Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific details. Avoid filler words and contractions like 'gonna' in formal speech. Use a linking word to show change (e.g., 'however' or 'recently').

例: Not really. I don't walk much at the moment; however, I recently started eating healthier and motivating myself to walk more, so I plan to walk three times a week.

提案: Open with a direct topic sentence, then give two specific supporting details and one brief comparison with now. Avoid vague phrases like 'I don't know what happened'. Use linking words like 'for example' and 'however'.

例: Yes, I was very active as a child. For example, I often played outside for hours and went for evening walks with my parents. However, I'm less active now and I try to compensate by walking three times a day.

提案: Start with a clear main idea, then use specific sensory details and a linking word for reason. Remove fillers ('uh', 'sort of') and use precise vocabulary ('refreshing', 'beneficial').

例: People like walking in parks mainly because of the pleasant environment. For example, the fresh morning air and birdsong make the experience refreshing, and walking with others helps reduce stress and improve mood for the rest of the day.

提案: Begin with a direct statement of the preferred location, then give vivid, specific activities and one reason. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and vary vocabulary slightly to avoid repetition ('personal space'/'alone time').

例: I'd like to take a long walk through a quiet park. I would sit on a swing with my journal, listen to music, and write down my thoughts, which gives me peaceful alone time to reflect.

提案: Use a clear topic sentence with correct grammar and concise details: say where, when, and how it felt. Avoid awkward phrasing and redundancy. Use linking words like 'because' or 'since' correctly and choose precise adjectives ('pleasant' instead of 'kind of light').

例: Recently I walked to the plaza near my house at night. Although most shops were closed, it was peaceful and, since I walked after dinner, I felt refreshed when I returned.

× No, I do not walk a lot, but I try to get myself up because I'm a lazy person so it just takes time.

✓ No, I do not walk a lot, but I try to get myself up because I'm a lazy person, so it just takes time.

Minor punctuation needed: a comma before 'so' when joining two independent clauses improves sentence clarity. This is primarily sentence structure and punctuation rather than verb tense; the present tense usage is acceptable. Suggestion: add a comma before coordinating conjunctions that connect two independent clauses.

× But now I started motivating myself and I started eating healthy food, so I'm gonna try to walk more often now.

✓ But now I have started motivating myself and I have started eating healthy food, so I'm going to try to walk more often.

The context 'now' requires present perfect (have started) to connect past actions with the present. Also avoid colloquial 'gonna' in formal speech; use 'going to.' Suggestion: use present perfect for recent actions that affect the present and use standard 'going to' for future intention.

× I would play outside for so long.

✓ I used to play outside for a long time.

Using 'would' to describe habitual past actions is possible but often requires context; 'used to' is clearer for past habitual actions. Also 'for so long' is informal; 'for a long time' is more natural. Suggestion: use 'used to' + base verb for repeated past habits.

× I don't know what happened now, I think I'm a bit more lazy, but yeah, I'm trying to get up and go for a walk three times a day.

✓ I don't know what happened; I think I'm a bit lazier now, but I'm trying to get up and go for a walk three times a day.

Comparative adjective 'lazier' is required when comparing present state to past. Also punctuation: replace comma with semicolon or period between independent clauses. Move 'now' to natural position. Suggestion: use comparative forms for comparisons and correct punctuation between independent clauses.

× It's sort of freshing, uh, especially when your day has just begun, So it helps keep the mind relaxed and calm for the rest of the day to go well.

✓ It's sort of refreshing, especially when your day has just begun, so it helps keep the mind relaxed and calm for the rest of the day.

'Freshing' is not correct; the adjective/participle 'refreshing' describes the effect. Capitalization: 'So' mid-sentence should be lowercase. Also 'for the rest of the day to go well' is awkward; better to say 'for the rest of the day.' Suggestion: use correct participle 'refreshing' and simplify the final clause.

× I always enjoy going into the parks with my little journal in my hand.

✓ I always enjoy going to the park with my little journal in my hand.

Plural 'parks' suggests multiple parks but context implies a general preference for 'the park' or 'parks' without 'into.' 'Go to the park' is the natural collocation. Also 'in my hand' is fine. Suggestion: use 'go to the park' or 'go to parks' depending on meaning; here singular 'the park' fits better.

× I sit on the swings, listen to music, enjoy the fresh breeze on my face and I write what I feel, which gives me a sense of personal space and the personal time that I need.

✓ I sit on the swing, listen to music, enjoy the fresh breeze on my face, and write what I feel, which gives me a sense of personal space and the personal time I need.

'Swings' vs 'swing': if referring to one swing, use singular; both are possible—choose singular for consistency. Added comma before 'and' for clarity. Removed unnecessary 'that' for conciseness. Suggestion: keep parallel structure and concise phrasing.

× Last I went to the walk was near at the nearest Plaza to my house and there were a lot of shops but they were closed as I went on the night time.

✓ The last time I went for a walk was at the nearest plaza to my house; there were a lot of shops, but they were closed because I went at night.

Original sentence has incorrect word order and prepositions: 'Last I went to the walk' is ungrammatical. Use 'The last time I went for a walk' and correct preposition 'at the nearest plaza' and 'went at night.' Also 'because' explains reason. Suggestion: use 'the last time' + past simple for a specific past event and correct prepositions and conjunctions.

× But it was peaceful and I since I went after my dinner it felt kind of light when I came back and fresh.

✓ But it was peaceful, and since I went after my dinner, it felt kind of light and fresh when I came back.

The original misplaced 'and' and 'since' disrupt clause order. Place 'since' to introduce reason and add commas to separate clauses. Combine 'light and fresh' for natural description. Suggestion: reorder clauses for clarity: 'since I went after my dinner, it felt...'