网络— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Try to give a more direct and structured answer. Start with a clear topic sentence stating when you started using the internet, then add relevant supporting details without filler words like 'umm'. Avoid redundancy and keep the answer concise within 5 sentences.

示例: I started using the internet about 10 years ago when my dad bought me my first phone. I remember trying to install Instagram, which quickly became my favorite app. Since then, I've used the internet regularly for social media and communication.

建议: Provide a clear and natural response with specific details and avoid repetition. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid vague phrases like 'I use Internet so much'.

示例: I go online several times a day, starting from the morning until night. For example, I check my emails regularly and browse social media. Honestly, I think I might be a bit addicted to the internet because I spend a lot of time on it.

建议: Organize your answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Avoid filler words and unclear phrases like 'said a real dad'. Use linking words to improve coherence and be more specific about the experience.

示例: Yes, I remember when I was preparing for my entrance exam, my parents limited my internet use. They took my phone and allowed me to use it only 30 minutes a day so I could focus on studying. It was difficult because I was quite addicted to social media at that time.

建议: Make your answer more concise and structured. Start with a clear opinion, then explain with specific reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition and filler words.

示例: Yes, I think I spend too much time online. For instance, I use Instagram as an influencer and content creator. Additionally, I often search the internet for innovative teaching methods and interesting games for my students.

建议: Provide a clear and well-structured answer with linking words to connect ideas. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases like 'So I meet you'. Be specific about activities you would do without the internet.

示例: Without the internet, I would spend more time reading books and listening to music. Also, I would hang out with my friends and enjoy quality time with my parents. Taking a break from the internet would help improve my mental and physical health.

× It was, umm, 10 years ago.

✓ It was, umm, 10 years ago.

This sentence is correct as it refers to a specific time in the past, so the past tense 'was' is appropriate.

× It's been a long time, but I bought my first phone.

✓ It's been a long time since I bought my first phone.

The original sentence incorrectly uses 'but' to connect two ideas that should be linked with 'since' to indicate the time elapsed since buying the phone. The correction clarifies the meaning and improves sentence structure.

× Actually my dad bought it for me and I tried to install Instagram and it's my favorite app.

✓ Actually, my dad bought it for me, and I tried to install Instagram, which is my favorite app.

The original sentence is a run-on without proper punctuation and conjunctions. Adding commas and 'which' clarifies the relationship between clauses and improves readability.

× I use Internet so much.

✓ I use the Internet so much.

'Internet' is a unique noun that requires the definite article 'the' when referring to it generally.

× I can say I check my phone in the morning until night and I check my emails and I can say I'm addicted to Internet.

✓ I can say I check my phone from morning until night, and I check my emails. I can say I'm addicted to the Internet.

The phrase 'in the morning until night' is incorrect; 'from morning until night' is the proper expression. Also, 'Internet' needs the definite article 'the'. Breaking the sentence into two improves clarity.

× When I had entrance exam, I needed to study harder.

✓ When I had my entrance exam, I needed to study harder.

The phrase 'entrance exam' requires a possessive determiner 'my' to specify whose exam it was.

× So my parents, they took my phone and they, umm, said a real dad, you can just use your phone, umm, 30 minutes in a day and you have to study.

✓ So my parents took my phone and said, 'A real dad, you can only use your phone for 30 minutes a day, and you have to study.'

The original sentence has redundant pronouns ('my parents, they') and awkward phrasing. Removing redundancy and correcting the reported speech improves clarity and grammar.

× you can just use your phone, umm, 30 minutes in a day

✓ you can just use your phone for 30 minutes a day

The preposition 'for' is needed to indicate duration, and 'a day' is the correct expression rather than 'in a day'.

× And that was, uh, really tough one because I, I said before I was addicted to Internet and social media.

✓ And that was really tough because I said before that I was addicted to the Internet and social media.

The phrase 'really tough one' is informal and awkward here; 'really tough' suffices. Also, 'Internet' needs the definite article 'the', and adding 'that' clarifies the reference.

× I guess yes because I use social media Instagram and I can say I'm an influencer Instagram, I am a content creator and also because of my giant need to search on Internet and search about innovative teaching ways and umm the interesting games for my students.

✓ I guess yes because I use social media like Instagram, and I can say I'm an Instagram influencer and a content creator. Also, because of my great need to search on the Internet for innovative teaching methods and interesting games for my students.

The original sentence is a run-on with missing articles and awkward phrasing. Adding 'the' before 'Internet', clarifying 'Instagram influencer', and breaking into sentences improves grammar and clarity.

× because of my giant need to search on Internet and search about innovative teaching ways

✓ because of my great need to search the Internet and look for innovative teaching methods

The verb 'search' is used with 'the Internet' without 'on', and 'search about' is incorrect; 'look for' or 'search for' is correct. Also, 'giant' is not appropriate here; 'great' is better.

× What would you do without the internet?

✓ What would you do without the Internet?

'Internet' should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.

× I would read more books and listen to music and hang out with my friends, spend much more quality time, quality time with my parents and I need to just get away from Internet because it affects my mental and body too much.

✓ I would read more books, listen to music, hang out with my friends, and spend much more quality time with my parents. I would also need to get away from the Internet because it affects my mental and physical health too much.

The original sentence is a run-on with missing conjunctions and articles. 'Much more quality time' is acceptable, but repeating 'quality time' is redundant. 'Body' should be 'physical health' for clarity. Also, 'Internet' needs 'the' and capitalization.

× So I meet you. Avoid Internet for a while.

✓ So I need to avoid the Internet for a while.

The original sentences are fragmented and unclear. 'So I meet you' is incorrect and likely a misstatement. The corrected sentence clearly expresses the intended meaning with proper structure and article usage.