Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar mistakes. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two brief supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and pronoun errors ("you he"). Use specific examples of games or book genres to add depth.

例: I have several hobbies, but the two I do most are playing video games and reading. For example, I play cooperative online shooters with friends every evening, which helps me relax and stay connected. I also enjoy fantasy novels like The Hobbit because they stimulate my imagination and improve my vocabulary.

提案: Correct tenses and sentence structure, and be more precise in vocabulary. Start with a topic sentence about childhood hobbies, then give a specific example with chronological or descriptive linking words. Reduce filler words and fix unclear phrases like "building dents" and "staff sleepovers."

例: Yes, I had several hobbies as a child, especially building tents in the garden. For instance, during sleepovers my friends and I would drape bed sheets over sticks to make a small fort where we played games and told stories late into the night.

提案: Avoid repetition and pronoun mistakes; use varied vocabulary and concise structure. Give one clear reason why reading continued to interest you and provide a brief specific example (genre or a book). Replace unclear phrases like "He allows me" and "my only old world."

例: Yes — reading has been a lifelong hobby for me. I loved picture books as a child, and now I read mainly historical fiction because it lets me escape daily stress and learn about different eras, such as when I recently finished Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall and enjoyed the vivid historical detail.

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy and cohesion; use linking words to compare and contrast clearly. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two concise contrasting details with examples. Avoid repeated fillers and incorrect word order.

例: No, my hobbies are different from my family's. For example, my father enjoys cooking and often experiments with new recipes, while I dislike cooking and prefer reading; as a result, our leisure interests rarely overlap.

× You he allows me to be very imaginative and creative in my thought.

✓ It allows me to be very imaginative and creative in my thoughts.

The original sentence uses incorrect pronouns and word order ('You he') which is confusing. Replace with the impersonal pronoun 'it' referring to reading and correct 'thought' to plural 'thoughts'. Also ensure subject and verb agree: 'It allows'.

× When I was a child I have love hobbies.

✓ When I was a child I loved hobbies.

The sentence mixes past time reference 'When I was a child' with present perfect 'have'. Use simple past 'loved' to match the past time frame.

× One hobbies that I can remember from top of my head is building dents in the garden.

✓ One hobby that I can remember off the top of my head is building tents in the garden.

'Hobbies' should be singular 'hobby' after 'One'. Also phrase correction: 'off the top of my head' and 'tents' (not 'dents').

× Me and my friends when we staff sleepovers we'd be doing getting bed sheets from our house and we'd be finding sticks and things like that and building a little tent for us to just play in or have gossip sessions in.

✓ My friends and I, when we had sleepovers, would get bed sheets from our houses and find sticks and things to build a little tent to play in or have gossip sessions.

Use subject pronoun order 'My friends and I'. 'Staff' is wrong; use 'had sleepovers' (past tense). Simplify progressive phrases to 'would get' and 'find' for habitual past. Use 'houses' plural or 'home' depending on context. Remove redundant preposition at end.

× I I like to do that nowadays too, reading a book.

✓ I like to do that nowadays too: read a book.

Double 'I' is an error. Use simple present 'like' for current habit and use base verb 'read' after 'like to'.

× He allows me to be free, allows me to disassociate from everything and just being my only old world and get dissolved in the book.

✓ It allows me to be free, to disassociate from everything and to lose myself in the book.

'He' wrongly refers to reading; use 'It'. Maintain parallel verb forms using infinitives 'to disassociate', 'to lose myself'. Phrase 'my only old world and get dissolved' is ungrammatical; replace with idiomatic 'lose myself in the book'.

× No, I don't really have same hobbies as my family members.

✓ No, I don't really have the same hobbies as my family members.

The definite article 'the' is required before 'same hobbies' to specify comparing with family members.

× For example my dad, he loves to cook whereas me I'm I'm a really bad cook, I don't really know how to cook anything.

✓ For example, my dad loves to cook, whereas I'm a really bad cook; I don't know how to cook anything.

Remove redundant subject pronoun 'he' after 'my dad'. Use 'whereas' to contrast and correct pronoun 'I'm' instead of 'me I'm'. Simplify repetition and keep clause punctuation clear.

× Vice versa he doesn't like reading.

✓ Conversely, he doesn't like reading.

'Vice versa' is not the best connector here; use 'Conversely' to show contrast. Also include a comma after introductory adverb.

× Therefore our hobbies they clash quite a lot.

✓ Therefore, our hobbies clash quite a lot.

Remove redundant pronoun 'they' after subject 'our hobbies'. Add comma after 'Therefore'.

× Even my other family members, they have complete opposite hobbies in comparison to me.

✓ Even my other family members have completely opposite hobbies compared to mine.

Remove redundant pronoun 'they'. Use adverb 'completely' to modify 'opposite' and change comparison to 'compared to mine' or 'compared to me' with correct possessive form 'mine'.