网络— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Your answer is clear and relevant with a direct topic sentence and supporting details. Improve by making sentences more natural and concise, fixing grammar (e.g., ‘a computer with Windows 95’ and ‘a very good memory’ → ‘a fond memory’), and avoiding redundancy. Use one linking phrase to connect details and keep to 3–4 sentences.

示例: I started using the internet when I was ten. My parents bought me a computer running Windows 95, and several friends had the same model, which created a fond childhood memory. Because we all used similar software, we often shared tips and games.

建议: Good direct answer and clear reasons. Improve by tightening phrasing (avoid ‘go online almost every day’ redundancy), using singular term ‘social media,’ and adding a linking word to structure reasons. Also correct small grammar: ‘search for a lot of information’ → ‘search for information’.

示例: I go online almost every day because I need to search for information on science and technology. In addition, I use social media such as X and Instagram to keep up with close friends.

建议: Strong, well-structured answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Improve by smoothing phrasing (e.g., ‘prepare for the entrance exam to junior high school’), using a linking word like ‘as a result,’ and giving a brief reflection on how you coped to add depth.

示例: Yes. When I was 12 my mother prohibited internet use because I had to prepare for the entrance exam to junior high school in Japan. As a result, I couldn’t search for information for about three months, and it was very stressful, so I focused on textbooks and mock exams instead.

建议: Your answer communicates opinion and reasons but has small language issues and repetition (‘spend...time online’ and ‘using the online’). Improve by using concise phrasing, adding a linking phrase (‘mainly because’), and suggesting a specific plan to reduce time to make the response more concrete.

示例: Yes, I do. I spend too much time online mainly to follow news about cutting-edge technologies such as quantum computing and space exploration. To reduce this, I plan to limit social media to 30 minutes a day and use a reading app for focused articles.

建议: Good direct response with a clear preference and reasons. Improve by making wording more natural (e.g., ‘print books’ → ‘paper books’ is fine, but avoid ‘I would like’ then conditional mix), using a linking word, and giving a specific example of books or activities to add detail.

示例: I would read more paper books and relax without constant notifications. For example, I would spend evenings reading novels and visiting the local library to enjoy a quieter routine.

× At that time my parents bought me the computer with the Windows 95.

✓ At that time my parents bought me a computer with Windows 95.

Use of the definite article 'the' before 'computer' and 'the' before 'Windows 95' is incorrect. Use 'a computer' to introduce a non-specific item and 'Windows 95' does not need an article. Suggestion: use 'a computer with Windows 95'.

× In addition, some of my friends had the same version of the computer, which was very good memory for me.

✓ In addition, some of my friends had the same version of the computer, which was a very good memory for me.

The noun 'memory' here is countable in this context and needs an article. Use 'a very good memory' or better 'which is a very good memory' to make the noun grammatical. Alternatively, say 'which gave me very good memories.'

× I usually go online almost every day because I have to search for a lot of information, especially about science and technology, and I have to catch up with the information of my close friends by using social medias like X and Instagram.

✓ I usually go online almost every day because I have to search for a lot of information, especially about science and technology, and I have to catch up with information from my close friends by using social media like X and Instagram.

'The information of my close friends' is awkward; use 'information from my close friends'. Also 'social medias' is incorrect; 'social media' is an uncountable plural collective noun. Suggestion: use 'social media'.

× Yes, when I was 12 years old, my mother prohibited me from using the Internet because I had to prepare for entrance exam for the junior high school in Japan.

✓ Yes, when I was 12 years old, my mother prohibited me from using the Internet because I had to prepare for the entrance exam for junior high school in Japan.

Missing definite article before 'entrance exam' and unnecessary 'the' before 'junior high school'. Use 'the entrance exam' and 'for junior high school' or 'for the junior high school entrance exam' for clarity.

× Therefore, I couldn't search for the information for about 3 months, which was very stressful for me.

✓ Therefore, I couldn't search for information for about three months, which was very stressful for me.

'The information' is unnecessary; use uncountable 'information' without 'the'. Also write numbers in words in formal speech though numerals are acceptable; consistency improvement: 'three months'.

× Yes, I definitely think that I spend too much time online because I have to keep up with the latest news and information about cutting edge technologies like quantum computers and space explorations.

✓ Yes, I definitely think that I spend too much time online because I have to keep up with the latest news and information about cutting-edge technologies like quantum computers and space exploration.

'cutting edge' should be hyphenated as a compound adjective before a noun: 'cutting-edge'. 'space explorations' is awkward; use uncountable 'space exploration'.

× Actually, I want to reduce the time I spend using the online.

✓ Actually, I want to reduce the time I spend online.

'using the online' is ungrammatical. 'Online' can be used as an adverb: 'spend time online' or 'spend time using the internet'. Remove 'the' and 'using'.

× If I could live without the Internet, I think this time could be very nice and relaxing because I wouldn't have to care about the notifications and the alerts that I have to respond to.

✓ If I could live without the Internet, I think that time would be very nice and relaxing because I wouldn't have to worry about notifications and alerts I have to respond to.

Use 'would' consistently in the conditional main clause ('that time would be...') instead of 'could'. 'care about' is awkward here; 'worry about' is more natural. Drop 'the' before 'notifications' and 'alerts' and remove 'that' before 'I have to respond to' for conciseness; place 'I have to respond to' after 'alerts'.