Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organize your answer: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., 'journal' and 'journaling' used close together) and long phrases like 'memory footprint'. Use natural vocabulary and keep to 3–4 sentences.

例: I have several hobbies, but my favourite is journaling. I also collect stamps, which I paste into my journal to create a visually pleasing record. Because of this, I can look back and enjoy nostalgic memories.

提案: Begin with a direct topic sentence and simplify phrasing. Use one linking word to connect your idea and include a specific example or brief reason. Avoid awkward expressions like 'I was really habitual of painting.'

例: Yes. As a child I enjoyed painting and crafts because I loved experimenting with bright colours. For example, I often painted abstract pictures using acrylics and mixed media.

提案: Give a direct answer first, then briefly explain change and current situation with clear linking words. Avoid unclear phrases like 'healthy routine and steady pressure'. Be specific about when you paint now (e.g., 'on weekends' or 'once a month').

例: Yes, I have kept painting since childhood. Although my work and busy routine reduced the time I could spend on it, I still paint on weekends and plan to take a monthly art class to improve.

提案: Answer directly and clarify relationships and comparisons with concise sentences and linking words. Correct unclear or contradictory phrases (e.g., 'match exactly as my father saw me' and 'who was once not fascinated by painting' are confusing). Be specific about similarities and differences.

例: Yes and no. I share painting as a hobby with my father, who is also an accomplished artist. In contrast, my mother prefers cooking, which I do not enjoy as much.

× I love to collect stamps and journal to make it look more aesthetic and leave a memory footprint that I can cherish and look into afterwards and have that nostalgic feeling.

✓ I love collecting stamps and keeping a journal to make them look more aesthetic and leave a memory footprint that I can cherish and look back on afterwards and feel nostalgic.

Use gerund form after 'love' for habitual activities (love collecting). 'Journal' as a verb is less natural here; use 'keeping a journal'. Pronoun agreement: 'stamps and journal' are plural conceptually, so 'them' rather than 'it'. Use 'look back on' rather than 'look into' for memories; 'have that nostalgic feeling' -> 'feel nostalgic' is more natural.

× I still remember back in my childhood I had a hobby of painting.

✓ I still remember that when I was a child I had a hobby of painting.

Use past tense structure 'when I was a child' rather than 'back in my childhood'. Adding 'that' improves clarity. Maintain past tense 'had' is correct but ordering improves naturalness.

× I used to be someone who was very fascinated by crafts and paintings and how the vibrant colors can bring beautiful abstract art.

✓ I used to be very fascinated by crafts and paintings and by how vibrant colors can create beautiful abstract art.

Avoid 'someone who was' which is wordy; use 'I used to be very fascinated'. Use 'by how vibrant colors can create' for correct prepositional phrase and verb choice. 'Create' is more appropriate than 'bring' for art.

× So I was really habitual of painting.

✓ So I had a strong habit of painting.

'Habitual of' is incorrect; use 'had a habit of' or 'was in the habit of'. 'Really habitual' is unnatural; 'strong habit' or 'in the habit of' is clearer.

× A hobby that I have from my childhood days is painting again.

✓ A hobby I have had since childhood is painting.

Use present perfect 'have had since childhood' to indicate a hobby continuing from past to present. 'Painting again' is misplaced; 'again' belongs later if saying recommence.

× I used to love painting, but as I grew up, I did not have enough time due to my healthy routine and steady pressure and workload.

✓ I used to love painting, but as I grew up I did not have enough time because of my busy routine and constant pressure and workload.

'Healthy routine' is likely incorrect in context; 'busy routine' fits time constraints. 'Steady pressure' -> 'constant pressure' is more natural. 'Because of' is better than 'due to' in this clause.

× However, I am looking forward to start painting again and still do on weekends.

✓ However, I am looking forward to starting to paint again, and I still paint on weekends.

After 'looking forward to' use gerund ('starting to paint' or 'starting painting'). 'Still do on weekends' is vague; specify 'I still paint on weekends' for clarity.

× Well definitely yes I do.

✓ Well, yes, I do.

Remove unnecessary words; punctuation helps clarity. 'Definitely' can be kept but position matters: 'Well, yes, I certainly do.' Avoid run-on fragments.

× My hobbies match exactly as my father saw me, who was once not fascinated by painting and was a very skillful artist.

✓ My hobbies are similar to my father's; he used to be very skilled at painting and was once very fascinated by it.

Original sentence has unclear structure and incorrect relative clause 'who was once not fascinated by painting' contradicts 'skillful artist'. Clarify meaning: likely father was skilled and loved painting. Use 'used to be' for past states and correct possessive 'my father's'.

× However, if I talk about my mother, her hobbies are way different.

✓ However, my mother's hobbies are very different.

'If I talk about' is unnecessary; simplify. 'Way different' is informal; use 'very different'.

× She is more fascinated by cooking, which I am not.

✓ She is more interested in cooking, which I am not.

Use 'interested in' rather than 'fascinated by' for a natural contrast. 'Which I am not' is acceptable but 'which I am not interested in' is clearer; shortened form is acceptable in speech but provide full form for clarity.