自行车— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details (appearance, where you rode it, a short memory). Use linking words to make it coherent and limit to 3–4 sentences. Also replace vague phrases like “like” and “in my society” with clearer expressions such as “around my neighborhood.”

範例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. It was a small pink bicycle decorated with flower stickers, and I rode it every day around my neighborhood. I remember feeling free exploring the park near my house, which made me love cycling from an early age.

建議: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with two specific reasons and an example. Avoid fillers (“you know”, “like”) and awkward phrases (“as per”). Use linking words such as “however” and “recently” to show contrast and sequence. Keep it to 3–4 sentences.

範例: I think bicycle use has declined overall, but it is becoming more popular again. However, during the 2000s most people preferred motorbikes and cars. Recently, many people have taken up cycling for exercise and commuting, and cycling clubs and bike lanes in cities have encouraged this trend.

× It was like a pink colored bicycle that had like cute stickers on it and I loved riding it every day to my society, in my society actually.

✓ It was a pink-colored bicycle that had cute stickers on it and I loved riding it every day around my neighborhood.

Usage of present participle not directly the issue here; primary problems are redundancy and awkward phrase 'to my society'. 'Pink colored' should be hyphenated as 'pink-colored' (compound adjective). 'Like' is overused and informal; remove it. 'To my society' is not natural English—use 'around my neighborhood'. Also streamline repetition 'in my society actually.' Suggestion: remove filler words and use natural collocations.

× And it was like a cute little pink bike that I could just enjoy and ride away and just I would love roaming around it.

✓ It was a cute little pink bike that I could enjoy and ride, and I loved roaming around on it.

Problems include incorrect verb patterns and preposition use. 'Roaming around it' is incorrect; use 'roaming around on it' to indicate being on the bike. 'I could just enjoy and ride away and just I would love' is redundant and ungrammatical. Simplify to 'I could enjoy and ride' or 'I loved roaming around on it.' Remove unnecessary fillers 'like' and 'just.'

× Well, in my childhood I think bikes were more popular, but now in recent times there was a time period when nobody was using a bicycle as per.

✓ Well, in my childhood I think bikes were more popular, but recently there was a period when few people used bicycles.

Mixing tenses and awkward phrasing 'as per' cause confusion. Keep past reference 'in my childhood' and then use 'recently' or 'there was a period' with past simple: 'few people used.' 'Nobody' is too strong if not accurate; 'few people' is safer. Remove 'as per' which is incorrect here.

× But recently I've seen that people are trying to, you know, incorporate it into like exercising form and they are now into cycling and people have the cycling clubs as well and those are super good.

✓ But recently I've seen people try to incorporate cycling as a form of exercise; they are now into cycling, and there are cycling clubs that are quite popular.

Several tense and style issues: use 'try to' rather than 'are trying to' for general observation after 'I've seen'; avoid filler phrases 'you know' and 'like.' 'Incorporate it into exercising form' is incorrect collocation—use 'incorporate cycling as a form of exercise.' 'People have the cycling clubs as well' is awkward; say 'there are cycling clubs.' Replace 'super good' with 'quite popular' or 'very popular' for natural English.