生日— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan struktur kalimat agar jawaban lebih alami dan efektif. Gunakan kalimat lengkap dan hindari pengulangan kata yang tidak perlu. Misalnya, gabungkan ide menjadi kalimat yang koheren dan gunakan kata penghubung untuk kelancaran.

示例: On my birthday, I usually spend time praying for my life. After that, I gather my family to celebrate together with a party.

建议: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan gunakan kalimat yang lebih jelas dan terstruktur. Gunakan kata penghubung untuk menghubungkan ide dan hindari kalimat yang terputus-putus agar jawaban lebih mudah dipahami.

示例: When I was young, I always had a party for my birthday. I invited my friends, and we shared snacks, cut the cake, and sang songs together to celebrate.

建议: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan gunakan kalimat yang lebih jelas dan terstruktur. Jelaskan pendapat dengan kalimat yang koheren dan gunakan kata penghubung untuk menghubungkan ide secara logis.

示例: When I was young, I thought birthdays were important. However, as I grew up, I realized that what matters more is my personal progress and how I contribute to society every day, not just celebrating my birthday.

建议: Perjelas jawaban dengan struktur kalimat yang benar dan gunakan kosakata yang sesuai. Jelaskan alasan dengan kalimat yang koheren dan hindari kalimat yang tidak jelas atau terputus-putus.

示例: I think celebrating family members' birthdays is the most important in China. We often make parties, and sometimes we travel together to create memorable experiences for our family.

× When I got birthday.

✓ When I had my birthday.

The verb 'got' is incorrectly used here; the correct past tense verb to indicate possession of a birthday is 'had'. 'Got' is informal and does not fit the context. Use 'had' to express possession or occurrence in the past.

× After it.

✓ After that,

'After it.' is an incomplete sentence fragment. It should be connected properly to the next clause or expanded to form a complete sentence. 'After that,' is a proper transitional phrase to indicate sequence.

× I will. Collect my family.

✓ I will gather my family.

The sentence is fragmented and incorrectly punctuated. 'Collect' is not the best verb here; 'gather' or 'get together with' is more appropriate. Also, the period after 'will' breaks the sentence incorrectly.

× True.

✓ Then,

'True.' is not a proper sentence here and seems to be a mishearing or typo. 'Then,' is a better transitional word to continue the sequence of actions.

× Make a party about my birthday.

✓ make a party for my birthday.

The preposition 'about' is incorrect here; the correct preposition is 'for' to indicate the purpose of the party.

× When I was young, I always make a party for my birthday.

✓ When I was young, I always made a party for my birthday.

The verb 'make' should be in the past tense 'made' to agree with the past time frame 'when I was young'.

× I call it my friends.

✓ I called my friends.

'Call it my friends' is incorrect; the verb 'call' should be in past tense 'called' and the object should be 'my friends' without 'it'.

× An we.

✓ And we

'An' is a typo for 'And'. Also, the sentence fragment should be connected to the next clause.

× Share the snack after it slice the cake.

✓ shared snacks after slicing the cake.

The sentence is fragmented and has tense and subject issues. 'Share' should be past tense 'shared', 'snack' should be plural 'snacks', and 'after it slice the cake' is incorrect; it should be 'after slicing the cake'.

× Anne.

✓ And

'Anne.' seems to be a typo for 'And' to connect the next action.

× Singing together.

✓ we sang together.

'Singing together.' is a fragment; it should be a complete sentence with subject and verb: 'we sang together.'

× When I was young I think birthday is important,

✓ When I was young, I thought birthdays were important,

The verb 'think' should be in past tense 'thought' to match 'when I was young'. Also, 'birthday' should be plural 'birthdays' and 'is' should be 'were' to agree with plural subject in past tense.

× but after I grow up I realize that the important point is how about my progress?

✓ but after I grew up, I realized that the important point is about my progress.

'Grow' and 'realize' should be in past tense 'grew' and 'realized' to match the past time frame. 'How about my progress?' is awkward; 'about my progress' is clearer.

× Not just a birthday, but what I have and what I do to be a useful person everyday.

✓ Not just the birthday, but what I have and what I do to be a useful person every day.

'Everyday' as one word is an adjective; the correct phrase here is 'every day' as two words meaning each day. Also, 'a birthday' should be 'the birthday' to refer to the specific event.

× In my grow up edge.

✓ In my growing up stage.

'Grow up edge' is incorrect and unclear. The correct phrase is 'growing up stage' or 'growing up period' to indicate the time of maturation.

× I think the other day about my family.

✓ I think about my family these days.

'The other day' refers to a specific past day, which conflicts with the intended meaning. 'These days' or 'lately' is more appropriate to indicate recent thoughts.

× I wanna ask my family.

✓ I want to ask my family.

'Wanna' is informal and should be replaced with 'want to' in formal speech. Also, the sentence is incomplete; it is unclear what is being asked.

× True making a party but it birthday in the China as they second honeymoon and also to make our family have a traveling story.

✓ We usually make a party for birthdays in China as a second honeymoon and also to create family travel memories.

The original sentence is fragmented and unclear. 'True' is incorrect; 'We usually' is better. 'It birthday in the China' is incorrect; 'for birthdays in China' is correct. 'As they second honeymoon' should be 'as a second honeymoon'. 'To make our family have a traveling story' is awkward; 'to create family travel memories' is clearer.