Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use clearer sentence structure. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler words like 'like' and repetition (e.g., 'different kind of shoes' and 'types of shoes').

例: I enjoy buying shoes and do so about once a week. I have a fairly large collection at home, and I like choosing different pairs to match specific outfits for work or weekends.

提案: Clarify your meaning and correct grammar. Begin with a direct response (Yes/No) and explain briefly with clear reasons, using linking words (because, so). Avoid incomplete sentences and tense errors.

例: No, I haven't bought shoes online because different brands often use different sizing. As a result, a pair that is labeled my size can be too small or too large, which makes me prefer trying shoes on in person.

提案: Use correct noun forms and be specific. Start with a topic sentence, then give two clear examples with estimated price ranges and reasons. Avoid vague phrases like 'store different dates' and make the contexts clear.

例: It depends on the type of shoes. For sports shoes I usually spend under $100 because I need them to be practical, but for dress or casual shoes I might spend more than $150 so they look good for events like weddings or dates.

提案: Good structure and balance. Improve fluency by removing fillers ('uh') and using precise phrasing. Use linking words (however, although) and provide a brief reason for your preference.

例: I usually prefer fashionable shoes because I pay attention to my outfit. However, when I'm exercising or walking with family I choose comfortable shoes so I can move easily and avoid soreness.

× At home I have collections of shoes.

✓ At home I have a collection of shoes.

'Collections' is plural but context implies one set of many shoes; use singular 'a collection' or change to 'collections of shoes' only if referring to multiple separate collections. Use 'a collection' for a general inventory of shoes.

× I love like wearing different kind of shoes and types of shoes under different outfits.

✓ I like wearing different kinds of shoes and different types of shoes with different outfits.

Remove unnecessary filler 'love like' and use 'like wearing' or 'love wearing'. 'Different kind of shoes' should be pluralized to 'different kinds' and use 'with' rather than 'under' for outfits.

× No, I am not sport shoes online before and that's has a reason because sometimes different stores has different sizes of shoes.

✓ No, I have not bought sport shoes online before, and there's a reason: sometimes different stores have different sizes.

Use present perfect 'have not bought' to express experience up to now. 'Am not sport shoes' is incorrect word order and verb. 'That's has a reason' should be 'there's a reason' or 'that has a reason' — 'there's' is natural. 'Stores has' should be 'stores have' (subject-verb agreement).

× Even though it's may be your size that might be smaller for you or bigger for you and it can hurt your foot afterwards.

✓ Even if it may be your size, it could be smaller or larger for you and it might hurt your foot afterwards.

Combine modal verbs correctly: use 'Even if' not 'Even though' when giving a hypothetical; avoid stacking 'may be' and 'might' together. Use 'could' or 'might' consistently. 'Bigger' -> 'larger' is acceptable but not required; keep parallel structure.

× So I have to.

✓ So I avoid buying them online.

'So I have to.' is an incomplete sentence lacking an object or clear action. Provide the full reason/result clause e.g. 'So I avoid buying them online.' to make the intention clear.

× If it's a sporty shoes I wouldn't spend so much money, it would be lower than $100.

✓ If it's a sporty shoe, I wouldn't spend so much money; it would be less than $100.

'A sporty shoes' mixes singular article with plural noun; use 'a sporty shoe' or 'sporty shoes' with no 'a'. 'Lower than' is less natural for price; use 'less than'. Also separate clauses with a semicolon or period.

× But if I'm buying a casual shoes which I can wear under wedding, store different dates, I would give more than $150.00.

✓ But if I'm buying casual shoes that I can wear to weddings or special occasions, I would spend more than $150.

'A casual shoes' mixes article and plural; use 'casual shoes' or 'a casual shoe'. 'Wear under wedding' is incorrect preposition and noun form; use 'wear to weddings' or 'for a wedding'. 'Store different dates' is unclear—likely meant 'for different dates' or 'special occasions'. 'Give' is informal; use 'spend'. Remove redundant .00.

× I prefer fashionable shoes, but depending on the situation I might wear comfortable ones as well.

✓ I prefer fashionable shoes, but depending on the situation I might wear comfortable ones as well.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. Kept for completeness.

× If I'm going on a sport walking with my mom or aunt, I would wear a comfortable one.

✓ If I'm going for a walk or doing sport with my mom or aunt, I would wear comfortable shoes.

'a sport walking' is ungrammatical. Use 'going for a walk' or 'going walking' or 'doing sports'. 'a comfortable one' is vague when referring to shoes; use 'comfortable shoes'.

× But besides uh, sport things, I would always wear a fashionable one because I pay attention to my outfit and what I wear.

✓ But aside from sports activities, I would always wear fashionable shoes because I pay attention to my outfit and what I wear.

'Besides uh, sport things' is informal and ungrammatical; use 'aside from sports activities' or 'apart from sports'. 'a fashionable one' should be 'fashionable shoes' for clarity and agreement. Removed filler 'uh'.