家乡— Part 1 評分報告

建議: 回答に多くの「あの」「ええと」などのフィラーが含まれており、流暢さを妨げています。また、文が長くなりすぎており、情報が混在しています。質問に直接答えた後、簡潔に補足情報を述べる練習をしましょう。

範例: My hometown is Nagasaki Prefecture, a rural area in Japan. It is internationally known because the US dropped an atomic bomb there in 1945.

建議: 回答の最初に接続詞「And」を使うのは不自然です。また、「some churches and industrial areas」という表現は具体性に欠けます。より具体的な例を挙げ、接続詞を適切に使いましょう。

範例: I like Nagasaki because it has many historical sites, such as beautiful old churches and preserved industrial areas. Therefore, it attracts many tourists from abroad.

建議: フィラーが多く、文法的に過去完了形の使い方が不自然です。また、「come back home in Nagasaki」という表現は「come back to Nagasaki」が正しいです。文法と流暢さを改善しましょう。

範例: I lived in Nagasaki for 18 years. When I started university, I moved to Tokyo. However, I return to Nagasaki at least once a year to visit my parents, which is very important to me.

建議: 「Han Nagasaki」という表現は誤りで、「Nagasaki」が正しいです。また、文の構造が不自然で、理由の説明がやや曖昧です。より明確で自然な表現を心がけましょう。

範例: No, I don't think Nagasaki is a good place for young people to live long-term. Although it attracts many tourists, the economy has slowed down, and both the number of companies and the population have decreased over the past ten years.

× the US attacked Nagasaki by using atomic bomb in 1945

✓ the US attacked Nagasaki by using an atomic bomb in 1945

The sentence is missing the indefinite article 'an' before 'atomic bomb'. In English, singular countable nouns usually require an article. Adding 'an' makes the sentence grammatically correct.

× It's like some churches and industrial areas.

✓ There are some churches and industrial areas.

The phrase 'It's like some churches and industrial areas' is incorrect because 'It's' (it is) does not agree with the plural nouns 'churches and industrial areas'. Using 'There are' correctly introduces plural subjects.

× It's very good place to visit.

✓ It's a very good place to visit.

The sentence is missing the indefinite article 'a' before 'very good place'. In English, singular countable nouns require an article. Adding 'a' corrects the sentence structure.

× I had lived there for, uh, 18 years, uh, when I entered the university, I relocated to Tokyo.

✓ I lived there for 18 years. When I entered university, I relocated to Tokyo.

The past perfect tense 'had lived' is unnecessary here because the sequence of past events is clear. Using simple past 'lived' is appropriate. Also, splitting into two sentences improves clarity.

× Uh, but uh, recently, uh, I come back home in Nagasaki at least once a year.

✓ But recently, I have come back home to Nagasaki at least once a year.

The present simple 'come back' is incorrect for an action that has occurred repeatedly up to now. Present perfect 'have come back' is appropriate. Also, 'come back home to Nagasaki' is the correct prepositional phrase.

× I come back home in Nagasaki at least once a year.

✓ I come back home to Nagasaki at least once a year.

The preposition 'in' is incorrect here. The correct preposition to indicate movement towards a place is 'to'.

× Han Nagasaki is very a good area for the tourists, but it's not a good place to live for a long time.

✓ Nagasaki is a very good area for tourists, but it's not a good place to live for a long time.

The word 'Han' seems to be a typo and should be removed. Also, 'very a good' is incorrect word order; it should be 'a very good'. 'The tourists' should be 'tourists' because it refers to tourists in general.

× That's mainly because the economic growth is already slow as the number of the company and the population has decreased in these ten years or so.

✓ That's mainly because economic growth is already slow as the number of companies and the population have decreased in the last ten years or so.

'The economic growth' should be 'economic growth' without 'the' because it is a general concept. 'The company' should be plural 'companies' to match the context. 'Has decreased' should be 'have decreased' to agree with the plural subject 'companies and population'. 'In these ten years' should be 'in the last ten years' for natural expression.