网络— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan gunakan kalimat yang lebih alami serta efektif. Hindari pengulangan dan gunakan linking words untuk membuat jawaban lebih koheren.

範例: I started using the internet when I was in elementary school because my older sister taught me how to use it. At that time, I mainly used Facebook and enjoyed playing many games on the platform.

建議: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan kejelasan kalimat. Gunakan linking words untuk menjelaskan alasan dan durasi dengan lebih jelas dan alami.

範例: I go online very often nowadays because my work requires me to communicate with clients, customers, and employees. In fact, I spend up to nine hours online every day.

建議: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan gunakan kalimat yang lebih alami. Gunakan linking words untuk menjelaskan alasan dan efeknya secara lebih jelas.

範例: Yes, when I was a child, my parents often turned off the internet because they thought playing games was a waste of time. This helped me focus more on my studies instead of getting distracted.

建議: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan gunakan kalimat yang lebih alami dan jelas. Tambahkan linking words untuk menjelaskan alasan dengan lebih baik.

範例: I don't think I spend too much time online because I manage my time well and avoid losing track of it. Moreover, I use the internet mainly for productive tasks related to my work and personal life.

建議: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan gunakan kalimat yang lebih alami dan efektif. Gunakan linking words untuk membuat jawaban lebih koheren dan spesifik.

範例: Without the internet, I would play chess, hang out with my friends, talk with my mom, or play with my dogs at home. I find it refreshing because staying away from the internet helps me feel more alive and less focused on gadgets.

× I start using Internet since I was in elementary school.

✓ I have been using the Internet since I was in elementary school.

The sentence describes an action that started in the past and continues to the present, so the present perfect tense 'have been using' is appropriate instead of simple present 'start using'. Also, 'Internet' should be preceded by 'the'.

× My big sister just tell me how to use it.

✓ My big sister just told me how to use it.

The verb 'tell' should be in past tense 'told' to match the past time context indicated by 'just'. Also, 'just' here implies a past action, so past tense is required.

× And for social media that I use is Facebook.

✓ And the social media that I use is Facebook.

The phrase 'for social media that I use' is awkward; adding 'the' clarifies the subject. 'Social media' is treated as singular here referring to a platform.

× I play a lot of Facebook game before.

✓ I played a lot of Facebook games before.

'Game' should be plural 'games' because 'a lot of' refers to multiple items. Also, past tense 'played' is appropriate because of 'before'.

× Right now it's very often because my world needs me to online and talk with client or customer or with the employee in my business so I can call it until 9 hours birthday.

✓ Right now I go online very often because my work needs me to be online and talk with clients, customers, or employees in my business, so I can do it for up to 9 hours a day.

'My world' should be 'my work'. 'Needs me to online' is incorrect; it should be 'needs me to be online'. 'Client or customer or with the employee' should be plural and parallel: 'clients, customers, or employees'. 'Call it until 9 hours birthday' is unclear; corrected to 'do it for up to 9 hours a day'.

× Yes, when I still a kid because playing game is very wasting time and sometimes we lost track of time sometimes.

✓ Yes, when I was still a kid because playing games was very time-wasting and sometimes we lost track of time.

'I still a kid' should be 'I was still a kid'. 'Playing game' should be plural 'playing games'. 'Very wasting time' is incorrect; 'very time-wasting' or 'a waste of time' is correct. Removed redundant 'sometimes'.

× My parents often turn off the Internet so I can focus on my study rather than playing games on Internet.

✓ My parents often turn off the Internet so I can focus on my studies rather than playing games on the Internet.

'Study' should be plural 'studies' when referring to academic work. 'On Internet' should be 'on the Internet' with the definite article.

× Right now I don't think so because I miss my time properly so I don't lose track of time on the Internet.

✓ Right now I don't think so because I manage my time properly so I don't lose track of time on the Internet.

'Miss my time properly' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'manage my time properly'.

× Besides, I do productive task for my work and for my life.

✓ Besides, I do productive tasks for my work and for my life.

'Task' should be plural 'tasks' because 'productive' implies multiple activities.

× What I do without the Internet is only chess, hanging on around with my friends, talking with my mom, or playing with my dogs if I am at home.

✓ Without the Internet, I only play chess, hang around with my friends, talk with my mom, or play with my dogs if I am at home.

The sentence structure is awkward; rephrased for clarity and parallelism in verb forms.

× It's very refreshing because if we stay away from Internet, we can feel more alive, not just focusing on our gadgets.

✓ It's very refreshing because if we stay away from the Internet, we can feel more alive, not just focus on our gadgets.

'From Internet' should be 'from the Internet' with the definite article. 'Not just focusing' should be 'not just focus' to maintain parallel verb form.