自行车— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence answering the question, avoid uncertainty and filler words, and give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Keep it under five sentences. Also correct small grammar issues (e.g., "in red" not "in red color").

範例: No, I didn’t have a bike as a small child. I only got my first bike at 17 — a red Pulsar 135 — which I loved because it was fast and looked sporty. Since then I’ve used it for commuting and short trips around town.

建議: Answer directly, then support with specific, organized reasons using linking words. Reduce hesitation words and repetitive phrases. Use clearer examples or statistics if possible, and limit to up to five sentences. Improve coherence by using connectors such as 'for example', 'also', 'because'.

範例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. For example, many of my friends — about ten or twelve — own different models and often compare features. Also, people frequently talk about new models, engine performance and prices, which shows strong interest in motorcycles.

× When I was a child, I'm not sure if I had a bike or not because I got a bike when I was 17.

✓ When I was a child, I was not sure if I had a bike because I got a bike when I was 17.

The sentence mixes past narrative with a present tense contraction 'I'm not sure'. Use past tense 'I was not sure' to match the time frame of 'When I was a child' and 'I got a bike when I was 17'. Suggest using consistent past tense for events and states in the past.

× So I'm not sure, uh, what are you going to consider if I'm a child or not?

✓ So I was not sure what would be considered a child age.

The original is awkward and mixes direct question form with reported thought. As the student is reporting their doubt in the past, use a past reporting structure: 'I was not sure what would be considered a child age' or 'I was not sure whether I would be considered a child.' This corrects sentence structure and tense consistency.

× But when I was 17, I got a bike and it was Pulsar 135 in red color.

✓ But when I was 17, I got a bike; it was a red Pulsar 135.

Minor grammar and word order: use article 'a' before the model and place adjective before noun: 'a red Pulsar 135.' Also combine clauses with appropriate punctuation. Tense remains past.

× That was my favorite color at that time.

✓ That was my favorite color then.

'At that time' is acceptable but wordier; 'then' is more natural in spoken past narrative. No tense change needed; this simplifies sentence structure.

× And yeah, and.

✓ And yeah.

Fragment 'and' repeated creates an incomplete sentence. Remove the extra 'and' to form a natural spoken phrase or complete the thought with additional information.

× I believe uh, bikes are very popular in my country because I had like 10 or 12 friends, everyone having a different bike, I would say and they're like very happy always discussing about bikes and wherever I'm going, it's like I'm listening.

✓ I believe bikes are very popular in my country because I had about ten or twelve friends and each had a different bike; they were always happy discussing bikes, and wherever I went someone was talking about bikes.

Multiple tense and structure issues: mix of present 'are' with past 'had' is acceptable when stating a general present belief supported by past examples, but the original uses inconsistent forms like 'everyone having' and 'they're like very happy always discussing about bikes' and 'wherever I'm going'. Correct to clearer forms: use 'about ten or twelve' (quantifier), 'each had' or 'each has' depending on intended time frame (past examples), 'were always happy discussing bikes' (correct adverb placement), and 'wherever I went someone was talking' to keep past narrative consistent. Remove unnecessary 'about' after 'discussing'.

× they're like very happy always discussing about bikes and wherever I'm going, it's like I'm listening.

✓ they were always happy discussing bikes, and wherever I went, I would hear someone talking about bikes.

The verb 'discuss' does not require the preposition 'about' when followed by the object: 'discussing bikes' is correct. Also correct adverb placement: 'always happy' before 'discussing'. Change 'I'm going' to 'I went' for past narrative and rephrase 'it's like I'm listening' to 'I would hear' for clarity and correctness.

× That's there is someone who is talking about the bikes, about the latest one, about the old one, about the engine.

✓ There was always someone talking about bikes — the latest models, older ones, or the engines.

Original has redundancy and incorrect structure 'That's there is'. Use 'There was always someone...' for past narrative. Simplify repeated 'about' by listing topics: 'the latest models, older ones, or the engines.' This fixes sentence structure and makes it natural.

× So I would.

✓ So I would say so.

Fragment 'So I would.' is incomplete. A natural completion is 'So I would say so' or 'So I would agree.' Provide a verb to complete the thought.