机器— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Try to avoid redundancy by not repeating similar phrases like 'Moreover' multiple times. Also, focus on clearer sentence structure and grammar, for example, use singular/plural forms correctly and improve clarity by rephrasing awkward expressions such as 'a very quiet large experience'. Use linking words like 'and' or 'which' to connect ideas smoothly.

範例: My favourite machine at home is the PS5 gaming console because it offers efficient performance and many exciting features. It provides an immersive gaming experience, making me feel like I am in a theatre.

建議: Avoid repetition and improve sentence fluency by combining ideas more smoothly. Use linking words like 'because' and 'so' appropriately. Also, try to be more specific by explaining why these machines help working parents, and avoid filler words like 'and they are'.

範例: Yes, washing and sweeping machines are very important because most parents work full-time and feel tired after work. Therefore, these machines help save time and effort, making household chores easier for them.

建議: Focus on clearer grammar and avoid repetition such as 'that that' and 'for for instance'. Use correct expressions like 'accidents can occur' instead of 'mishappening can be occur'. Also, try to use linking words like 'for example' and improve sentence structure for clarity.

範例: Yes, I always read the instructions before using any machine because it is important for safety. For example, some machines should not be used in extreme temperatures, or they might get damaged or cause accidents.

建議: Avoid redundancy by not repeating the same idea twice. Use simpler and clearer sentences. Replace 'mishappening' with 'accidents' or 'problems'. Use linking words like 'because' and 'so' effectively to connect ideas.

範例: Yes, it is very important to read the instructions before using any appliance because ignoring them can cause accidents or damage. Therefore, reading instructions helps ensure safe and proper use.

× Well, there are several machines in my home but my personal favorite is the PS-5 gaming consoles because it is one of the gaming console that is very efficient in gaming.

✓ Well, there are several machines in my home but my personal favorite is the PS-5 gaming console because it is one of the gaming consoles that is very efficient in gaming.

The phrase 'PS-5 gaming consoles' is plural but refers to a single favorite machine, so it should be singular 'console'. Also, 'one of the gaming console' should be plural 'consoles' to agree with 'one of the'. This corrects singular and plural agreement errors.

× Moreover, it has various several features in which I can play the games.

✓ Moreover, it has several features with which I can play games.

The phrase 'various several' is redundant; 'several' alone suffices. Also, 'in which I can play the games' is awkward; 'with which I can play games' is more natural. 'Games' should be plural without 'the' as it refers generally.

× Moreover, it has a very quiet large experience which make me feel that I am using it in a theater.

✓ Moreover, it provides a very quiet and large experience which makes me feel that I am using it in a theater.

'Experience' is singular and should be preceded by 'a'. 'Quiet large' should be 'quiet and large' to connect adjectives properly. The verb 'make' should be 'makes' to agree with singular subject 'experience'.

× Well, definitely washing machines and sweeping machines are way more important as now all the parents are, mostly all the parents are working and they are and they got tired after their work.

✓ Well, definitely washing machines and sweeping machines are way more important as now most parents are working and they get tired after their work.

'Mostly all the parents are working' is redundant; 'most parents are working' is clearer. 'They are and they got tired' is incorrect; 'they get tired' is correct present tense. 'Got' is past tense and inconsistent here.

× So washing machines and sweeping machines will be a boon for these kind of working parents.

✓ So washing machines and sweeping machines will be a boon for these kinds of working parents.

The phrase 'these kind of' should be 'these kinds of' to agree in number with plural 'parents'. This is a quantifier issue related to modal verb usage context.

× Well, it is a consumer right to read the information that that is being written on the machine because if we don't properly read the instructions, any mishappening can be occur.

✓ Well, it is a consumer right to read the information that is written on the machine because if we don't properly read the instructions, any mishap can occur.

'Any mishappening can be occur' is incorrect; 'any mishap can occur' is correct. 'Mishappening' is not commonly used as a noun; 'mishap' is better. 'Can be occur' is wrong modal verb + verb form; 'can occur' is correct.

× For for instance, if the if the machine is not used in a extreme temperature, we cannot use it otherwise it got blast.

✓ For instance, if the machine is not used at an extreme temperature, we cannot use it; otherwise, it might explode.

'In a extreme temperature' should be 'at an extreme temperature' for correct preposition and article use. 'Got blast' is incorrect; 'might explode' is a better expression. Also, repeated 'for' and 'if the' removed.

× So I every time read the instruction before using any appliance.

✓ So I always read the instructions before using any appliance.

'I every time read' is awkward; 'I always read' is correct present tense usage. 'Instruction' should be plural 'instructions' as usually multiple instructions are given.

× Yes, it is very important to read the instructions while before using an appliance because if we do not properly carefully look at the instructions that were mentioned on the machine, it can cause any mishappening.

✓ Yes, it is very important to read the instructions before using an appliance because if we do not carefully look at the instructions mentioned on the machine, it can cause mishaps.

'While before' is redundant; only 'before' is needed. 'Properly carefully' is redundant; 'carefully' suffices. 'That were mentioned' can be simplified to 'mentioned'. 'Any mishappening' is incorrect; 'mishaps' is better.

× So it is very important to look at the instructions before using any machine.

✓ So it is very important to look at the instructions before using any machine.

This sentence is correct and needs no correction.