Rules— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct minor word choice and grammar errors. Begin with a direct topic sentence, avoid filler like “Umm,” and use correct terms (e.g., “lockers” not “locals”). Keep to 2–4 sentences and include a clear reason or brief example using linking words (e.g., “because” or “which”).

例: Yes. My school had several strict rules. For example, students had to switch off their smartphones and leave them in their lockers because this reduced distractions and helped everyone concentrate on lessons.

提案: Clarify meaning and correct word choice and grammar. Avoid confusing or invented phrases (“career orders,” “undulated,” “crisis”). Give a clear opinion with one or two concrete supporting reasons and use linking words like “because” and “therefore.”

例: Yes, I do. I believe stricter rules on devices would help because fewer distractions mean students can pay more attention in class, therefore improving their grades.

提案: Good content and structure. Remove the repeated words (“in my in high school”) and keep sentences concise. You can add one brief linking phrase like “for example” to connect the topic sentence and details more smoothly.

例: Yes. I had a very dedicated high school teacher. For example, he gave me one-on-one guidance about university choices and suggested study techniques and extra exercises that improved my grades.

提案: Be careful with tense and word choice. Fix unclear phrases (e.g., “career leaders”) and simplify. Start with a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then give a reason with a short example. Use linking words like “because” or “so.”

例: I prefer more rules at school, especially when I was younger, because too much freedom led to distractions. Stricter supervision would have reduced interruptions and helped me focus on my studies.

提案: Solid and natural answer. Avoid repeating “strict” and tighten phrasing. Keep it to 2–3 sentences and add a linking word like “as a result” to show consequence clearly.

例: Yes. In junior high I had a teacher who enforced homework deadlines strictly. Once I forgot my homework and got detention, so as a result I always completed assignments on time.

提案: Clarify and correct vocabulary and phrasing (“neuter free school,” “career discipline”). Begin with a direct topic sentence stating your preference, then give one clear reason with a linking word. Avoid long repetitive phrases.

例: No, I would not like to teach in a rule-free school because without clear discipline students may struggle to learn. I would prefer a school with consistent rules and classroom management so pupils can concentrate and make academic progress.

× They have to switch them off and leave them in their locals, and the rule is intended to reduce distractions and help children focus on their studies.

✓ They have to switch them off and leave them in their lockers, and the rule is intended to reduce distractions and help students focus on their studies.

'locals' is incorrect word choice; 'lockers' is the correct noun for storage at school. Also 'children' is less appropriate in context of high school students; use 'students' for consistency. Use of articles is correct otherwise.

× Yes, I think students would benefit from career orders at school because reducing undulated distractions such as mobile phones helps them concentrate on their studies.

✓ Yes, I think students would benefit from clearer rules at school because reducing unnecessary distractions such as mobile phones helps them concentrate on their studies.

'career orders' and 'undulated distractions' are incorrect word choices that make the sentence ungrammatical. Replacing them with 'clearer rules' and 'unnecessary distractions' corrects meaning and structure while keeping tense and modal meaning ('would benefit') intact.

× With fewer distractions people students can focus better on crisis and achieve higher grades.

✓ With fewer distractions, students can focus better on their studies and achieve higher grades.

The original has extra word 'people' and incorrect noun 'crisis'. Removing 'people' and replacing 'crisis' with 'their studies' fixes meaning and structure. Add a comma after introductory phrase for clarity.

× I had a very dedicated teacher in my in high school.

✓ I had a very dedicated teacher in my high school.

There is a duplicated preposition 'in'. Removing the extra 'in' corrects the sentence. Past tense 'had' is appropriate for describing a past teacher.

× He was extremely kind and supportive, giving me one-on-one advice when I was unsure about which university to choose, and he also helped me improve my grades by suggesting effective study techniques and extra practice.

✓ He was extremely kind and supportive, giving me one-on-one advice when I was unsure about which university to choose, and he also helped me improve my grades by suggesting effective study techniques and additional practice.

'Extra practice' is acceptable but 'additional practice' is more natural collocation. Prepositions are correct; change improves register and clarity.

× I prefer more rules at school, especially when I was younger, because my school encouraged the student to behave too freely and that created many distractions.

✓ I preferred more rules at school, especially when I was younger, because my school encouraged students to behave too freely and that created many distractions.

Tense inconsistency: speaker compares past preference with 'when I was younger' so past tense 'preferred' fits better. Also 'the student' should be plural 'students' to match general meaning (singular/plural issue).

× Career leaders would have reduced those interruptions and let me concentrate better on my studies.

✓ Clearer rules would have reduced those interruptions and allowed me to concentrate better on my studies.

'Career leaders' is incorrect word choice; replace with 'clearer rules' to match intended meaning. 'Let me' is acceptable but 'allowed me to' is more natural in this conditional past context.

× Yes, I had a really strict teacher in junior high school who was extremely strict about homework deadlines.

✓ Yes, I had a really strict teacher in junior high school who was extremely strict about homework deadlines.

Sentence is grammatically correct. No change needed; included here to indicate no third person singular error.

× Once I forgot to bring my homework and she gave me a detention, so after that I always finished my assignments on time.

✓ Once I forgot to bring my homework and she gave me a detention, so after that I always finished my assignments on time.

Sentence is grammatically correct; past tense narrative is consistent. No correction required.

× I do not like to teach in a neuter free school because without career discipline, students might have a hard time learning.

✓ I would not like to teach in a completely rule-free school because without clear discipline, students might have a hard time learning.

'Neuter free' and 'career discipline' are incorrect word choices. Replacing them with 'completely rule-free' and 'clear discipline' corrects the sentence and preserves the modal meaning. Also 'I would not like' is more natural for hypothetical preference.

× So I prefer to work in a school with strict rules and consistent classroom management so that students can focus on their study and improve their academic progress.

✓ So I prefer to work in a school with strict rules and consistent classroom management so that students can focus on their studies and improve their academic progress.

Change 'study' to plural 'studies' which is the correct collocation when referring to general academic work. Tense and structure are otherwise appropriate.