Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise, grammatically correct and directly state your current status first. Correct verb tenses and word choice, and avoid redundancy. Use one clear topic sentence then one or two supporting details with linking words.

例: I am currently working and have been employed for about five years since graduating from university. I work as an auditor, so my daily tasks include examining clients' financial statements and preparing audit reports and transaction tests.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence stating the workplace, then add one specific detail and a linking word. Use natural phrasing and correct adjective use.

例: I work in a newly established office building that uses an AI-based management system. It is tastefully decorated and feels pleasant to work in.

提案: Begin with a clear yes/no answer, then support it with a specific reason using linking words like 'because' or 'for example'. Make sentences shorter and more natural.

例: Yes, I think it's a great place to work because each floor has multipurpose rooms. For example, there are quiet booths for focused work and collaborative spaces for team meetings, which helps productivity.

提案: Answer directly and finish your thoughts. Use clear linking words and avoid trailing off. Give a complete second sentence with a concrete example and keep sentences within the 5-sentence limit.

例: Yes, I love working there because we have flexible seating instead of fixed desks. For example, if I need to discuss a project with teammates we use a meeting room, while on focused days I can sit in a quiet zone.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence about your future plans, avoid filler words (uh, um) and complete your idea. State specific goals and steps you will take, using one or two supporting details and linking phrases like 'so that' or 'by'.

例: I hope to move into a related area within the financial sector and advance my career. Specifically, I plan to specialize in financial analysis and take professional certification courses so that I can apply my current auditing experience to higher-responsibility roles.

× I have worked for about five years after graduate UMM after graduated from university.

✓ I worked for about five years after graduating from UMM (the University of Muhammadiyah Malang).

The student mixed present perfect 'have worked' with a clear past time reference 'after graduating' and used incorrect form 'after graduated'. Use simple past 'worked' or present perfect only without a finished time. Also use the gerund 'graduating' after 'after'. Suggestion: use 'I worked for about five years after graduating from UMM.' (Note: expanded university name added for clarity—optional.)

× My daily routine is to examine clients financial statements, prepare audio report and test transactions for clients.

✓ My daily routine is to examine clients' financial statements, prepare audit reports, and test transactions for clients.

Several issues: missing possessive apostrophe in 'clients', wrong word 'audio' should be 'audit', and parallelism in list. Use plural 'reports' to match 'statements' and 'transactions'. Also include commas and 'and' for clarity. Suggestion: ensure possessives, correct vocabulary, and parallel structure.

× I work in the newly established office building which is decorated tastefully with AI based management system.

✓ I work in a newly established office building which is tastefully decorated with an AI-based management system.

Article use: 'the newly established' implies a specific known building; 'a newly established' is more natural here. 'Decorated tastefully' should be 'tastefully decorated' (word order). Also 'AI based' needs a hyphen and requires an article 'an AI-based management system'. Suggestion: check article choice and adjective order and hyphenation for compound modifiers.

× It is a nice and pleasant place to work.

✓ It is a pleasant place to work.

'Nice and pleasant' is redundant; choose one adjective. 'Pleasant' alone is concise and appropriate. Suggestion: avoid redundant adjectives to make speech more natural.

× in our office floor there are rooms with multiple functions, so basically anyone can find a room or a place for them to boost the productivity and performance.

✓ On our office floor there are rooms with multiple functions, so basically anyone can find a room or a place for themselves to boost productivity and performance.

Use 'on' with 'floor' not 'in'. Pronoun 'them' should be reflexive 'themselves' for this context. Also remove 'the' before 'productivity and performance' and drop 'the' before plural nouns when speaking generally. Suggestion: use correct preposition for location and correct reflexive pronoun.

× Yes, I love the place where I work because I don't have a fixed seat, so I can find a place that suits my purpose of that day.

✓ Yes, I love the place where I work because I don't have a fixed seat, so I can find a place that suits my purpose for that day.

Phrase 'purpose of that day' is not idiomatic; use 'purpose for that day'. This fixes preposition use with 'purpose'. Suggestion: use common collocations like 'purpose for the day'.

× For example, if I would like to communicate with my teammates, we would gather together in the meeting room.

✓ For example, if I want to communicate with my teammates, we gather in the meeting room.

Conditional structure: 'if I would like' and 'we would gather' is awkward; use a zero or first conditional for habitual actions. Use present simple: 'if I want... we gather'. Also 'together' is redundant with 'gather'. Suggestion: use present simple for habitual routines.

× Otherwise I can find the.

✓ Otherwise I can find a quiet spot.

Original sentence is incomplete and lacks the object. Provide a complete noun phrase such as 'a quiet spot' or 'a suitable place'. Suggestion: always complete sentences with necessary objects or complements.

× Uh, hopefully I will transfer to a related industry in financial sector and, uh, I would, uh, take my current experience to the next level.

✓ Hopefully I will transfer to a related industry in the financial sector and take my current experience to the next level.

Mixing 'will' and 'would' is inconsistent. Use 'will' for future intention and remove filler 'would'. Also add article 'the' before 'financial sector'. Suggestion: keep future tense consistent for intentions and include necessary articles.

× I wish to perform my current experience, uh, my current.

✓ I want to build on my current experience.

'Perform my current experience' is ungrammatical; 'build on my experience' or 'use my current experience' are natural. The original is also incomplete. Suggestion: use common verbs with 'experience' such as 'gain', 'use', 'build on', or 'apply' and avoid repetition and fillers.