老师— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Focus on a clear, concise topic sentence naming the teacher, give two specific supporting details, use correct grammar and simpler vocabulary, and keep to 3–4 sentences. Use linking words (for example, “she also” or “in addition”) to connect ideas and avoid irrelevant phrases.

範例: My favourite teacher was my high school math teacher, Lindsay Lytton. She used creative methods to explain difficult concepts and often used humour to make lessons enjoyable. Because of her clear explanations and patience, I understood math much better and felt more confident in class.

建議: Answer directly with a simple yes/no topic sentence, then give one or two specific ways you keep in touch. Avoid irrelevant words and incorrect pronouns; keep sentences grammatically correct and coherent with linking words like “we” and “through”.

範例: Yes, I am still in touch with my primary school teacher, Mrs. Lindsey. We communicate regularly by email and video calls, and she sometimes gives me advice about studies. Because we share ideas often, our relationship remains close.

建議: Start with a clear topic sentence stating how she helped, then give two concrete examples of help (teaching methods, real-life applications). Remove fillers like “umm” and irrelevant references (cryptocurrency, gambling) unless directly relevant. Use linking words such as “for example” or “for instance.”

範例: She helped me by making abstract math concepts practical and easy to understand. For example, she taught me how to use graphs to solve real problems and showed how statistics apply to everyday decisions. As a result, I became more confident solving math problems independently.

建議: Give a direct answer (yes/no or current status) in the first sentence, then briefly explain your current role and future plans with specific examples of methods you will use. Avoid unclear vocabulary and incorrect expressions; use simpler, accurate phrases like “I currently teach” or “I plan to use interactive activities.”

範例: I am a teacher at the moment, and I tutor students to improve their exam scores. In the future, I plan to continue teaching and use more interactive methods, such as group projects and digital tools, to make lessons more engaging.

× Form a very specific teacher who taught me mathematics and by the name of Lindsay Lytton the name sort of resembled the one in the movie mean girl and not only easy for this tribunal and determined her methodology is verging on the innovative and creative side and she would always crack jokes to lighten up the mood and make every single.

✓ I have a specific favourite teacher who taught me mathematics; her name is Lindsay Lytton, which reminded me of a name from the movie Mean Girls. She was not only strict and determined but also had an innovative and creative methodology, and she would always crack jokes to lighten the mood.

The original sentence is a run-on with missing connectors and unclear phrases. This is a sentence structure error (26). To correct it, split into clear clauses, use appropriate relative clauses ('whose name is' or 'her name is'), fix vocabulary ('mean girl' -> 'Mean Girls' as a title) and provide parallel structure ('not only... but also'). Suggestions: break long ideas into shorter sentences, use conjunctions correctly, and maintain consistent subject references.

× Cryptocurrency art classes and Mr. Lindsey, she would always keep in contact with me through exchanges and correspondence and face to face taught online sessions.

✓ Mr. Lindsey always kept in contact with me through exchanges, correspondence, and face-to-face or online sessions.

The original mixes unrelated words ('Cryptocurrency art classes') and uses redundant pronouns ('Mr. Lindsey, she'). This is an incorrect pronoun use (12) and sentence structure issue. Use one clear subject and correct pronoun gender if needed (Mr. implies male so 'he'). Also remove irrelevant words and use consistent verb tense. Suggestion: identify the subject first, then list contact methods with parallel structure.

× So me and her we exchanged a lot of ideas, information with each other so I cannot become elusive to her even if I'm ever desire and want to.

✓ She and I exchanged a lot of ideas and information, so I could never be distant from her even if I wanted to.

Problems: incorrect pronoun order and form ('me and her' should be 'she and I'), redundant use of 'we' and 'with each other', and awkward modal/tense ('cannot become elusive to her even if I'm ever desire and want to'). This is incorrect pronoun use (12) and sentence structure (26). Use subject pronouns for subjects, correct word order, and simplify modal expressions. Suggestion: use 'she and I' for subjects and 'could never be distant' for the intended meaning.

× I'm not only to see she umm, try to deliver the lessons and inspired me every step of the way.

✓ Not only did she try to deliver the lessons well, but she also inspired me every step of the way.

The original mixes present and past forms incorrectly and has awkward phrasing ('I'm not only to see she...'). This is a tense issue (6) and sentence structure error. Use past tense consistently to describe past actions ('did she try', 'she inspired') and proper correlative conjunctions ('not only... but also'). Suggestion: use clear past tense forms and correct correlative pairing.

× she is also ahead of the curve in terms of umm, applying mathematics and and the art of umm, graph drawing and umm figures manipulation in every single aspect of life.

✓ She was also ahead of the curve in applying mathematics and the art of graph drawing and figure manipulation to many aspects of life.

Problems: tense mismatch (she is -> she was) and awkward preposition use ('in terms of applying' and 'in every single aspect of life'). This falls under incorrect prepositions (11) and present tense issue (6). Use 'in applying' or simply 'applying' and 'to many aspects of life'. Also remove repeated words and filler. Suggestion: use consistent past tense and concise prepositional phrases.

× Umm, from counting cars in uh, playing pocket or blackjack to umm, trading different cryptocurrency onset.

✓ For example, from counting cars while playing card games like poker or blackjack to trading different cryptocurrencies.

The sentence is fragmented and contains incorrect vocabulary ('pocket' should be 'poker', 'cryptocurrency onset' is incorrect). This is a sentence structure error (26). Correct by giving clear examples and using accurate terms. Suggestion: replace fillers with precise words and ensure parallel structure for the list.

× I'm actually one right now.

✓ I'm actually a teacher right now.

Original is unclear and omits the noun; 'one' is vague. This may be considered a third person singular issue (2) incorrectly tagged but primarily a sentence clarity/word choice problem. Provide the noun for clarity: 'a teacher'. Suggestion: use the specific noun rather than 'one' to avoid ambiguity.

× I'm an oil strainer whom has lent my helping hand to actually try a lot of students to reach the desirable aisles scores.

✓ I'm a tutor who has lent a helping hand to many students to help them reach their desired scores.

Multiple errors: wrong noun 'oil strainer', wrong relative pronoun 'whom' instead of 'who', and awkward phrasing ('desirable aisles scores'). This is incorrect pronoun use (12) and word choice issues. Use 'who' for subjects, choose correct nouns ('tutor'), and use 'desired scores'. Suggestion: use correct relative pronoun and clear nouns.

× And in the future, I will continue this pedagogical expertise on my trying to nurture my passion for teaching and even adopt new teaching methodology and techniques to make my lessons more engaging.

✓ In the future, I will continue this pedagogical work to nurture my passion for teaching and adopt new teaching methodologies and techniques to make my lessons more engaging.

Problems: awkward phrasing ('continue this pedagogical expertise on my trying'), article and noun form errors ('methodology' -> 'methodologies' optional), and word choice. This is a future tense issue (7) and sentence structure problem. Use concise future tense ('I will continue... to nurture') and correct pluralization for countable nouns if listing multiple methods. Suggestion: simplify phrasing and use parallel verbs after 'will'.