Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Also correct small grammar issues (e.g., “Playing games helps” not “help”).

例: I enjoy playing video games. For example, I own several consoles and a gaming laptop, and I usually play online with friends to relax after work. Because online play lets me meet new people and share experiences, it’s a hobby that keeps my life interesting.

提案: Avoid trailing off and keep answers complete. Provide a clear topic sentence, then two concise supporting details with linking words. Remove unfinished phrases like “On the other hand.” and correct small phrasing issues (e.g., “we didn’t have one”).

例: Yes, I had several hobbies as a child. For example, I loved drawing because it helped me express my creativity, and I often played badminton with classmates after school. I also wanted to learn piano, but we didn’t have one at home, so I couldn’t take lessons.

提案: Keep it natural but slightly more formal and avoid colloquial fillers like “I guess.” Use a clear topic sentence plus a brief supporting detail and a linking phrase to show continuity.

例: Yes, I have played video games since childhood. My older sister bought me my first console and we spent whole nights playing together, so gaming has remained an important pastime for me.

提案: Correct small grammar errors and be more concise. Use a clear topic sentence, then one or two specific examples, and a linking word to explain the benefit. For example, change “new newly released” to “newly released” and “Having similar hobby” to “Sharing a hobby”.

例: Yes, I share my hobby with my husband. For example, we both play newly released online games, and because of this shared interest we can easily plan activities together and strengthen our bond.

× Playing games help me relax after a busy day at work.

✓ Playing games helps me relax after a busy day at work.

Subject 'Playing games' is a singular gerund phrase that requires a singular verb form. Use 'helps' (third person singular) to agree with the singular subject. Suggestion: treat gerund phrases as singular subjects and use singular verbs (e.g., 'Playing music helps...').

× Additionally, it also allows me to play with friends and meet new people online.

✓ Additionally, it allows me to play with friends and meet new people online.

The conjunction 'Additionally' and the adverb 'also' are redundant when used together. Remove one to avoid repetition. Suggestion: choose either 'Additionally' or 'also' for clearer, more concise sentences.

× On the other hand.

✓ On the other hand, I could not learn the piano because we did not have one at home.

'On the other hand.' is a sentence fragment without a main clause (no verb or complete idea). I combined it with the previous idea to form a complete sentence that contrasts the desire to learn with the obstacle. Suggestion: avoid sentence fragments; always include a subject and verb or attach the fragment to a related sentence.

× I loved playing games ever since I was a child.

✓ I have loved playing games ever since I was a child.

The phrase 'ever since' indicates an action that began in the past and continues to the present; the present perfect ('have loved') is required. Using simple past ('loved') incorrectly implies the feeling may have ended. Suggestion: use present perfect with 'ever since' to show continuity (e.g., 'I have enjoyed... ever since...').

× we played it until morning.

✓ we played it until the morning.

While 'until morning' is understandable, 'until the morning' is more natural in this context. Also consider capitalizing start of sentence: 'We played it until the morning.' Suggestion: use definite article 'the' when referring to a specific time period like 'the morning'.

× Old habits die hard I guess.

✓ Old habits die hard, I guess.

This sentence is missing a comma before the tag 'I guess' which clarifies the speaker's attitude. Punctuation improves readability. Suggestion: insert a comma before short tags like 'I guess' or 'I think'.

× we often try new newly released games.

✓ we often try newly released games.

The words 'new' and 'newly' are redundant together; use one adjective. 'Newly released' is sufficient. Suggestion: avoid using two words that convey the same meaning; choose the more precise option.

× Having similar hobby really helps us bond and makes it easier to plan activities.

✓ Having a similar hobby really helps us bond and makes it easier to plan activities.

The noun 'hobby' is singular and requires an article. Use the indefinite article 'a' before the singular countable noun. Suggestion: for singular countable nouns, include an appropriate article ('a', 'an', or 'the').