Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words, correct grammar (e.g., “I’m not much of a snacker”), give specific frequency, and a brief reason. Use linking words like “however” or “because”. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: I’m not much of a snacker; I usually only have snacks on weekends or two to three times a month because I’m health-conscious. However, if I do snack, I choose healthier options rather than oily, packed snacks.

提案: Organize answer with a clear opinion then examples. Reduce hesitations and correct vocabulary (e.g., ‘poha’, ‘idli’, ‘packaged snacks’). Use linking words: ‘for example’, ‘on the other hand’. Provide a brief conclusion sentence.

例: I think some snacks can be healthy, for example poha and idli, which are made from simple ingredients. On the other hand, packaged snacks like potato chips are unhealthy because they are high in oil and salt. So overall, I try to choose healthier snacks.

提案: Answer directly with a clear past-tense statement, avoid repetitions and hesitations. Give specific examples and a short reason or contrast with today. Use linking words like ‘when I was younger’ and ‘for example’ to structure the response.

例: When I was younger I often ate snacks and enjoyed packaged foods. For example, I used to eat potato chips, French fries, pizza, pasta and instant noodles like Maggi. However, I don’t eat those often now because I’m more health-conscious.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence stating current preferences, then contrast with past preferences. Use correct names (e.g., ‘uttapam’ or ‘idli’), reduce filler words, and give a brief reason why you prefer healthier options. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Now I prefer healthier snacks such as poha, idli and uttapam because they are filling and lightly cooked. When I was younger I liked pizza, pasta and instant noodles, but I avoid them now since I try to eat more nutritious food.

× Uh, well, I have no, not that per, uh, snack person, but, uh, I just, uh, eat the snacks on the weekends and, uh, two or three, uh, tries in a a month because I am quite health conscious.

✓ Uh, well, I'm not really a snack person, but I eat snacks on weekends and two or three times a month because I am quite health-conscious.

Original sentence has disfluent fragments and incorrect words ('no, not that per'), wrong noun form 'tries' instead of 'times', repeated filler words, and missing hyphen in 'health-conscious'. Suggestion: remove fillers, use contraction 'I'm', use 'not really a snack person', and 'two or three times a month' for clarity. (Note: This error is classified as Sentence structure errors because multiple structural problems prevent a coherent sentence.)

× That is why I avoid these type of snacks because in this next there are quite, uh, oil.

✓ That is why I avoid these types of snacks because they contain a lot of oil.

Original uses incorrect quantifier 'these type' (should be 'these types' or 'this type') and awkward clause 'in this next there are quite oil'. Also 'a lot of oil' is the natural expression. Suggestion: use 'these types of snacks' or 'this type of snack', and 'they contain a lot of oil'. (Classified as Incorrect use of quantifiers because 'these type' is wrong.)

× Well, there are lots of type of snacks which are quite healthy like utma, poha etcetera as well Italy.

✓ Well, there are lots of types of snacks that are quite healthy, like uthma and poha.

Original uses 'lots of type' which should be 'lots of types' or 'a lot of types'. Also 'etcetera as well Italy' is incorrect and unclear; removed extraneous words. Suggestion: use 'lots of types of snacks' and list examples clearly. (Classified as Incorrect use of quantifiers for 'lots of type'.)

× But uh, I think, uh, the other snacks which are packed pools like potato chips etcetera are quite UN unhealthy for our health.

✓ But I think other snacks that are packaged, like potato chips, are very unhealthy for our health.

Original has 'packed pools' (nonsense) and 'UN unhealthy' (double negative/typo). Use 'packaged' or 'packed' correctly and 'very unhealthy' or simply 'unhealthy'. Suggestion: say 'snacks that are packaged' and avoid redundant negatives. (Classified as Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs because of misuse/typo 'UN unhealthy' and wrong adjective form.)

× So that is why these are snacks which are quite healthy.

✓ So that is why these snacks are quite healthy.

Original word order is awkward and contains unnecessary words 'are snacks which are'. Simplify to 'these snacks are quite healthy'. Suggestion: place subject before verb and remove redundant relative clause. (Classified as Sentence structure errors.)

× You are definitely when I'm was young and I love to eat the packed food, like packed, uh, chips and uh, potato chips and lots of uh, like uh, fritters as well as uh, a French fries.

✓ I definitely did when I was young, and I loved to eat packaged foods, like chips, potato chips, fritters, and French fries.

Original begins with 'You are definitely' which is wrong subject, mixes tenses ('I'm was'), and has singular/plural mismatches ('a French fries'). Correct to past tense 'did', 'was', and plural nouns. Suggestion: use consistent past tense for past habits and correct plural forms. (Classified as Subject-verb agreement errors because of incorrect subject and tense agreement and pluralization.)

× These type of things I love to eat like, uh, pizza, pasta, Maggi noodles, etcetera.

✓ I loved to eat these kinds of things, like pizza, pasta, and Maggi noodles.

Use 'these kinds of things' or 'this type of thing' (original 'These type' is wrong). Also maintain past tense 'loved' to match earlier past reference. Suggestion: use 'these kinds of' and include conjunctions in lists. (Classified as Sentence structure errors.)

× Well, as I earlier said that uh, and my childhood or in my past year, I love to eat the pizza, pasta and the Maggi noodles, etc.

✓ Well, as I said earlier, in my childhood I loved to eat pizza, pasta, and Maggi noodles.

Original has confusing pronoun/temporal phrases 'as I earlier said that uh, and my childhood or in my past year' and inconsistent tense. Remove filler, place 'earlier' after 'said', and use past tense 'loved' for childhood. Suggestion: restructure: 'As I said earlier, in my childhood I loved to eat...' (Classified as Incorrect use of pronouns because of misplaced references and unclear temporal pronouns.)

× But now I just quite conscious about my health and I love to eat the poha, utham, idli, etcetera, because these are good option for snacks.

✓ But now I am quite conscious about my health, and I like to eat poha, utham, idli, etc., because these are good options for snacks.

Missing verb 'am' (present simple), 'just quite conscious' needs 'am quite', and 'good option' should be plural 'good options'. Also 'love' can be toned to 'like' to reflect habitual preference. Suggestion: include the verb 'am', ensure subject-verb agreement, and pluralize 'options'. (Classified as Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs because of missing verb and adjective phrase misuse.)