历史— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Try to make your answer more natural and clear by avoiding awkward phrases like 'press police' which seems incorrect. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and be more specific about the historical aspects you found interesting.

範例: Yes, I studied Persian history during middle and high school. It was fascinating to learn how our ancestors ruled vast territories and built magnificent structures, such as the Golestan Palace in Tehran and other historical sites across Iran.

建議: Improve sentence structure and clarity. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid redundancy. Also, be more specific about the learning methods and materials.

範例: Our history teachers recommended excellent books, which we studied in the library. This helped us understand how different countries ruled the world in the past.

建議: Try to organize your answer with clear linking words and avoid repetition. Use more precise vocabulary and give specific examples of how history helps improve life and governance.

範例: Studying history answers many complex questions and helps us avoid repeating past mistakes. For example, by understanding previous government failures, we can make better decisions to improve our country's future.

建議: Make your answer more coherent by using linking words and avoid vague terms like 'stuff'. Be specific about what you learn and how it benefits the country.

範例: I believe learning history is essential because it helps us understand our culture, government, and society. This knowledge enables us to contribute positively to our country's development.

× it was very lovely to see how our past ruled the world and how they managed to make such exquisite buildings like press police in Tehran, in Iran and other lovely locations.

✓ it was very lovely to see how our past ruled the world and how they managed to make such exquisite buildings like the Press Police in Tehran, Iran, and other lovely locations.

The phrase 'press police' should be capitalized as 'Press Police' because it is a proper noun, and 'in Iran' should be simplified to 'Iran' for better flow. Also, commas are needed to separate items in a list for clarity.

× how our past ruled the world and how they managed to make such exquisite buildings

✓ how our past ruled the world and how it managed to make such exquisite buildings

The pronoun 'they' incorrectly refers to 'our past,' which is singular. The correct pronoun is 'it' to match the singular noun 'past.'

× We had professional history teachers which would recommend us some great books on history

✓ We had professional history teachers who would recommend some great books on history to us

The relative pronoun 'which' is incorrect for people; 'who' should be used. Also, 'recommend us some books' is incorrect; the correct structure is 'recommend some books to us.'

× some great books on history so we could go study them in the library and learn about how the countries and ruled the world past then.

✓ some great books on history so we could go study them in the library and learn about how the countries ruled the world in the past then.

The phrase 'countries and ruled the world past then' is ungrammatical. The word 'and' is unnecessary and 'past' should be preceded by 'in the' to form 'in the past.'

× how the countries and ruled the world past then.

✓ how the countries ruled the world in the past then.

The conjunction 'and' is incorrectly placed between 'countries' and 'ruled.' It should be removed to correctly link the subject and verb. Also, 'past' needs the preposition 'in the' to be grammatically correct.

× After studying history, your complicated questions will be answered and you will never make the same mistake because you know how the past did those mistakes and you can learn from them.

✓ After studying history, your complicated questions will be answered and you will never make the same mistakes because you know how the past made those mistakes and you can learn from them.

The phrase 'did those mistakes' is incorrect; the verb 'make' is used with 'mistakes,' so the past tense 'made' is correct. Also, 'mistake' should be plural to match 'those.'

× And you could improve your life and your country and your government by just simply learning history of your own country.

✓ And you can improve your life, your country, and your government by simply learning the history of your own country.

The modal verb 'could' suggests possibility but here 'can' is more appropriate to express ability. Also, 'just simply' is redundant; 'simply' alone suffices. The phrase 'learning history of your own country' needs the definite article 'the' before 'history.'

× I believe it's fundamental to know history because after learning it, you get more.

✓ I believe it's fundamental to know history because after learning it, you gain more knowledge.

The phrase 'you get more' is vague and incomplete. Adding 'knowledge' clarifies the meaning and improves the sentence.

× You get to know more about the culture, the government, the society and many other stuff that could help you improve your country.

✓ You get to know more about the culture, the government, society, and many other things that could help you improve your country.

The word 'stuff' is informal and uncountable; 'things' is more appropriate here. Also, 'the society' is better as 'society' without 'the' when speaking generally.