游泳— Part 1 評分報告

建議: ปรับประโยคให้สั้น กระชับ และเป็นธรรมชาติมากขึ้น เริ่มด้วยประโยคตรงคำถาม ระบุสาเหตุอย่างชัดเจน ใช้ไวยากรณ์และคำศัพท์ที่ถูกต้อง เช่น ใช้คำว่า "I’m a big fan of swimming" และเล่าเรื่องด้วยลำดับเหตุการณ์ที่ชัดเจน จำกัดความยาวไว้ไม่เกิน 3-4 ประโยค และหลีกเลี่ยงการใช้คำซ้ำ ๆ

範例: Yes, I’m a big fan of swimming. I started when I was a child because my mother worked at a place with a swimming pool, so I spent most of my free time practicing there. Swimming has stayed with me as a favorite hobby because it keeps me fit and relaxed.

建議: ตอบให้ตรงคำถามและชัดเจนว่าเรียนว่ายน้ำยากไหม ใช้โครงสร้างประโยคที่สมบูรณ์ หลีกเลี่ยงคำฟุ่มเฟือยและการพูดซ้ำ อธิบายเหตุผลสั้น ๆ พร้อมเชื่อมประโยคด้วยคำเชื่อมที่เหมาะสม เช่น "because" หรือ "so" และจำกัดความยาวไม่เกิน 3 ประโยค

範例: I don’t find it difficult to learn to swim. I had plenty of practice because I grew up near a pool and a river, so I learned by practicing regularly with family members. With proper lessons and practice, most people can learn it fairly quickly.

建議: ใช้ประโยคที่เป็นธรรมชาติและถูกไวยากรณ์ ระบุสถานที่หลักและเหตุผลให้ชัดเจน ใช้คำเชื่อมเพื่อเชื่อมเหตุผล เช่น "because" หรือ "so" และใช้คำศัพท์ที่เหมาะสม เช่น "public pools" หรือ "beaches" แก้การใช้คำไม่ถูกต้อง เช่น "the society and high standardise" ให้เป็น "clean and safe"

範例: In Thailand, most people prefer public swimming pools, especially on weekends, because they are clean and safe. Some people also go to beaches or rivers for relaxation, but pools are more popular for regular practice and family outings.

建議: ตอบให้ชัดเจนโดยเปรียบเทียบจุดแตกต่างหลัก ๆ สองถึงสามข้อ เช่น ความเค็มของน้ำ ความปลอดภัย และสภาพแวดล้อม ใช้คำเชื่อมเพื่อเรียงลำดับความคิด เช่น "Firstly", "Secondly", "Finally" และหลีกเลี่ยงคำไม่ชัดเจนหรือคำพูดวกไปวนมา

範例: There are several differences. Firstly, seawater is salty while pool water is treated and fresh. Secondly, the sea has waves and currents, so it can be more dangerous, whereas pools are calmer and safer for practice. Finally, the sea feels more natural and spacious, but pools are easier to control in terms of temperature and cleanliness.

× I am a person that a big fan of swimming because of when I was young.

✓ I am a person who is a big fan of swimming because of when I was young.

The relative pronoun 'that' is less appropriate for people; use 'who'. Also the sentence needed the verb 'is' after 'who' to link subject and complement. Suggestion: use 'who is' when describing people and include a clear reason clause, for example 'because I have liked it since I was young.'

× My office mother has a swimming pool and then I spent a most of time to exercise and swimming in the pool.

✓ My mother at the office has a swimming pool, and I spent most of my time exercising and swimming in the pool.

Word order and article use were wrong: 'office mother' should be 'my mother at the office' or simply 'my mother worked at an office'. 'a most of time' is incorrect; use 'most of my time'. Use gerund 'exercising' rather than 'to exercise and swimming' and keep parallel form 'exercising and swimming.'

× For me, it's, it's not difficult and can learn by yourselves because of, I haven't told you already that, uh, my, my mother office has a swimming pool and then my house father has a river and then I can pick.

✓ For me, it's not difficult and you can learn by yourself because, like I said, my mother at the office has a swimming pool and my family house is near a river, so I could practice there.

Pronoun and modal use: 'can learn by yourselves' should match singular/plural audience; 'by yourself' is clearer for one listener. 'Because of' is misused; use 'because' or 'like I said'. Also sentence structure was run-on; break into clauses. Use consistent subjects and correct noun phrases: 'my mother at the office' and 'my family house' or 'my house' near a river.

× For Thais people, we usually select the swimming pool to practice about swimming and go swimming in the weekend because it is a place that the society and high standardise for swim to.

✓ Thai people usually choose swimming pools to practice and go swimming on the weekend because they are socially acceptable and have higher standards for swimming.

Use the correct demonym 'Thai people' not 'Thais people'. 'Select' is formal; 'choose' is natural. Preposition 'on the weekend' is correct in this context. The clause 'a place that the society and high standardise for swim to' was ungrammatical; clarify meaning: 'socially acceptable' and 'have higher standards'.

× I just guess that have a many factor that, uh, different between swimming in the pool and the sea from the pool.

✓ I think there are many factors that make swimming in a pool different from swimming in the sea.

Sentence lacked a clear subject and verb: use 'I think there are many factors'. 'Have a many factor' is wrong; use 'there are many factors'. Use 'make ... different' to express cause. Use parallel noun phrases 'swimming in a pool' and 'swimming in the sea.'

× It is about the taste of the water because of the pool can adjust with the temperature.

✓ It is about the taste and temperature of the water because the pool can be controlled and the temperature adjusted.

'Taste of the water' is acceptable but 'because of the pool can adjust with the temperature' is ungrammatical. Use 'because the pool's conditions can be controlled' or 'because the pool's temperature can be adjusted.' Use passive 'can be adjusted' or active 'they can adjust' with correct subject.

× Uh, so and other sunit sunny.

✓ Also, the pool is usually sunny and sheltered, unlike the sea.

Original fragment 'other sunit sunny' is unintelligible. Clarify intended meaning: perhaps 'sunniest' or 'sunny' conditions. Provide corrected adjective order and a complete clause. Use clear comparative words like 'unlike' to contrast with the sea.