Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer contains good content (long-term experience and recent practice) but has several language errors, awkward word choices and some redundancy. To improve: 1) Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g. “Yes — I enjoy playing the piano.”). 2) Correct word choice and grammar (e.g. not “explains the piano”, “greatest patients”, or “now I gone practicing”). 3) Reduce redundancy and keep to 3–4 sentences. 4) Use linking words for coherence (for example: “because”, “so”, “for example”). 5) Add one specific detail (a piece you’re practicing or how often you practice).

例: Yes — I enjoy playing the piano. I have been playing since I was eight and graduated from music school two years ago, so I still practise every other day. Currently I am working on some challenging classical pieces because I want to improve my technique. Playing helps me express my emotions and relax after a busy day.

提案: The content is fine (past hobby and change) but there are many repetitions, tense mistakes and unclear expressions. To improve: 1) Use past tense consistently for childhood (e.g. “I attended drawing classes”). 2) Avoid filler words (“uh”, “to be honest”) and repetition (“I understand that I understood”). 3) Give a brief reason for stopping drawing and link it to current hobby with a linking word (e.g. “so” or “so I switched to piano”). 4) Keep it short and specific (2–3 sentences).

例: Yes, I loved drawing when I was a child and I attended an art class for several years. However, as I grew older I became more interested in music, so I gradually stopped drawing and focused on learning the piano instead.

提案: This answer is clear and directly answers the question, with a good reason. To improve further: 1) Remove hesitations (no “uh”) and make the topic sentence concise. 2) Use correct tense and smoother linking language (e.g. “since I was eight” and “because”). 3) Add one specific supporting detail (what type of music you play or when you practise). 4) Keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes — I have been playing the piano since I was eight. Since then it has been my main hobby because practising music helps me unwind after a busy day. I usually play classical pieces and short contemporary songs for about 30–45 minutes every evening.

提案: Good content showing family connection through music, but language is informal with hesitations and small errors. To improve: 1) Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g. “Yes, we share a musical interest.”). 2) Remove fillers and correct phrasing (“we share an interest in music”; “these hobbies bring us closer”). 3) Use linking words and one specific example (a song you play together or how often you play). 4) Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, we share an interest in music. My mother plays the guitar and I play the piano, and we often play songs together at home on weekends, which brings us closer as a family.

× Frankly speaking, my hobby explains the piano.

✓ Frankly speaking, my hobby is playing the piano.

The verb 'explains' is incorrect here; a linking verb is needed to describe a hobby. This is a sentence structure/word choice error. Use 'is playing' or 'is' + gerund phrase to describe an activity: 'my hobby is playing the piano.' Use a gerund ('playing') after 'hobby is' to express an activity.

× It is one of my greatest patients.

✓ It is one of my greatest passions.

'Patients' is a wrong word; the intended noun is 'passions' meaning strong interests. This is a vocabulary/word choice error affecting sentence meaning. Replace with 'passions.'

× Two years ago I graduated from music school, but now I gone practicing every other day, trying to master appeal, trying to master challenging pieces or creating melodies that resonate with my feelings.

✓ Two years ago I graduated from music school, but now I go practicing every other day, trying to master difficult pieces and create melodies that resonate with my feelings.

Multiple errors: 'gone practicing' is incorrect (past participle used incorrectly) — use simple present 'go' or 'practice' to describe habitual action. 'Master appeal' is incorrect word choice; likely meant 'difficult' or 'challenging' pieces. Also maintain parallel structure: 'trying to master... and create...' Use 'go practicing' colloquially; better: 'now I practice every other day.' Suggestion: 'but now I practice every other day, trying to master challenging pieces and create melodies...'. This correction follows present habit tense.

× I even go to the draw school and I think that I was good at it.

✓ I even went to a drawing school and I think that I was good at it.

Talking about childhood uses past tense: 'go' should be 'went.' Also 'draw school' is incorrect; use 'drawing school' or 'art school.' Keep tense consistent for past events.

× But, uh, over the years, I understand that I understood that this hobby is not very, uh, good for me.

✓ But, over the years, I realized that this hobby was not very good for me.

Mixed tenses and repetition: 'I understand that I understood' is redundant and inconsistent. For past change use past 'realized' and 'was not.' Use simple past to describe a past realization.

× Yes, I have, it is uh, playing the piano.

✓ Yes, I have; it is playing the piano.

Use a semicolon or break into two sentences for clarity. 'Yes, I have' refers to 'have a hobby' and should be followed by clarification. Alternatively: 'Yes, I have. It is playing the piano.' This fixes punctuation and clarity.

× from that time I understand that piano is the best hobby for me because immersing myself in music helps me unwind and find peace after a busy day.

✓ From that time I have understood that the piano is the best hobby for me because immersing myself in music helps me unwind and find peace after a busy day.

If speaker refers from past to present, use present perfect 'have understood' or simple past 'understood.' Also include definite article 'the piano.' Using correct tense clarifies that the understanding began in the past and continues now.

× Honestly, I do uh, we have the same interest in music with my mother, for example, I play the piano and my mother plays the guitar and sometimes we like creating music together or talk about our favorite songs.

✓ Honestly, I do. We share the same interest in music with my mother. For example, I play the piano and my mother plays the guitar, and sometimes we like to create music together or talk about our favorite songs.

Run-on sentence and preposition issues: use 'share the same interest in music with' or better 'my mother and I share an interest in music.' Add articles and infinitive 'to create' for natural phrasing. Break into shorter sentences for clarity.

× I think that these hob hobby brings us closer together.

✓ I think that this hobby brings us closer together.

Confusing duplication 'hob hobby' and incorrect determiner: 'these' (plural) with 'hobby' (singular). Use 'this hobby' and correct singular verb 'brings.'