网络— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Try to avoid filler words like 'uh' and 'umm' to make your answer sound more natural and fluent. Also, correct small mistakes such as repeating 'the' and use clearer sentence structure. For example, start with a clear topic sentence and then add details logically.

示例: I started using the internet when I was in middle school. At that time, I got my first smartphone and created a Facebook account. I sent friend requests to all my classmates to connect with them online.

建议: Avoid repeating words and unclear phrases like 'I don't leave every microphone.' Use simple and clear sentences. Also, try to use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

示例: I am online almost all day. I always have my phone with me, and even when I use my laptop, I stay connected to the internet. So, I spend most of my time online.

建议: Try to reduce filler words and improve sentence flow. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to explain reasons clearly. Also, be more specific about the situation to enrich your answer.

示例: Yes, a long time ago, my dad noticed I was using my phone too much. Because he was worried about my physical and mental health, he took my phone away for a while. It was a difficult experience for me.

建议: Avoid repeating phrases and filler words. Use clearer sentence structures and linking words like 'because' to explain reasons. Also, try to use more precise vocabulary related to mental health and social media.

示例: Honestly, I spend too much time online, almost all day. Because I often compare myself to others on social media like Instagram, it negatively affects my mental health.

建议: Reduce filler words and improve sentence clarity. Use linking words like 'so' or 'then' to connect ideas. Be more specific about activities you do without the internet.

示例: I have tried staying without the internet several times. During those times, I started exercising, reading books, and cooking. So, I was able to do many productive things without being online.

× First time I've used the the Internet was when I was uh, umm, in middle school, uh, I had my first new phone.

✓ The first time I've used the Internet was when I was, uh, umm, in middle school, uh, I had my first new phone.

The sentence is missing the definite article 'The' before 'first time' which is necessary to specify a particular occasion. Also, there is a repeated 'the' before 'Internet' which should be corrected to a single 'the'.

× I sent all my friends, uh, uh, ad requests.

✓ I sent ad requests to all my friends.

The verb 'sent' requires the preposition 'to' to indicate the recipients of the ad requests. The original sentence lacks this preposition, making it grammatically incorrect.

× Uh, actually I am online the whole day.

✓ Uh, actually I am online all day.

The phrase 'the whole day' is less natural in this context; 'all day' is the correct idiomatic expression to indicate continuous activity throughout the day.

× I don't leave uh, my telephone never ever, uh, even when I'm using my laptop or other things, but I'm online the whole day.

✓ I never leave my telephone, even when I'm using my laptop or other devices; I'm online all day.

The original sentence has a double negative 'don't leave' and 'never ever' which is incorrect. Also, 'other things' is vague; 'other devices' is more appropriate. The sentence structure is improved for clarity.

× I don't leave every microphone.

✓ I don't leave my phone.

The phrase 'every microphone' is incorrect and does not make sense in context. The student likely meant 'my phone' or 'my device'.

× Yes, uh, from a long time, my dad, uh, saw that I use the phone the whole time, so he thought it will affect my health and my mental health overall.

✓ Yes, uh, for a long time, my dad, uh, saw that I used the phone all the time, so he thought it would affect my health and my mental health overall.

The phrase 'from a long time' should be 'for a long time'. The verb tense should be past tense 'used' to match 'saw'. The modal verb 'will' should be 'would' to indicate reported speech and past perspective.

× So he took it from me and it was a really bad situation.

✓ So he took it from me, and it was a really bad situation.

The sentence is correct but adding a comma before 'and' improves readability.

× Honestly, yes, I am, as I told you before, I am the whole time online, 24 hours.

✓ Honestly, yes, I am, as I told you before, online all the time, 24 hours a day.

The phrase 'I am the whole time online' is awkward. The correct expression is 'I am online all the time'. Adding 'a day' after '24 hours' clarifies the meaning.

× Uh, and I think it, it's affecting my mental health, comparing myself for uh, to the people on the social media and Instagram and that's all really affect my mental health.

✓ Uh, and I think it's affecting my mental health, comparing myself to people on social media and Instagram, and that's really affecting my mental health.

The phrase 'comparing myself for uh, to the people' is incorrect; it should be 'comparing myself to people'. Also, 'that's all really affect' should be 'that's really affecting' to agree with singular subject and tense.

× I've tested myself many times ago, Umm, I left my mobile for a while.

✓ I tested myself many times ago. Umm, I left my mobile for a while.

The phrase 'I've tested myself many times ago' is incorrect because 'ago' requires simple past tense, not present perfect. So 'I tested myself many times ago' is correct.

× I saw myself, uh, starting to use, uh, to do some exercises and reading some books and, uh, cooking.

✓ I saw myself, uh, starting to do some exercises, read some books, and cook.

The phrase 'starting to use, uh, to do some exercises' is awkward and incorrect. The correct form is 'starting to do some exercises'. Also, parallel structure is improved by using base verbs 'do', 'read', and 'cook'.