老师— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more natural and specific: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two concrete details (what she did, an example) and avoid grammar errors and redundancy. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and correct verb forms (e.g., "dedicated to teaching," "stayed after class to give extra lessons"). Keep it to 2–4 sentences.

示例: My favourite teacher was my high school English teacher. She was very disciplined and dedicated — for example, she stayed after class every week to help students with writing assignments, which improved my essays considerably.

建议: Clarify who you mean and use correct grammar. Begin with a topic sentence saying whether you are in touch, then give a specific recent example and explain why it matters using linking words (for example, because/so). Avoid vague words like "productive" without context.

示例: Yes, I'm still in touch with my primary school teacher. For instance, I spoke to her last week and we exchanged personal updates; she also gave me career advice that helped me decide which university subjects to choose.

建议: Answer directly with clear tense and singular/plural consistency. Start with a topic sentence describing specific ways she helped (academic help, career guidance, personal support), then give 1–2 concrete examples and link ideas (for example, because/so). Avoid vague phrases like "I usually receive the goods."

示例: She helped me in several ways: academically, she gave tailored feedback on my essays which improved my grades; personally, she advised me when I was unsure about career choices, so I felt more confident applying for internships.

建议: Give a clear topic sentence and one or two reasons with concise supporting details and linking words. Correct word choice (e.g., "explain" instead of "explaining and deliberation") and avoid mixed messages — if you refuse being a teacher but might do tutoring, explain that contrast briefly.

示例: No, I don't want to be a teacher because I don't enjoy explaining things to groups and I don't feel confident doing that. However, I might help friends or teach occasional tutoring classes where I can explain one-on-one.

× She dedicates to teaching and always stayed after classes for extra teacher.

✓ She is dedicated to teaching and always stayed after classes to give extra lessons.

Issue: incorrect verb/verb phrase usage. 'dedicates to' is incorrect; use the adjective 'is dedicated to' or 'dedicates herself to'. Also 'for extra teacher' is ungrammatical; context needs an infinitive or noun phrase such as 'to give extra lessons'. Suggestion: use 'is dedicated to' or 'dedicates herself to' and 'to give extra lessons'.

× Yes, actually last week I had a conversation with my primary school and we share our personal updates.

✓ Yes, actually last week I had a conversation with my primary school teacher and we shared our personal updates.

Issue: missing noun after 'primary school' and tense mismatch. You need 'primary school teacher' instead of 'primary school'. Also the sentence refers to a past event ('last week'), so use past tense 'shared' not 'share'. Suggestion: include the noun and keep past tense consistent.

× I always receive some good advice from them, which is very productive.

✓ I always receive good advice from them, which is very helpful.

Issue: pronoun 'them' may be acceptable if plural, but 'productive' is an odd modifier for 'advice'. Use 'helpful'. Also 'some' is unnecessary. Suggestion: remove 'some' and replace 'productive' with 'helpful' for natural phrasing.

× They can help me, both my career paths and my personal lives.

✓ They have helped me with both my career path and my personal life.

Issue: pronoun 'They' referencing a singular teacher is inconsistent; use 'They' only if plural teachers. The original mixes present ability ('can help') with intended past/persistent effect. Use past or present perfect 'have helped'. Also 'career paths' and 'personal lives' should be singular when referring to the student's own life. Suggestion: use consistent pronouns and correct number (singular) for the student's experiences.

× There are very good teachers and always give the best advice for me.

✓ There are very good teachers who always give the best advice to me.

Issue: missing relative pronoun 'who' to connect clause; also preposition 'for me' should be 'to me'. Suggestion: add 'who' and use 'to me' for correct prepositional use.

× I usually receive the goods.

✓ I usually receive good advice.

Issue: 'the goods' is wrong word choice and unclear. Context implies 'advice' so use 'good advice'. Suggestion: use nouns that match context.

× I think I am not good at explaining and deliberation, so I don't want to be a teacher, but I can teach extra classes for them sometimes.

✓ I think I am not good at explaining or giving lectures, so I don't want to be a teacher, but I can teach extra classes for them sometimes.

Issue: 'deliberation' is the wrong noun (means careful consideration). Use 'giving lectures' or 'explaining things'. Also use 'explaining or giving lectures' not 'and' to list skills; ensure parallel structure. 'I can teach extra classes for them sometimes' is acceptable but clarify 'for them' refers to students. Suggestion: replace 'deliberation' with 'giving lectures' or 'presenting' and maintain parallel structure.