Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (use present simple for habits), avoid repetition, and give one or two specific details using linking words. Limit to 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I walk regularly. On weekends I enjoy a slow morning walk with my girlfriend and our pets to relax and start the day peacefully. Because the route passes a quiet park, it helps me clear my mind and get some light exercise.

提案: Organize into a clear past-tense topic sentence and specific supporting details. Remove fillers and hesitations, use linking words (for example, and, because), and correct small grammar mistakes. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I often went for walks with my parents when I was a child. We would visit the park and sometimes walk into the nearby woods to enjoy the scenery and breathe fresh air. I also remember seeing small animals, and although we were warned about monkeys in the forest, I never actually saw one.

提案: Answer directly and confidently; avoid saying you don’t know. Start with a general reason why people walk in parks, then add a personal reason with specific detail and a linking phrase. Use natural phrasing and correct collocations (e.g., 'escape from everyday life', 'breathe fresh air').

例: Many people walk in parks to relax and get away from busy city life. Personally, I walk there to escape everyday stress and breathe fresh air while being surrounded by trees and birds, which helps me feel calmer.

提案: Be concise and avoid repetition and hesitations. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., 'along the shoreline' or 'by the harbour at night') and explain why you chose that place with one supporting detail. Keep to 2–3 sentences maximum.

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk along Hong Kong’s shoreline at night. The sea breeze and city lights would be very relaxing, and I could enjoy the peaceful atmosphere by the harbour.

提案: Provide a clear past-tense statement and one or two specific reasons or details. Avoid trailing off at the end; finish the sentence. Use natural phrases like 'unwind after work' and explain the smartphone detail succinctly.

例: Recently I walked in a local park to unwind after work and clear my head. I left my smartphone at home because I didn’t want to be distracted by notifications from my boss.

× Yes I do, I will enjoy my morning walk on every weekend to relax myself and it's it's actually my morning routine to do a slow walk with my girlfriend and my pets to enjoy the morning.

✓ Yes, I do. I enjoy my morning walk every weekend to relax, and it's actually my routine to take a slow walk with my girlfriend and my pets to enjoy the morning.

The student mixed present simple and future ('I will enjoy') where present simple is appropriate for habitual actions. Use 'I enjoy' for routines. 'On every weekend' is incorrect preposition; use 'every weekend'. 'To do a slow walk' is unnatural; use 'to take a slow walk'. Also add commas and fix repeated 'it's it's'. Suggestion: Use present simple for habits (I enjoy, I walk), use 'every weekend', and prefer 'take a walk' rather than 'do a walk'.

× Yes I did. I usually walk with my parents in the park and to enjoy the scenery and and walking into the woods and breathe some fresh air and see the cute animals.

✓ Yes, I did. I usually walked with my parents in the park to enjoy the scenery, walk into the woods, breathe the fresh air, and see the cute animals.

The question asked about past behaviour, so verbs should be in past tense: 'usually walked' rather than present 'usually walk'. Parallel structure requires consistent verb forms: 'walked', 'walked into', 'breathed', 'saw' or maintain base verbs after 'to' as infinitives. Here using past tense simple for each action is appropriate. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent in past-narration and maintain parallel verb structure.

× Uh, we were warned that there could be monkey in the forest, uh, however I haven't.

✓ We were warned that there could be monkeys in the forest; however, I haven't seen any.

Countable noun 'monkey' requires plural 'monkeys' after 'could be' when referring generally. The clause 'I haven't' is incomplete; it needs a past participle 'seen' to complete the meaning. Also punctuation: use a semicolon or period before 'however'. Suggestion: Use plural for general presence and complete the clause with the appropriate verb ('seen').

× I'm not sure why other people would walk in the park, but if I want to walk in the park, I want to escape from the reality, from all the stress, pressure and the burdens, and I just want to breathe some fresh air in the wildlife.

✓ I'm not sure why other people walk in the park, but if I want to walk there, I want to escape reality and all the stress, pressure, and burdens, and I just want to breathe fresh air in the countryside.

'Escape from the reality' is incorrect; use 'escape reality' (no 'the'). 'Walk in the park' repeated is awkward; 'walk there' is smoother. 'Breathe some fresh air in the wildlife' is incorrect collocation: 'wildlife' refers to animals, not places; use 'countryside' or 'wildlife areas' or simply 'outside'. Also article use: 'the burdens' -> 'burdens' without 'the'. Suggestion: Use correct prepositions and collocations: 'escape reality', 'breathe fresh air in the countryside' or 'out in nature'.

× If I could choose, I would probably have a long walk alongside of the shoreline of Hong Kong at night time.

✓ If I could choose, I would probably take a long walk along the shoreline of Hong Kong at night.

'Have a long walk' is less natural than 'take a long walk'. 'Alongside of' is incorrect in this context; use 'along' or 'alongside' (without 'of'). 'Shoreline' already implies location so 'the shoreline of Hong Kong' is correct; 'night time' -> 'at night' is idiomatic. Suggestion: Use natural verbs ('take a walk') and correct prepositional phrases ('along the shoreline', 'at night').

× So I wish to have a long walk, uh, long relaxing walk, uh, along the uh, ocean of Hong Kong and I could enjoy the.

✓ So I would like to take a long, relaxing walk along Hong Kong's coast where I could relax and enjoy the view.

The original sentence is incomplete ('I could enjoy the.'). 'Wish to have a long walk' is awkward; 'would like to take a long, relaxing walk' is more natural. 'Along the ocean of Hong Kong' is awkward; use 'along Hong Kong's coast' or 'along the coast of Hong Kong'. Complete the thought by specifying what to enjoy ('the view', 'the scenery'). Suggestion: Complete sentences and use natural phrasing for preferences ('would like to take a long, relaxing walk').

× I recently went to walk in a local park to just to unwind myself from all the pressure from work and to escape from reality and I didn't bring my smartphone because I don't want to get notified by my boss that I have to.

✓ I recently went for a walk in a local park just to unwind from the pressure of work and escape reality, and I didn't bring my smartphone because I didn't want to be notified by my boss.

Mixing past and present: after 'I recently went' (past), reasons and actions should also be in past: 'didn't want' not 'don't want'. 'Went to walk' is unnatural; use 'went for a walk'. 'Unwind myself' -> 'unwind' (no reflexive needed). 'The pressure from work' -> 'the pressure of work'. 'To be notified by my boss' is the correct passive infinitive; 'that I have to' is incomplete. Suggestion: Keep past tense consistent when describing past events, use natural collocations ('went for a walk', 'unwind', 'didn't want to be notified').