学习— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Cải thiện tính tự nhiên và ngữ pháp: Tránh lặp từ và sửa lỗi giới từ/đặt từ (ví dụ: "majoring in" chứ không phải "majoring on/in science trades"). Nói ngắn gọn, trực tiếp với một câu chủ đề rồi thêm một hoặc hai chi tiết hỗ trợ. Lưu ý phát âm tên riêng (Harvard) và tránh ngập ngừng.

範例: I'm currently a student at Harvard High School, where I major in science. I chose this field because I enjoy experiments and learning about how things work.

建議: Sửa lỗi thông tin mâu thuẫn và cấu trúc câu: tránh đưa thông tin khác nhau (Harvard vs Hobbes). Trả lời trực tiếp tên trường rồi bổ sung vị trí/điểm nổi bật. Dùng một câu chủ đề rõ ràng, sau đó thêm 1-2 chi tiết bằng liên từ để mạch lạc.

範例: I study at Harvard High School in Dallas. It's well known in the city for its strong science programs and good facilities.

建議: Giảm tiếng lấp đầy (uh, well) và sửa ngữ pháp cũng như collocation ("strong in science subjects", "well-planned environment"). Trình bày ý chính rõ ràng rồi mở rộng bằng ví dụ cụ thể (cơ sở vật chất, giáo viên, chương trình).

範例: Yes, it's a great place to study. The school has excellent science labs and experienced teachers, which help students learn and do experiments effectively.

建議: Nói rõ ràng ý muốn thay đổi với ngôn ngữ tự nhiên: dùng cấu trúc điều ước/khả năng (e.g. "I would like the school to..."), tránh lặp và sửa lỗi collocation ("plant more trees", "a nicer break area"). Thêm lý do cụ thể cho từng thay đổi để tăng tính thuyết phục.

範例: Yes, I would like the school to be renovated and have a more modern layout, because that would improve learning spaces. I would also like them to plant more trees so students can relax in a greener courtyard during breaks.

建議: Giữ câu mục tiêu rõ ràng và phát triển bằng chi tiết cụ thể: dùng thì và cấu trúc chắc chắn ("I plan to become a scientist and specialize in space research"). Giải thích các bước cụ thể (ví dụ: đại học, nghiên cứu, kỹ năng cần thiết) để câu trả lời chi tiết và thuyết phục hơn. Tránh lặp và tiếng ngập ngừng.

範例: I plan to pursue a degree in physics and then specialize in aerospace research. My goal is to work at NASA studying space exploration, so I will focus on getting research experience and strong math and programming skills.

× Well I'm currently a student and I study at Harvard High School and I'm majoring. I am majoring on in science trades.

✓ Well, I'm currently a student and I study at Harvard High School, and I'm majoring in science subjects.

The sentence has incorrect verb patterns and word choice. Use 'major in' followed by the field (not 'majoring on' or 'science trades') and 'science subjects' is more natural. Also remove the redundant 'I'm majoring.' Improve by: use 'majoring in' + noun, keep tense consistent, and correct word choice ('subjects' instead of 'trades').

× Well, I am still studying at Hobbes High School. What is really famous school in Dallas city that is.

✓ Well, I am still studying at Hobbes High School, which is a really famous school in Dallas.

The original sentence misuses 'what' and has incorrect word order for a relative clause. Use 'which is' to add descriptive information and 'a really famous school in Dallas' is the correct noun phrase. Remove extra words like 'city' after Dallas and correct article usage ('a').

× Well, yes, uh, as you know, Harbang High School is the well known school in Dallas city.

✓ Well, yes, as you know, Harbang High School is a well-known school in Dallas.

Use the indefinite article 'a' with 'well-known school' unless it is uniquely the only one. Hyphenate 'well-known' as a compound adjective and omit 'city' after Dallas. Also avoid unnecessary filler words for clarity.

× It is really, uh, strong in science subject and it's greater, uh, planned environmental.

✓ It is really strong in science subjects and has a well-planned environment.

'Strong in' should be followed by plural 'science subjects'. 'Greater planned environmental' is ungrammatical; use 'well-planned environment' to describe the school's setting. Also use 'has' to link the noun phrase.

× It helps many student, uh, effort in their study.

✓ It helps many students with their studies.

'Student' should be plural 'students' to agree with 'many'. Use the structure 'help someone with something' and pluralize 'study' to 'studies' for natural English.

× Well, yes, my school now is really old. I want in the future the school will turn the, uh, the layout to layout more modern.

✓ Well, yes, my school is really old now. In the future, I want the school to renovate the layout to make it more modern.

The original mixes tenses and word order. Use 'I want the school to' + base verb to express desire for a future change. 'Turn the layout to layout more modern' is incorrect; use 'renovate the layout' or 'make the layout more modern.' Keep time expressions ('now', 'in the future') in appropriate positions.

× And besides us, uh, I also want my school plant more trees to have the, uh, nice break.

✓ Besides that, I also want my school to plant more trees so students can have nicer breaks.

'Besides us' is incorrect; use 'Besides that' or 'Additionally'. The verb 'plant' needs 'to' after 'want' ('want my school to plant'). 'Nice break' is vague; 'nicer breaks' clarifies meaning and matches plural 'students'.

× Well, now I'm still majoring in science subjects. In the future, I will become a scientist to, uh, to, uh, to study in uh, space, uh, and work in NASA.

✓ Well, now I'm majoring in science subjects. In the future, I want to become a scientist to study space and work at NASA.

Use 'want to become' to express future career intention and 'study space' or 'study space science' (not 'study in space' unless meaning to conduct research in outer space). Use 'work at NASA' for correct preposition. Remove filler words and repeated 'to' for clarity.