网络— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Your answer is quite detailed but a bit repetitive and slightly long. Try to be more concise and avoid repeating similar ideas. Also, use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.

示例: I started using the Internet at an early age because my older brother, who loved video games, introduced me to it. Initially, I played simple games, but later I began using it for studying, which I found very exciting.

建议: Your answer is somewhat repetitive and informal. Try to avoid repeating phrases like 'friends' multiple times and use more precise vocabulary. Also, structure your answer clearly with linking words.

示例: I go online every day to communicate with family and friends, study, and keep up with social media, which has become an important part of my daily life.

建议: Your answer is clear but could be improved by correcting grammar and using linking words to make it more coherent. Also, try to be more specific about your feelings or what you learned.

示例: Yes, once my mother took my phone away as a punishment for using it too much. She wanted me to spend time in nature and experience life without the phone for a day. I realized that it made a big difference in how I felt and behaved.

建议: Your answer is unclear and contains grammatical errors. Try to express your ideas more clearly and use correct sentence structures. Also, avoid confusing phrases and be specific about your screen time.

示例: I spend about three to four hours online daily, mostly watching educational videos. Therefore, I don't think I spend too much time online just for entertainment.

建议: Your answer is thoughtful but a bit informal and contains filler words like 'you know'. Try to be more formal and concise, and use linking words to connect your ideas.

示例: Without the Internet, I would spend more time with my family and siblings, and catch up with friends I haven't seen for a while. In fact, it might be better for me since the Internet can sometimes be toxic to our daily lives.

× I started by playing just little video games and then it went off to studying on the Internet.

✓ I started by playing just a few little video games and then I moved on to studying on the Internet.

The phrase 'went off to studying' is incorrect. The correct expression is 'moved on to studying' to indicate progression. Also, 'just little video games' is unclear; 'a few little video games' is more appropriate to express a small quantity.

× I go online pretty often, everyday I might say, to communicate with my friends, to study, talk with family and friends, catch up with my friends.

✓ I go online pretty often, every day I might say, to communicate with my friends, to study, to talk with family and friends, and to catch up with my friends.

The sentence lacks parallel structure in the list of activities. Each verb should be preceded by 'to' for consistency. Also, 'everyday' is an adjective meaning 'commonplace'; the correct form here is 'every day' as two words, meaning 'each day'.

× My mother took my phone for a punishment to let me be in the nature and try not to use my phone for a day.

✓ My mother took my phone as a punishment to let me be in nature and try not to use my phone for a day.

The phrase 'for a punishment' is incorrect; 'as a punishment' is the correct prepositional phrase. Also, 'in the nature' is incorrect; 'in nature' is the proper expression without the definite article.

× I would say I spend a time that on average human will use under foreign GP online.

✓ I would say I spend about the average amount of time that a human uses online.

The original sentence is unclear and ungrammatical. It seems to attempt to compare the speaker's time online to an average human's time. The correction clarifies the meaning and corrects sentence structure.

× I my screen time goes up to about 3 to 4 hours online but it is more on educational videos so I wouldn't say that I use them for just entertainment.

✓ My screen time goes up to about 3 to 4 hours online, but it is mostly on educational videos, so I wouldn't say that I use it just for entertainment.

The phrase 'I my screen time' is incorrect; 'My screen time' is correct. Also, 'them' refers to videos, but the subject is 'screen time' which is singular, so 'it' should be used. The sentence is corrected for subject-verb agreement and pronoun reference.