网络— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise, correct minor grammar and use a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific details. Avoid repetition (e.g., “Internet” repeated) and unnecessary phrases like “as far as I remember.”

示例: I started using the internet in grade five. My family had home Wi‑Fi even then, although the connection was slower and data was more expensive, so we used it mainly for research and emails.

建议: Start with a clear, natural statement about frequency and avoid contradictions or fragmented sentences. Use one linking phrase to add a reason or example, and correct repetition and filler words.

示例: I’m online almost all the time because I frequently check social media during short breaks at work. For example, I often open Instagram to catch up on friends’ posts or view quick videos.

建议: Give a direct topic sentence, correct grammar, avoid hesitations and unclear phrases. Provide one clear example (exams) and explain briefly why internet was restricted. Replace vague or incorrect words like “look at faults.”

示例: I can’t recall being banned from the internet except during school exams, when all electronic devices were prohibited to prevent cheating.

建议: Begin with a clear opinion and eliminate repetition. Mention specific measures you’ve taken and a brief result or plan. Correct phrasing (e.g., ‘spend too much time online’) and name apps or strategies accurately.

示例: Yes, I spend too much time online, so I’ve set daily limits using an app timer on Instagram and YouTube. This has helped reduce my doomscrolling by giving me clear reminders to stop after a set time.

建议: Keep the answer focused and combine similar activities into one fluent sentence. Use linking words to list activities and add a brief specific detail about a hobby to make it more vivid.

示例: Without the internet I would focus more on hobbies: I’d read more novels, try new recipes in the kitchen, and dedicate time to painting, which I used to enjoy but now neglect due to online distractions.

× I started using the Internet quite early.

✓ I started using the internet quite early.

'Internet' is commonly treated as a common noun in modern usage and is not capitalized; use 'internet'.

× As far as I remember, I was in grade 5 when we started using Internet.

✓ As far as I remember, I was in grade 5 when we started using the internet.

Same article/capitalization issue: 'internet' is not capitalized. No plural error; correction aligns with common noun usage.

× We also had a Wi-Fi server at our home and during those times Internet was more expensive.

✓ We also had a Wi-Fi server at home, and during those times the internet was more expensive.

Use 'the internet' when referring to the service in a specific context. Also omit unnecessary article before 'home' and add a comma before 'and' for clarity.

× I am online 24/7.

✓ I am online 24/7.

Sentence is grammatically correct. It uses present tense appropriately to describe a habitual state; no change needed.

× Whenever I get I get a small break during work I open my Instagram to see if my friends have posted anything or if they have sent me any memes.

✓ Whenever I get a small break during work, I open Instagram to see if my friends have posted anything or sent me any memes.

Remove the duplicated 'I get', add a comma after the subordinate clause, and drop the article before 'Instagram' because app names usually do not take 'my' unless emphasizing ownership; simplify parallel structure by removing the redundant 'they have'.

× So if. Although I'm not proud of this habit, I am online most of the time.

✓ Although I'm not proud of this habit, I am online most of the time.

'So if.' is a sentence fragment and should be removed. The remaining sentence is correct and expresses the intended meaning.

× I do not remember the time when I was not allowed to use the Internet.

✓ I do not remember a time when I was not allowed to use the internet.

Use 'a time' rather than 'the time' to indicate any instance; lowercase 'internet'.

× The only time when we were not allowed to use the Internet is I can think of as while taking the exams because uh, during that those periods nobody is allowed to look at faults.

✓ The only time I can think of when we were not allowed to use the internet was while taking exams, because during those periods nobody is allowed to look at phones.

Reorder phrase for clarity ('the only time I can think of when...'), use past tense 'was' to match 'were', lowercase 'internet', correct 'that those' redundancy, and replace unclear word 'faults' with likely intended 'phones'.

× So apart from that I was not.

✓ So apart from that, I was not.

Add a comma after the introductory phrase for clarity. The sentence is otherwise acceptable colloquial speech.

× I believe I spend too much time on time and I'm trying to lower the hours I spend online for doing so.

✓ I believe I spend too much time online, and I'm trying to reduce the number of hours I spend online to do so.

Remove repeated 'time on time'; use 'spend too much time online'. Use 'reduce the number of hours' instead of 'lower the hours' for natural phrasing and 'to do so' to indicate purpose.

× I have set up UMM app timer on Instagram and other social media that I use on YouTube as well as I have the habit of doom scrolling.

✓ I have set up an app timer (UMM) on Instagram, YouTube, and other social media, but I still have the habit of doomscrolling.

Add article 'an' before 'app timer', clarify parenthetical app name, list platforms with commas, replace awkward 'that I use on YouTube as well as' with clearer structure, and use the single-word 'doomscrolling'. Use 'but' to contrast the attempt with the continuing habit.

× Without the Internet I feel I would achieve a lot more things.

✓ Without the internet, I think I would accomplish many more things.

Lowercase 'internet', use 'think' for natural speech, and prefer 'accomplish many more things' instead of 'achieve a lot more things' for idiomatic phrasing.

× I would read a book, I would cook, I would clean my room.

✓ I would read books, cook, and clean my room.

Parallel structure: use plural 'books' for general activities, and join actions with commas and 'and' for smoothness.

× So I feel like I would pursue my hobbies with even more interest without the Internet.

✓ So I feel I would pursue my hobbies with even more interest without the internet.

Lowercase 'internet' and remove redundant 'like' for more concise speech. The conditional 'would' is appropriate here.