自行车— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise, correct grammar and avoid filler words (umm). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Fix tense and phrasing (e.g., “I was given a bicycle by my grandfather”).

範例: Yes. I was given a bicycle by my grandfather when I was seven, and I remember feeling very excited. For example, I rode it every afternoon around my neighborhood, and learning to balance on it was a proud moment for me.

建議: Answer directly, correct word choice and grammar (e.g., “bicycles” not “vicar groups”), and avoid contradictions. Use linking words to organize reasons and give one specific example. Replace vague phrases like “so expensive” with precise explanations (e.g., public transport costs or convenience).

範例: Yes, bicycles are very popular in Japan. Firstly, many people find them convenient for short journeys, and secondly they are economical compared with frequent public transport. For example, I often see students and office workers cycling to school or to train stations every morning.

× I was given my own bicycle for as the as they present from my grandfather and UMM.

✓ I was given my own bicycle as a present by my grandfather.

The original sentence has incorrect word order and extra words ('for as the as they') that do not belong. Use the past participle 'given' correctly in passive voice with 'by' to indicate the giver. Also use 'as a present' (or 'as a gift') and remove filler words like 'they' and 'UMM'. Suggestion: 'I was given my own bicycle as a present by my grandfather.'

× I remember the first time I got my umm bicycle because it it was so exciting.

✓ I remember the first time I got my bicycle because it was so exciting.

The problem is repetition ('it it') and filler 'umm'. Remove the duplicate word and unnecessary filler. 'Got' is past tense and matches 'remember the first time'. Keep the sentence concise: 'I remember the first time I got my bicycle because it was so exciting.'

× And I think vicar groups are very popular in Japan.

✓ I think bicycle groups are very popular in Japan.

The original contains a likely mispronunciation or typo 'vicar' instead of 'bicycle' and an unnecessary leading conjunction 'And'. Correct the noun to 'bicycle' and start directly with 'I think'. Ensure word choice matches meaning.

× Many older people prefer using them regularly, and a lot of students and workers commute by bike because it's so expensive.

✓ Many older people prefer using them regularly, and a lot of students and workers commute by bike because it's inexpensive.

The clause 'because it's so expensive' contradicts the idea that people commute by bike; likely intended meaning is that other transport is expensive, so bikes are inexpensive or cheap to use. Use 'inexpensive' instead of 'expensive'. Also keep present simple tense for habitual actions. If intended meaning was 'because it's cheap', use 'because it's inexpensive.'

× It's so convenient and in inexpensive.

✓ It's so convenient and inexpensive.

The phrase 'in inexpensive' is incorrect because 'in' is an extraneous preposition. Remove 'in' and coordinate adjectives: 'convenient and inexpensive.'

× For example, I often see people running to school or to work.

✓ For example, I often see people riding bikes to school or to work.

'Running to school or to work' suggests they are on foot, which contradicts context about bikes. Use 'riding bikes' or 'cycling' to match the topic. Present simple 'I often see' is correct for habitual observations.