Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, use linking words and give one specific detail (e.g., how often you play or a recent project). Correct singular/plural and verb forms.

例: Yes. I enjoy playing the guitar and composing melodies. I have loved music since childhood, and I now practice the guitar for about an hour every day to improve my songwriting.

提案: Answer directly and use past tense for childhood. Remove fillers (uh, to be honest) and give a specific example of a childhood activity. Use linking words to connect ideas and explain why it was important.

例: Yes, I had several hobbies as a child, but music was the most important to me. I learned basic guitar chords at age ten and enjoyed writing simple songs, which inspired me to pursue music further.

提案: Use a clear topic sentence and correct tense. Avoid repetition and awkward phrases. Explain continuity with a specific detail (how it developed) and use linking words like 'since' or 'because'.

例: Yes, I have enjoyed music since childhood. I started playing guitar at age nine and have gradually learned more techniques and written several songs, so I hope to become a better musician in the future.

提案: Give a direct answer (yes/no) and then explain briefly with a clear comparison. Avoid unclear phrases like 'music failed' and reduce repetition. Provide a specific example of a family member's interest and how it differs from yours.

例: Yes, some of my family members enjoy music, but their involvement is different from mine. For example, my sister likes singing casually, while I focus on composing and playing guitar, so I practice and write melodies more seriously.

× To be honest, I have a hobbies like playing guitars and creating music melody.

✓ To be honest, I have a hobby like playing the guitar and creating melodies.

The noun 'hobbies' should be singular 'a hobby' because of the article 'a' (Article errors, ID 22). 'Guitars' should be singular 'the guitar' when referring to the instrument in general. 'Music melody' is unnatural; use the plural 'melodies' or 'a melody'. Suggestion: remove conflicting article and plural forms and use 'the' for instruments and plural or singular consistently.

× It's my childhood hobby and to be honest, it's my present hobby too.

✓ It was my childhood hobby, and to be honest, it is my hobby now.

Tense consistency: referring to childhood uses past tense 'was' while present hobby uses present 'is' (Present participle/tense issue, ID 10/6). Use 'now' instead of 'present' for natural speech. Suggestion: match tenses to time references.

× And I'm gonna do better on the future.

✓ And I'm going to do better in the future.

Informal 'gonna' should be 'going to' in formal writing; preposition should be 'in the future' not 'on the future' (Future tense and preposition error, IDs 7 and 11). Suggestion: use 'going to' and correct preposition 'in'.

× Yeah, to be honest, I have various hobbies when I was a child.

✓ Yeah, to be honest, I had various hobbies when I was a child.

Time mismatch: 'have' is present tense but reference is past 'when I was a child' so use past tense 'had' (Present tense issue, ID 6; Past tense issue, ID 5). Suggestion: use past tense for past time references.

× But to be honest, uh, I have one of the greatest hobby.

✓ But to be honest, I have one of the greatest hobbies.

The phrase 'one of the' requires a plural noun after it ('hobbies') (Article/errors with count nouns, ID 22). Suggestion: use 'one of the greatest hobbies' or 'one great hobby'.

× Like uh, I just wanna do good and better in our music sector and music is my hobby.

✓ I just want to do well and improve in the music field, and music is my hobby.

'Do good' should be 'do well' because 'well' is an adverb modifying 'do'; 'better' needs an object or 'improve' is clearer. 'Our music sector' is awkward; 'the music field' or 'music industry' is better (Pronoun/word choice and adjective/adverb errors, IDs 12 and 13). Suggestion: use adverb 'well', verb 'improve', and clearer noun phrase.

× Yeah, to be honest, I have a hobby when I was a child and I have a music hobby.

✓ Yes, to be honest, I had a hobby when I was a child, and I have a hobby in music now.

Mixing past and present tenses: 'have a hobby when I was a child' should use past 'had'; clarify current hobby with present tense (Present/past tense issues, IDs 6 and 5). Suggestion: separate past and present with appropriate tenses.

× I just wanna play the guitar and create some music melody among the people and and do some better than today.

✓ I just want to play the guitar and create melodies for people and do better than I do today.

'Wanna' informal -> 'want to'; 'music melody' is redundant -> 'melodies'; 'among the people' awkward -> 'for people'; 'do some better' ungrammatical -> 'do better than I do today' (Verb forms and phrasing errors, IDs 8 and 26). Suggestion: use 'want to', plural 'melodies', and clear comparative phrasing.

× That's what my hobby is always be gonna our musician.

✓ That's what my hobby has always been: to become a musician.

Unclear and incorrect structure: 'is always be gonna our musician' mixes tenses and slang. Use present perfect 'has always been' for continuing state and 'to become a musician' for intention (Sentence structure and future tense issues, IDs 26 and 7). Suggestion: use 'has always been' and 'to become a musician.'

× Yeah, yeah, to be honest, I have and family members like like who are always relatable to music or who are interested or music failed, but they don't know how to do that type of melody or how to create a melody to do something better on future.

✓ Yes, I do. I have family members who are into music or interested in it, but they don't know how to create melodies or how to improve in the future.

Pronoun and relative clause errors: 'I have and family members like like who are always relatable to music' is ungrammatical. Use 'family members who are into music' and 'interested in it'. 'Music failed' is incorrect and unclear. 'Do something better on future' should be 'improve in the future' (Pronoun, relative clause and preposition errors, IDs 12, 26, and 11). Suggestion: simplify to 'family members who are into music... they don't know how to create melodies or improve in the future.'