写作— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Та илүү тодорхой, шууд хариулт өгч, илүү цэгцтэй, товч хариулт өгнө үү. Илүү байгалийн хэллэг ашиглаж, үг давтахгүй байх хэрэгтэй.

範例: It depends on my mood. If I have a bad day, I like to write a lot to express my feelings, but on good days, I usually don't write much.

建議: Хариултаа илүү тодорхой, логик холбоотой болгох хэрэгтэй. Тодорхой шалтгаан, жишээ оруулах нь илүү үр дүнтэй.

範例: I like to write personal thoughts and feelings because it helps me express myself freely without fear of judgment.

建議: Хариултаа илүү тодорхой, ойлгомжтой болгож, холбоос үг ашиглан логик дараалал үүсгээрэй.

範例: I don't think what I write will change much now, but since my feelings often change, I might write a book about my life in the future.

建議: Хариултаа илүү товч, тодорхой болгож, холбоос үг ашиглан дэмжих мэдээлэл оруулна уу.

範例: I prefer handwriting because I have good writing skills. Since middle school, my teachers often praised my handwriting.

建議: Хариултаа илүү цэгцтэй, ойлгомжтой болгож, үг давталт багатай, холбоос үг ашиглан логик дараалал үүсгээрэй.

範例: I used to write in my diary often in high school, but now I rarely do because of my busy schedule.

建議: Хариултаа илүү товч, тодорхой, байгалийн хэллэгээр илэрхийлж, үг давталт багатай болгоорой.

範例: I use my Instagram account to record my life because it archives my daily activities with dates and times, which is very convenient.

× if If I had a good day, I usually not want want to write

✓ If I had a good day, I usually do not want to write

The sentence incorrectly uses 'usually not want want' which is not proper past tense or auxiliary verb usage. The correct form is 'usually do not want' to express habitual action in the present tense. The repetition of 'want' is also an error.

× but if I had a bad thing and something bad happened in my life then I suddenly grab a note and pen and write a lot of.

✓ but if something bad happened in my life, then I suddenly grab a note and pen and write a lot.

The phrase 'had a bad thing' is awkward and incorrect; 'something bad happened' is better. Also, 'grab' should be in present tense to match the narrative style. The sentence ends abruptly with 'write a lot of' which is incomplete; 'write a lot' is correct.

× While I I'm writing it means I expressing myself to someone.

✓ While I'm writing, it means I am expressing myself to someone.

The sentence lacks the auxiliary verb 'am' before 'expressing' to form the present continuous tense. Also, a comma after 'writing' improves clarity.

× I feel like that and after that no one will judge me and no one will send me some advice without any judgment and just expressing myself.

✓ I feel like that, and after that, no one will judge me or give me advice without any judgment; I am just expressing myself.

The phrase 'send me some advice' is incorrect; 'give me advice' is the proper collocation. Also, the sentence structure is improved by adding commas and conjunctions for clarity.

× Currently I don't think so, but it depends on my feelings.

✓ Currently, I don't think so, but it depends on my feelings.

A comma after 'Currently' improves sentence clarity.

× Umm usually how many feelings are always exchanging.

✓ Umm, usually my feelings are always changing.

The phrase 'how many feelings are always exchanging' is incorrect. 'My feelings are always changing' correctly expresses the intended meaning in present continuous tense.

× So I might write a book about my life I think.

✓ So I might write a book about my life, I think.

A comma before 'I think' improves sentence clarity. The modal verb 'might' is correctly used for future possibility.

× I prefer handwriting simply because I had a very good skill at writing.

✓ I prefer handwriting simply because I have very good writing skills.

The past tense 'had' is incorrect here; the present tense 'have' is appropriate since the skill is current. Also, 'a very good skill at writing' is awkward; 'very good writing skills' is better.

× Since I was at a middle school, I always gave a lot of praise from my teachers.

✓ Since I was in middle school, I always received a lot of praise from my teachers.

The preposition 'at' should be 'in' for 'middle school'. Also, 'gave a lot of praise' is incorrect; the student should be the receiver, so 'received a lot of praise' is correct.

× When I was at a high school I often trying to write in my Diaries,

✓ When I was in high school, I often tried to write in my diaries,

The phrase 'often trying' is incorrect; it should be 'often tried' to indicate past habitual action. Also, 'at a high school' should be 'in high school'. 'Diaries' should not be capitalized.

× but now I actually don't give give that of much at writing at my Diaries.

✓ but now I actually don't give much attention to writing in my diaries.

The phrase 'give give that of much at writing at my Diaries' is incorrect and awkward. The correct expression is 'give much attention to writing in my diaries'. Also, 'Diaries' should be lowercase.

× Might it depends on my time schedule.

✓ It might depend on my time schedule.

The modal verb 'might' should be followed by the base verb 'depend', not 'depends'. Also, the sentence structure is corrected by placing 'It' as the subject.

× My Instagram account had a lot of archive about my life and that shows what day and exactly what time that that happened and that is very grateful.

✓ My Instagram account has a lot of archives about my life, and it shows the exact day and time when things happened, which I am very grateful for.

'Had' should be 'has' for present tense. 'Archive' should be plural 'archives'. The sentence is restructured for clarity and correctness. 'That is very grateful' is incorrect; the person is grateful, so 'I am very grateful for that' is correct.

× Yeah, in this generation we are all use Instagram for data recording our live.

✓ Yeah, in this generation, we all use Instagram to record our lives.

The phrase 'we are all use' is incorrect; it should be 'we all use'. 'Data recording our live' is awkward; 'to record our lives' is correct. Also, a comma after 'generation' improves clarity.