Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and repetitions, give a clear topic sentence, then briefly add one or two specific details. Keep answers concise (max 5 sentences). Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, “and” or “also”).

例: Yes. I have several hobbies, but my main ones are drawing and swimming. I started drawing as a child because my father is an artist and I wanted to be like him, so I often sketched nature scenes. I also enjoy swimming because I find it relaxing and good exercise.

提案: Start with a clear direct response, avoid filler words, and provide specific examples of what you drew. Use one linking phrase to add detail (e.g., “for example” or “such as”).

例: Yes, my favourite hobby as a child was drawing. For example, I often drew birds, rivers and trees because I loved nature and looked up to my father, who was an artist.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence that answers the question directly, then explain the change with coherent linking words (e.g., “however” or “now”). Correct tense and avoid repetition. Give a concise reason or specific detail about the current hobby.

例: I used to draw as a child, but now my main hobby is swimming. However, I still enjoy drawing sometimes. I like swimming because I enjoy being in the water and I trained regularly with a coach three times a week.

提案: Answer directly and clearly, avoid repeated words and filler sounds. Use one or two precise supporting details and a linking word such as “because” or “so” to explain the connection with family hobbies.

例: Yes. My father and I share a hobby: drawing. Because my father is an artist, I started drawing nature scenes like birds and rivers, and as I grew older I began practising portrait drawing as well.

× I remember I used to draw a lot because I always looked up to my dad and uh, him as an artist.

✓ I remember I used to draw a lot because I always looked up to my dad as an artist.

The pronoun 'him' is redundant after mentioning 'my dad'; using both causes an incorrect pronoun use and awkwardness. Remove 'him' to make the sentence clear and grammatically correct. Suggestion: avoid repeating a noun and its pronoun back-to-back unless needed for emphasis.

× And my uh, main hobby was drawing and also swimming.

✓ My main hobbies were drawing and swimming.

The speaker refers to past habitual hobbies, so plural 'hobbies' matches the two activities and past tense 'were' is appropriate. The original mixes singular 'hobby' with two items; correct agreement fixes the tense and number.

× when my dad was an artist, I always looked up to him and I always drew because I also want to be an artist.

✓ When my dad was an artist, I always looked up to him and I always drew because I also wanted to be an artist.

The clause 'I also want' is present tense while the surrounding context is past habitual; use past tense 'wanted' to maintain consistent tense. Keep verbs in the same time frame for clarity.

× I, uh, used to draw nature.

✓ I used to draw nature.

The filler 'uh' can be omitted in writing; no pronoun error here but spacing and fillers removed. Sentence is fine otherwise; present as 'I used to draw nature' to indicate past habitual action.

× I really love nature and my name pictures were, uh, nature images.

✓ I really loved nature and most of my pictures were of natural scenes.

'My name pictures' is incorrect phraseology; likely intended 'many pictures' or 'most of my pictures'. Also tense should be past 'loved' to match past context. Rephrase for idiomatic English: 'pictures were of' is correct prepositional structure.

× and for now my hobby is swimming because I really like swimming, I like everything associating with water and I used have swimming coach that that I went to three times a day and my favorite hobby swimming.

✓ Now my hobby is swimming because I really like swimming; I enjoy everything related to water and I used to have a swimming coach whom I went to three times a week; my favorite hobby is swimming.

Multiple issues: 'for now' better as 'now'; 'associating with water' is incorrect—use 'related to water'; 'I used have' missing 'to' (should be 'used to have'); 'that that I went to' is ungrammatical—use 'whom I went to' or 'who I trained with'; 'three times a day' seems excessive so keep original frequency but ensure grammaticality; ensure verbs use correct past participle or past form where required. Rephrase into clearer clauses with correct relative pronoun and 'used to' construction.

× Uh, yes, yes, me and me and my dad, uh, share the same hobbies.

✓ Yes, my dad and I share the same hobbies.

Use subject pronoun order and form: 'my dad and I' is correct subject form; 'me and me and my dad' is ungrammatical and repetitive. Place 'I' after the other person and use 'I' not 'me' in subject position.

× So, uh, my hobby became drawing, uh, like my dad, I was drawing scenes from nature, like birds, rivers and that kind of stuff.

✓ So my hobby became drawing like my dad; I drew scenes from nature, such as birds and rivers.

Mixed tenses and awkward phrasing: 'I was drawing' can be simplified to past simple 'I drew' to match 'became'. Also remove filler 'uh' and 'that kind of stuff' replaced with 'such as' for formal clarity. Use consistent past tense for past habits.

× And I, I were older, I uh, became more and more into drawing and I started drawing portraits.

✓ And when I was older, I became more and more into drawing and started drawing portraits.

'I were older' is incorrect subject-verb agreement; singular subject 'I' takes 'was' not 'were'. Remove redundant 'I' and filler 'uh'. Use 'when I was older' to mark time and keep verbs in past tense.