too often and finish your sentence. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' and give a brief specific memory or activity.

例: Yes, I often walked as a child. For example, I used to go to the park with my father after he finished work because he liked to get fresh air, and we would walk for about half an hour while talking about our day.

提案: Organise ideas clearly and correct vocabulary errors. Start with a general reason, then give one specific example for different age groups. Avoid vague or incomplete sentences and use linking phrases like 'for example' and 'also'.

例: People like walking in parks because it helps them relax and refresh their minds. For example, children play and make friends, adults exercise or de-stress after work, and older people often walk to keep fit and enjoy the peaceful environment.

提案: Be specific and complete. State one clear place and one or two reasons with concrete images. Avoid incomplete endings and unnecessary phrases like 'watch myself very clearly'. Use linking words such as 'because' and 'so'.

例: I would like to take a long walk along a coastal conservation area because the sea air and long trails help me unwind. Walking alone there, I could listen to the waves and birds and think clearly without distractions.

提案: Organise the story chronologically and correct grammar. Begin with a clear topic sentence naming the place and time, then give one or two specific details about the walk. Avoid unclear phrases like 'he had a road' or 'shore out'.

例: Last week, after my graduation, a friend and I drove to a nearby sandy beach for a walk. We walked along the shore, watched seagulls, and took photos to remember the day.

× Yes, I usually walk a lot as I don't have a car right now so I need to board a bus each time.

✓ Yes, I usually walk a lot because I don't have a car right now, so I need to take a bus every time.

Use 'because' instead of 'as' for clear cause in spoken English and 'take a bus' is the correct collocation; 'each time' is better as 'every time'. Maintain present tense consistency. Grammar problem type ID:6

× When I used to go to work, uh, sometimes I call my friends but as my friend's house is far far away probably so I used to go to him and then I ask him to give me a ride to go to work.

✓ When I used to go to work, sometimes I called my friends, but as my friend's house was probably very far away, I used to go to his house and then I asked him to give me a ride to work.

Mixing past habitual 'used to' with present simple 'call' and 'ask' is incorrect. Change 'call' and 'ask' to past 'called' and 'asked'. Use 'go to his house' rather than 'go to him'. Maintain past tense throughout. Grammar problem type ID:5

× Obviously, yes, I used to walk a lot when I was a child.

✓ Obviously, yes, I used to walk a lot when I was a child.

Sentence is correct; 'used to' properly indicates past habitual action. No change needed. Grammar problem type ID:5

× I used to go out with my dad when he used to come from work.

✓ I used to go out with my dad when he came home from work.

After 'when' we usually use simple past 'came' rather than 'used to come'. 'Come home' is a natural collocation for returning from work. Grammar problem type ID:5

× We used to go to the park as he was very tired so he needed some fresh air to restrain himself from the daily work schedule.

✓ We used to go to the park because he was very tired and needed some fresh air to relieve himself from the daily work schedule.

Use 'because' for cause; 'restrain himself' is incorrect here — use 'relieve himself' or 'take a break from'. 'From' with 'relieve' is acceptable; keep past tense. Grammar problem type ID:11

× Not only it was amazing for me and him, but it was very pleasurable as we.

✓ Not only was it amazing for him and me, but it was also very pleasurable for us.

In 'not only' inversions, verb comes before subject: 'Not only was it'. Use correct object order 'him and me' and complete the clause 'for us'. Include 'also' for parallelism. Grammar problem type ID:26

× People often go to walks to have a refreshing mind to relieve themselves from the daily stress.

✓ People often go for walks to refresh their minds and relieve themselves of daily stress.

'Go for walks' is the correct phrase; 'refresh their minds' is clearer than 'have a refreshing mind'; 'relieve of' or 'relieve from' — 'relieve of' is natural here. Use plural agreement. Grammar problem type ID:11

× Kids go to work to play with other children so that they can make friends and learn new activities, while the youngsters go in the park to leave themselves from the daily work stress.

✓ Children go to the park to play with other children so they can make friends and learn new activities, while young people go to the park to escape daily work stress.

'Kids go to work' is wrong — should be 'go to the park'. Use 'escape' instead of 'leave themselves from'. 'Youngsters' is informal; 'young people' is more natural. Maintain parallel structure. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Old people usually prefer parks to calm down and for their own body maintenance so that they can get.

✓ Older people usually prefer parks to calm down and take care of their health.

Use 'older people' rather than 'old people'. 'Body maintenance' is unnatural — 'take care of their health' is clearer. The clause 'so that they can get' is incomplete and removed. Grammar problem type ID:11

× If I had a chance to go somewhere, I would like to go to the some conservation area or a beach which has a long walking trail, because right now I'm very stressed in my life and I would like to walk alone, absorb the weather, the birds in the sky and watch myself very clearly in.

✓ If I had the chance to go somewhere, I would like to go to a conservation area or a beach that has a long walking trail, because I'm very stressed right now and would like to walk alone, enjoy the weather and the birds in the sky, and think clearly.

Use 'the chance' not 'a chance' after 'If I had the chance' fits natural phrasing; remove extra 'the' before 'some'. Use 'a conservation area' and 'that' instead of 'which' in spoken clauses. Replace 'absorb the weather' with 'enjoy the weather' and 'watch myself very clearly' with 'think clearly' — complete the idea and maintain conditional tense consistency. Grammar problem type ID:7

× So I remember last week I had graduation so me and my friend together, we borrowed his car and then we went to sandy beach.

✓ I remember last week I had my graduation, so my friend and I borrowed his car and went to the sandy beach.

Use 'my graduation' with possessive; 'my friend and I' is the correct subject order and pronoun form, not 'me and my friend'. Omit unnecessary 'together' and extra commas. Include the article 'the' before 'sandy beach'. Grammar problem type ID:5

× The beach had a lot of fishes and there were also many seagulls in above the sky.

✓ The beach had a lot of fish, and there were many seagulls in the sky above.

'Fish' as a plural is usually 'fish' not 'fishes' in this context. 'In above the sky' is incorrect word order — 'in the sky above' or 'in the sky' is natural. Maintain past tense. Grammar problem type ID:1

× So he had a road.

✓ So we took a drive in his car.

Original sentence 'So he had a road' is ungrammatical and unclear. Likely intended meaning is 'we drove' or 'we took a drive'. Use clear past tense phrasing. Grammar problem type ID:26

× We shore out and we captured the moments and I had my whole moment of walking.

✓ We got out and took pictures to capture the moments, and I enjoyed my whole walk.

'Shore out' is incorrect; use 'got out' or 'got out of the car'. 'Captured the moments' is better as 'took pictures to capture the moments'. 'I had my whole moment of walking' is awkward — 'I enjoyed my whole walk' is natural. Grammar problem type ID:9