Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer needs to be more coherent and grammatically correct. Try to form complete sentences and avoid fragmented phrases. Also, explain clearly why you like singing, using linking words to connect your ideas logically.

例: Yes, I like singing very much because the instrumental music is so soothing. It provides me with headspace to think about different things, especially when I am in crowded places. Moreover, singing helps me to meditate and relax my mind.

提案: Your answer is unclear and incomplete. Please try to give a direct response to the question with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. Use linking words to make your answer coherent and avoid incomplete sentences.

例: Yes, I have learnt how to sing. I started learning music during my first year of bachelor's degree. Although I was not very good at vocals, I received training in guitar as well. This helped me to understand music better.

提案: Your answer should be more structured and clear. Start with a direct response, then explain why you want to sing for your mother using specific details. Avoid fragmented sentences and unclear phrases.

例: I would like to sing for my mother because she is my closest friend in the world. Over time, my bond with her has grown stronger. I want to sing a special Bollywood song for her as a mother-daughter gesture.

提案: Your answer has good ideas but lacks clarity and coherence. Use complete sentences and linking words to connect your points. Explain how singing brings happiness with specific reasons.

例: Yes, I think singing can bring happiness to people because it is a form of art that expresses emotions beautifully. The soothing melodies help people to relax and meditate, even in crowded places. Therefore, singing promotes peace and joy among listeners.

× Yes, I like singing very much. Because the instrumental music in its is so smoothing that it provides.

✓ Yes, I like singing very much because the instrumental music is so soothing that it provides

The sentence incorrectly starts with 'Because' leading to a sentence fragment. Also, 'in its' is unnecessary and 'smoothing' should be 'soothing'. The sentence should be combined properly to avoid fragments and use correct adjectives.

× Head space to think about different. Things at. Which I am unable to retain. In a crowded places and it also helps to meditate.

✓ headspace to think about different things, which I am unable to retain in crowded places, and it also helps me to meditate.

The original is fragmented and has incorrect punctuation. 'Head space' should be 'headspace' as one word. 'In a crowded places' is incorrect; 'places' is plural so 'a' should be removed. The sentence should be combined properly for clarity.

× I'm fond of learnings, music, or any instrumental.

✓ I'm fond of learning music or any instrument.

'Learnings' is incorrect; the gerund form 'learning' should be used. Also, 'instrumental' is an adjective; the noun 'instrument' is appropriate here.

× So I started learning in my first year of bachelors.

✓ So I started learning in my first year of my bachelor's degree.

The phrase 'first year of bachelors' is incomplete and unclear. It should be 'first year of my bachelor's degree' to be grammatically correct and clear.

× However, I was not good at vocals, but I was trained at. The guitar and also. While in. It was only.

✓ However, I was not good at vocals, but I was trained in guitar as well.

The original sentence is fragmented and unclear. 'Trained at the guitar' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'trained in guitar'. The rest of the sentence is incomplete and should be omitted or clarified.

× Who do you want to sing for?

✓ Whom do you want to sing for?

The correct object pronoun 'whom' should be used instead of 'who' when referring to the object of the verb 'sing for'.

× Because she is my one and only friend in this. World.

✓ Because she is my one and only friend in this world.

The sentence is fragmented with an unnecessary period after 'this'. It should be combined into one sentence without the period.

× With increasing time. The one with her has increased or would like to saying her special melody for her which is a mother daughter deal.

✓ With time, my bond with her has increased, and I would like to sing a special melody for her, which is a mother-daughter deal.

The original sentence is fragmented and uses incorrect verb forms like 'would like to saying'. It should be corrected to 'would like to sing'. Also, 'with increasing time' is better expressed as 'with time'.

× Do I need is a Bollywood song?

✓ What I need is a Bollywood song.

The original sentence is unclear and incorrectly structured. It should be rephrased to 'What I need is a Bollywood song' to make sense.

× Yes, singing is a form of art. Which brings happiness to the people.

✓ Yes, singing is a form of art which brings happiness to people.

The sentence fragment starting with 'Which' should be connected to the previous sentence to form a complete sentence.

× The melody itself is so smoothing that it reflects the emotion beautifully.

✓ The melody itself is so soothing that it reflects the emotion beautifully.

The adjective 'smoothing' is incorrect here; the correct word is 'soothing' which means calming or comforting.

× Motor work.

✓ It also helps to meditate.

'Motor work' is unclear and seems out of context. It should be removed or replaced with a meaningful phrase. Here, 'It also helps to meditate' fits the context.

× It helps to meditate. In a crowded places.

✓ It helps me to meditate in crowded places.

'In a crowded places' is incorrect because 'places' is plural and 'a' is singular. Also, 'helps to meditate' should be 'helps me to meditate' for clarity.

× It's also a form of peaceful man.

✓ It's also a form of peaceful mind.

'Peaceful man' is incorrect in this context; the intended phrase is likely 'peaceful mind'.